Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles Hello, beautiful TED folks. How are you all? So, I've been up since 3 AM. I had a long day and am on East Coast time. So it's a little funky. And I often get woken up at that hour because this is when the spiritual veil is lifted. This is a beautiful magic hour that 2 to 3 AM when we have this opportunity to connect to the divine energy around us. And I am often woken at that time to get to work. this is where some of my greatest work happens: 3 o'clock in the morning. And so I got the wake up call and I said OK let me sit up in my bed, and I sat myself up, and I started to breathe and I started to connect and center in to my internal guidance system. And I kept hearing my ego, my fear voice say, "18 minutes, 18 minutes, 18 minutes." All we have is 18 minutes to speak to you. And then I kept hearing this other dialog of, "You always have 2 hours. 18 minutes is not long enough", and going into that negative talk of "only 18 minutes." And then I just listened, I breathed into the discomfort of this future tripping and I just allowed myself to experience whatever that issue was and within a few seconds it started to lift and I listened to my internal dialog, my inner guidance system and that voice within me said, "Speak your truth and time will expand." And I took a deep breath and I said, "Yes! Thank you that's exactly what I needed to hear as usual." I closed out my meditation, stood up out of my bed went to my computer and deleted my TED talk outline. (Laughter) I let go of the form. I let go of the "how to" or the details or the time frame or the "everyone else does it this way" crap and I said, the way I do this is share my truth and time expands, share my truth and my inspiration can speak through me, share my truth and I will be of the highest service I can possibly be. And so I listened, I got a few moments of sleep and when I was ready to roll out of bed I said my morning prayer and I said, "Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? What would you have me say? And what would you have me wear? (Laughter) I did good, right? (Laughter) And then I began my day -- and my TED talk outline is in the delete section of my google docs. And you are going to get my truth. You will get it in 18 minutes. And my truth, my truth is so connected to me today. I live my truth, I walk my truth I breathe my truth. Of course there are many moments when I am disconnected from my truth, but I know where to go, I sit down on that meditation pillow, and I reconnect, and I recalibrate and I come back home. As a result of living in my truth I've been guided to be a student and a teacher of the metaphysical text of "course of miracles." And, I have, as a result of being a student of the course experienced many miraculous shifts in my own life. And today I live a life far beyond my wildest dreams. But it was not always this awesome. About 6 years ago I lived a much different life, in a much different way. I was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. I lived the first 25 years of my life really looking for happiness and self-worth and connectedness in all the wrong places. I was looking for this connection and the inspiration in my credentials or in my relationships, or in an amount of money or in a pair of shoes, or in the fact that I had access to some great night club. Who knows, I was just looking for it in all of these outside circumstances. And It was a really tough search, it was an endless search, it was a difficult search and it was terrifyingly difficult and sad. I got to the point when I was 21 I opened my first business and I really felt as though I have arrived because now I have a credential that says I am doing something great in the world. But meanwhile I just felt completely emotionally bankrupt. and so I continued on for about 5 years, living in this way, of running this business and living this fast paced New York City lifestyle and having all of the necessary trappings of what it took to be a happy person, a person who had "a lot going on." But in the midst of that I was anesthetizing as all of these deep rooted fears, and deep rooted anxieties and terrible terrible thoughts, thoughts of inadequacy, thoughts that I'm not good enough unless I have a romantic partner, thoughts that I'm not good enough if I don't get this new client or have that amount enough money. I'm not good enough "because" -- I had a terrible case of the "when-I-haves." When I have that new client, I'll be happy. When I have that new pair of shoes I'll be happy. When I have that new relationship, I'll be happy. And when my when-I-haves became my I-haves I was still unhappy. And by the time I was 25 I was really trying to anesthetize all this discomfort with all these different kinds of things such as food, and alcohol, and romance, and sex, and money and worst of all, drugs. By the time I was 25 I picked up a very very bad cocaine addiction and I was physically drained, emotionally deteriorating and spiritually dead. And then on October 2nd 2005, I went to sleep and that night, right before I went to bed I said to myself, "God, Universe, Whoever is out there, I need a miracle." And I woke up that morning, and I heard an inner voice a very authoritative loud inner calling that said to me, "Get your life together, girl and you will live beyond your wildest dreams." And I have been listening to that voice ever since. This past October 2nd, I celebrated 6 years of sobriety. Thank you. (Applause) And in that time I have been physically recovering through my sobriety and through the way I treat my body, and what I eat. I have been spiritually recovering, as a student of A Course in Miracles. I found the course through the beautiful transformational teacher Mariane Williamson and the way that she interpreted this text made it relevant for me made it easy for me to understand and it was very clear by the time I was 26 years old that this was what I was here to do. I am here to be a student and a teacher of A Course in Miracles. And I went to Mariane and said, "How would you suggest I carry this message to my generation." And she said, "Read the text, do the workbook, read the teacher's manual and get on your knees and ask God how he plans for you to carry this message to your generation. And I did just that. And so when I went out to pick up A Course in Miracles and allow this book to come in my life in full form I walked over to my local metaphysical book store and I walk in and there is a huge display of A Course in Miracles on sale and I said, "That's right". And then I walked over to the display and I picked up the book and I held on to the book and a huge force of energy behind the book dragged me physically to the counter to buy the book. This force of energy physically dragged me to the register and so once again I took the universal memo and said OK, let's get to work. I walked outside on to this busy New York City street and I opened the book and it said, "This is a course in miracles, this is a required course." And I said all right, show me what you've got. And so I have been a student and a teacher ever since practicing the principles of forgiveness. The primary principle of the course of miracles is that a miracle is a shift in perception. The moment that we choose to perceive our life with love, we can create a miraculous change. And through the experience of forgiveness, the miracle occurs. And so one day at a time, one thought at a time I have been re-programming my thoughts form fear to love. I have been choosing forgiveness as my primary function I have been allowing myself to settle into that truth, which is love. One moment at a time, we experience what the course refers to as "The holy instant" -- the moment that we make that shift, the miracle occurs. The holy instant is when an ancient hatred becomes a holy love. That moment when all of that anger, and that past resentment just disappears it goes away, it no longer matters. in that moment you recalibrate that energy of peace you recalibrate that energy of inspiration, of source. In that moment, you are ready to serve. What happens to each of us, each of us in some way shape or form have chosen the ego, the fear based mind have chosen what the course refers to as the tiny mad idea. Each of us, at some point in time and in some way we have chosen that tiny mad idea and as the course says, we detoured into fear and it was like a descent from magnitude into littleness. and that negative voice, that fear based voice that one tiny mad idea becomes like a virus in our mind, it takes over our reality and it blocks our truth. And so what I'm not here to do is I'm not here to teach you how do you find your truth -- I'm here to teach you how to release the blocks to the presence of that truth. Of course, a miracle is an unlearning.