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  • PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, a condition officially recognised in 1980

  • to describe exposure to a relatively brief but devastating event: typically, a war, a

  • rape, an accident or terrorist incident. Complex PTSD, recognised in 1994, describes exposure

  • to something equally devastating but over a very long time, normally the first 15 years

  • of life: emotional neglect, humiliation, bullying, disrupted attachment, violence and anger.

  • A lot of us, as many as twenty percent, are wandering the world as undiagnosed sufferers

  • of 'Complex PTSD'. We know that all isn't well, but we don't have a term to capture

  • the problem, don't connect up our ailments - and have no clue who to seek out or what

  • treatment might help.

  • Here are twelve leading symptoms of Complex PTSD. We might think about which ones, if

  • any, apply to us (more than 7 might be a warning sign worth listening to):

  • 1. A feeling that nothing is safe: wherever we are, we have an apprehension that something

  • awful is about to happen. We are in a state of hypervigilance. The catastrophe we expect

  • often involves a sudden fall from grace. We will be hauled away from current circumstances

  • and humiliated, perhaps put in prison and denied all access to anything kind or positive.

  • We won't necessarily be killed, but to all intents, our life will be over. People may

  • try to reassure us through logic that reality won't ever be that bad; but logic doesn't

  • help. We're in the grip of an illness, we aren't just a bit confused.

  • 2. We can never relax; this shows up in our body. We are permanently tense or rigid. We

  • have trouble with being touched, perhaps in particular areas of the body. The idea of

  • doing yoga or meditation isn't just not appealing, it may be positively revolting

  • (we may call it 'hippie' with a sneer) and - deeper down - terrifying. Probably are

  • bowels are troubled too; our anxiety has a direct link to our digestive system.

  • 3. We can't really ever sleep and wake up very early - generally in a state of high

  • alarm, as though, during rest, we have let down our guard and are now in even greater

  • danger than usual.

  • 4. We have, deep in ourselves, an appalling self-image. We hate who we are. We think we're

  • ugly, monstrous, repulsive. We think we're awful, possibly the most awful person in the

  • world. Our sexuality is especially perturbed: we feel predatory, sickening, shameful.

  • 5. We're often drawn to highly unavailable people. We tell ourselves we hate 'needy'

  • people. What we really hate are people who might be too present for us. We make a beeline

  • for who people who are disengaged, won't want warmth from us and who are struggling

  • with their own undiagnosed issues around avoidance.

  • 6. We are sickened by people who want to be cosy with us: we call these people 'puppyish'

  • 'revolting' or 'desperate'.

  • 7. We are prone to losing our temper very badly; sometimes with other people, more often

  • just with ourselves. We aren't so much 'angry' as very very worried: worried that everything

  • is about to become very awful again. We are shouting because we're terrified. We look

  • mean, we're in fact defenceless.

  • 8. We are highly paranoid. It's not that we expect other people will poison us or follow

  • us down the street. We suspect that other people will be hostile to us, and will be

  • looking out for opportunities to crush and humiliate us (we can be mesmerically drawn

  • to examples of this happening on social media, the unkindest and most arbitrary environment,

  • which anyone with C-PTSD easily confuses with the whole world, chiefly because it operates

  • like their world: randomly and very meanly).

  • 9. We find other people so dangerous and worrying that being alone has huge attractions. We

  • might like to go and live under a rock forever. In some moods, we associate bliss with not

  • to having to see anyone again, ever.

  • 10. We don't register to ourselves as suicidal but the truth is that we find living so exhausting

  • and often so unpleasant, we do sometimes long not to have to exist any more.

  • 11. We can't afford to show much spontaneity. We're rigid about routines. Everything may

  • need to be exactly so, as an attempt to ward off looming chaos. We may clean a lot. Sudden

  • changes of plans can feel indistinguishable from the ultimate downfall we dread.

  • 12. In a bid to try to find safety, we may throw ourselves into work: amassing money,

  • fame, honour, prestige. But of course, this never works. The sense of danger and self-disgust

  • is coming from so deep within, we can never reach a sense of safety externally: a million

  • people can be cheering, but one jeer will be enough once again to evoke the self-disgust

  • we have left unaddressed inside. Breaks from work can feel especially worrying: retirement

  • and holidays create unique difficulties.

  • What is the cure for the arduous symptoms of Complex PTSD? Partly we need to courageously

  • realise that we have come through something terrible that we haven't until now properly

  • digested - because we haven't had a kind, stable environment in which to do so (it's

  • always hard to get one but we've also been assiduous in avoiding doing so). We are a

  • little wonky because, long ago, the situation was genuinely awful: when we were small, someone

  • made us feel extremely unsafe even though they might have been our parent; we were made

  • to think that nothing about who we were was acceptable; in the name of being 'brave',

  • we had to endure very difficult separations, perhaps repeated over years; no one reassured

  • us of our worth. We were judged with intolerable harshness. The damage may have been very obvious,

  • but - more typically, it might have unfolded in objectively innocent circumstances. A casual

  • visitor might never have noticed. There might have been a narrative, which lingers still,

  • that we were part of a happy family. One of the great discoveries of researchers in Complex

  • PTSD is that emotional neglect within outwardly high achieving families can be as damaging

  • as active violence in obviously deprived ones.

  • If any of this rings bells, we should stop being brave. We should allow ourselves to

  • feel compassion for who we were; that might not be easy, given how hard we tend to be

  • with ourselves. The next step is to try to identify a therapist or counsellor trained

  • in how to handle Complex PTSD. That may well be someone trained specifically in dealing

  • with trauma, which involves directing enormous amounts of compassion towards one's younger

  • self - in order to have the courage to face the trauma and recognise its impact on one's

  • life.

  • Rather touchingly, and simply, the root cause of Complex PTSD is an absence of love - and

  • the cure for it follows the same path: we need to relearn to love someone we very unfairly

  • hate beyond measure: ourselves.

  • The School of Life offers online psychotherapy to people all around the world. Our therapists

  • are highly trained and accredited - and are a vital source of kindness, solace and wisdom

  • for life's most difficult moments. Click the link to find out more.

PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, a condition officially recognised in 1980

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