Yes, prove it like, What's the metric?

Give me the number that helps me.

No, right, Because when you met her, you didn't love her.

Now you love her, right?

Tell me the day the love happened.

It's an impossible question.

But it's not that it doesn't exist.

It's that it's much easier to prove over time.

Right?

Leadership is the same thing.

It's about transition.

So if you were, if you were to go to the gym like exercise, right, If you go to the gym and you work out and you come back and you look in the mirror, you will see nothing.

And if you go to the gym the next day and you come back and you look in the mirror, you will see nothing, right?

So he clearly there's no results can't be measured.

It must not be effective.

So we quit, right?

Or if you fundamentally believe, that this is the right course of action and you stick with it like in a relationship.

I bought her flowers and I wish her happy birthday and she doesn't love me.

Clearly I'll give up.

That's not what happens if you if you believe there's something there, you commit yourself to act on active service.

You commit yourself to the regime, be exercise.

You can screw it up.

You can eat chocolate cake one day.

You could skip a skip a day or two.

You know it allows for that.

But if you stick with it consistently, I'm not exactly sure what day.

But I know you'll start getting into shape.

I know on the same with the relationship.

It's not about the events.

It's not about intensity.

It's about consistency, right?

You go to the dentist twice a year, your teeth will fall out.

You have to brush your teeth every day for two minutes.

What is brushing your day twice a day for two minutes?

Do nothing unless you do it every day, twice a day for two minutes, right?

It's the consistency.

Going to the gym for nine hours does not get you into shape.

Working out every day for 20 minutes gets you into shape.

So the problem is we treat leadership with intensity.

We have a two day off site.

We invite a bunch of speakers.

We give everybody certificate your leader right.

Those things were like going to the dentist.

They're very important.

That good for reminding us or getting us back on track, learning new lessons.

But it's the daily practice of all the monotonous little boring things.

Like brushing your teeth that matter the most.

She didn't fall in love with you because you remembered her birthday and bought her flowers on Valentine's Day.

She fell in love with you because when you woke up in the morning, you said good morning to her.

Before you check your phone.

She fell in love with you because when you went to the fridge to get yourself a drink, you got her one without even asking.

She fell in love with you because when you had an amazing day at work and she came home and she had a terrible day at work, you didn't say Yeah, yeah, yeah, but let me tell you about my day.

You sat and listened to her awful day and you didn't say a thing about your amazing day.

This is why she fell in love with you.

I can't tell you exactly what day and it was.

No so particular thing you did.

It was the accumulation of all of those little things that she woke up one days and a Ziff.

She pressed a button.

She goes, I love him, Right?

Leadership is exactly the same.

There's no event.

There's nothing I can tell you.

You have to do that.

Your people will trust you.

It just doesn't work that way.

It's It's an accumulation of lots and lots of little things that anyone, by themselves is innocuous and useless, literally pointless by themselves.

People will look at little things that are good leadership practice and say that won't work and you're absolutely right.

But if you do it consistently and you do it in combination with lots of other little things, like saying good morning to someone that looking him in the eye my friend George was there a three star general in the Marine Corps, he says, His test for leadership and I love this.

He goes his test really a good leaders.

If you ask somebody how their day is going, you actually care about the answer.

Number of times were walking to a meeting were rushing.

We go.

How are you?

Not good.

I got I got to get to you later.

I got him late for a meeting.

If you ask the question, you were standing there and you're listening to the answer.

It's those little innocuous things that you do over and over and over and over that people will say, I love my job, but I like my job.

I like my job.

Means, yeah, the challenges.

Great.

They pay me Well, I like the people I love.

My job means I don't wanna work anywhere else.

I don't care how much somebody else is willing to pay me.

I'm devoted to the people here and I care desperately about the people.

Here is if they were my family in business, we have colleagues and coworkers in the military.

They have brothers and sisters.

That's how they think of each other.

If you really have a strong corporate culture, the people will think of each other like brothers and sisters.

It was like a family, right?

No.

Brothers and sisters deep love fight.

But the love doesn't go away.

Bicker.

The love doesn't go away and I'll fight with my sister.

But if you threaten my sister, you're gonna have to deal with me, right?

We'll fight internally.

Well, bicker with each other, but nobody's gonna hurt each other.

And if anything from the outside shows up, you're looking at a unified front.

Brothers and sisters.

Now, how do you create brothers and sisters out of strangers?

Common beliefs, common values.

You know, parents, in other words, executives who care about their Children's success, who care to raise their Children, teach them skills, discipline them when necessary, help them build their self confidence so that they can go on and achieve something mawr than you could have ever imagined.

Achieving for yourself that's leadership, an absolute love and devotion for the people who've committed their lives to this enterprise.

It's a human.

It's a human thing.

So just you know how your body feels after a good workout.

You know how your body feels after a big, greasy meal.

You know, you know that one is good for you, and one is not, despite what it may taste like.

And that's the problem with short term gains, right?

They feel really good in the short term, were highly highly highly trained social animals were highly adapted social animals, you know, waken feel social awkwardness, and we can feel when things were going well, you know, you can sense it.

You say you have this sense of laughter, you know, around the office like way.

Don't work with blinders when you know, like I said, were made to do this.

And that's why we can assess if somebody's trustworthy or not.

You know, that's why we keep our walls like his results are great, but I wouldn't trust him, you know, as opposed to letting them you, but like I trust her for anything I trust with my kids and my money, anything you know.

So we're highly attuned animals, and so we're good at sensing it.

But I will say there is a caveat to your to your metric of laughter, which is a decent one is that scale breaks things in human beings.

As I said before, we're not made for populations bigger than about 150 ish.

It's called Dunbar's number.

Robin Dunbar, professor from Cambridge University, theorized that we cannot maintain more than 100.

About about 150 close relationships from the way he defined a close relationship is if you're at a bar with a bunch of friends and somebody comes in would you ask that person to join you or not?

And it's about 100 50 that we would send to come join us on.

If you think about the reason that actually makes perfect sense, which is, there's two limiting factors.

One is time.

If you only gave two minutes to every person you know, you make no close friends on the other.

One is memory.

You just can't remember everybody.

And so this is where leadership leadership becomes very, very interesting, because if you have a company that has a lot of people 567 800 people 1000 2005 people, Clearly you can't know everyone and clearly as a CEO, like I care about everything, one of my people, you don't even know some of the people you work for, A really work for your bastards.

You don't care about that, right?

So it's a it's a nonsense statement.

But what you can say is I desperately care about the people whose names I know whose faces I recognize, and I care desperately about my leadership, and I instill in them every day that I will give them the tools and I will take care of them with one purpose of one purpose only that they will take care of the people in their charge.

I want those people to take care of the people and instill in them that they take care of people in their charge.

And then by the time you get down to the masses, where the actual 1000 exist because of the seniors, it's like 20 where the real 1000 exist.

They feel about 101 150 of them can look to one of their direct leaders to one of their direct manager and say, That person cares about me.

Hmm, That's our boss.

That's my boss.

That's my leader, not the leader.

It's the CEO.

That's my manager, my boss, my leader.

The one thing I am comfortable saying that all effective leaders must have is courage.

Because it is hard.

It is hard to stand up against outside pressure.

It is hard to stand up to an external constituency who is pushing you to do something for their short term game to do the right thing.

For your people, it is hard, it is thankless.

It is lonely.

Sometimes you get fired.

Sometimes you get in trouble.

Sometimes you'll lose your job and the next guy will get all the credit.

It's all true and the courage to do the right thing in the face of overwhelming pressure.

Only the best leaders have that courage, only the best leaders.

And here's the folly.

Courage is not some deep internal fortitude.

You don't dig down deep and find the courage right.

It just doesn't exist.

Courage is external.

Our courage comes from the support we feel from others.

In other words, when someone, when you feel that someone has your back, when you you know that the day that you admit you can't do it, someone will be there and say, I got you, you can do this.

That's what gives you the courage to do the difficult thing.

It's not going off to an Ashram by yourself somewhere for four weeks and coming back and finding it's not what happens.

It's the relationships that we foster.

It's the people around us who love us and care about us and believe in us.

And when we have those relationships, we will find the courage to do the right thing.

And when you act with courage, That, in turn will inspire those in your organization toe.

Also act with courage.

In other words, it's still an external thing.

That's what inspiration is, right.

I'm inspired to follow your example.

But those relationships that we foster over the course of a lifetime will not only make us into the leaders we need to be, and I hope we can be.

But they'll often save your life.

They'll save you from depression.

They'll save you from giving up.

They'll save you from any matter of negative feelings about your own capabilities, your own future when someone just says I love you.