S: Good morning, my love.

M: So guys

M: Had a real rough night last night. Did not sleep well at all. Just had a lot of body pain

and... I told Simon today that I really want to make this video because

I keep telling you guys about building a ladder, and about the importance of how it's little steps.

It's not necessarily like huge epic trips to Hawaii.

And you've only seen me in my videos bei positive and happy.

So I want to show you guys how I get through a really hard day and how I build that ladder.

Just so that you guys can look at this video and go:

"I know those days," and like, "okay, I can follow some of those steps." Or

people who don't know what you're going through; you can show them what it's like to build a ladder. So

I'm starting my ladder

to build myself out because I'm feeling so down and depressed, and my body is killing me that I just wanted

to stay at home in bed all day and not leave the house, but

I'm starting my first step: I'm getting out of bed, and that is a really big base ladder step.

Then I'm gonna go pick out some colorful clothing,

something that makes me feel happy to wear, and something that I think people

looking at me on the street might smile if they see.

And then we'll see where we're going from there.

Two very important rungs on the ladders, guys.

M: Thanks for getting through this with me, ducky. S: I'm always there for you, girl.

M: Alright, let's go.

S: Okay.

M: Okay.

M: -sniffs- My tears steamed up my glasses, and I couldn't see where I'm going.

M: I'm down! S: You did it, girl!

M: Ladder!

S: I love you, mum!

M: He's the worst possible therapy dog, because he smells so bad.

M: I'm sure most therapy dogs like smell good, but Spudgy just is like

You're just like moving your mouth away from him when he tries to rub his slimey face on you.

M: Thanks, buddy; it does make me feel better. I love you.

M: This is my pig hat,

and my pig hat I use to get extra strength when I'm having a real hard time

So when I've acknowledged that I'm having a hard day,

Simon puts the pig hat on me, and it gives me more power because the pig hat is filled with the power of the pig.

M: Kogi does not like the pig hat.

S: Why do you have two pigs, by the way?

M: They're different. This is a pig, and this is a pig /hat/.

S: Question: Why do you have three pigs?

M: [in Meemer's voice] What the-?

M: Well, we were gonna film and open

the fan mail. I can't even -- S: live stream. -- a live stream today, but I'm feeling a bit too down.

Uh, my original plan for when I wake up feeling miserable is usually lying in bed and not doing anything all day.

I usually just like lie on the couch all day and watch Netflix and literally chill, because I put ice packs on my body. Get it?

M: Chronic pain joke~ S: Netflix and chillll - what what? M: Netflix and chill~

M: Today, I'm gonna push myself. I have

serious shoulder pain. My shoulder's been dislocated for how long ago, ducky?

S: Probably like three weeks. M: Three weeks. I can't get it back in. I'm seeing physiotherapists; it's not working.

My elbow hurts; my knees are shooting.

Everything is just in so much pain, and

When you're in pain, it mentally affects your mind as well and so it's real easy just to stay at home,

but it doesn't make you feel better, and I think we can all agree to that.

Whether you're depressed or you have chronic pain or whatever you're going through, staying at home does not

necessarily make you feel better. It's good sometimes, because you need to rest your body.

But in this case, for my mental well-being, I'm gonna try real hard to get out of the house.

To add a different rung to my ladder that helps me pull myself out of this pit.

M: Hey, never underestimate the importance of music.

I've been enjoying what Simon calls "shitty George Michael." You don't know anything about music!

This is, ladies and gentlemen, "The Best of George Michael," and I love George Michael, and

music makes you feel really great, but you have to try to avoid the dark music. Because man, do I have a whole, entire playlist

dedicated to dark music. But on this day - this is not the day. This is the day that you listen to something that makes you smile.

Something that makes you want to dance. Even if you're just like elbow dancing, 'cause you can't support your weight.

So that's a - that's a big rung on my ladder is listening to music to kinda get me going.

M: My hair is soaking wet.

Um, but I just do not have the energy to blow dry it. So what I'm gonna do is some loose braids.

I'm not lifting my arms up high. I'm keeping them down as low as I possibly can, and I'm just gonna do some real

loose braids. It still looks cute, right? S: You're a cute girl -- M: Looks cute~ -- I like your little braids!

M: So I'm gonna try to do one more on this side here.

A lot of people have been asking me about what this like blue, sticky stuff they see on my knees and legs are.

And it's KT tape, which is like a athletic wrap or athletic tape. Doesn't cure it.

It doesn't make it feel like super better, but it keeps me from damaging it /more/.

Mobility aids: These are all different types of aids that are important to help you out, and I used to be really embarrassed to wear these out.

This is so ugly! I asked them if they had it in black or white, and they're like, [in accent] "No, only skin color beige!"

Ugh. Anyways, so I added some Sailor Moon charms that I got from some of you nasties in the mail.

But it like doesn't even - I can't even draw on it. It's just so ugly. I'm trying real hard not to use a heavy bag

or something that will pull my shoulder throughout the day. This I can easily just sling over here. Alright, I think we're ready to go!

M: Butterfly!

M: You see him? S: It's a little butterfly in a rosemary plant. M: He's like omnomnomnom~

M: When I'm having my... like lowest of days, I try my absolute hardest

to look at things around me and try to observe some thing that's like

interesting or cool or beautiful. Like this Morning Glory plant, like climbing up and just spilling over.

And like this butterfly eating. If I just walk like constantly and I just think inside my own head that I'm just like

looking inside myself and seeing all this darkness. So I try to like

turn the spotlight and face it outwards, so that I can see things that are like cool or pretty or nice.

So that's one of the big, strong things I try to do. And I'm lucky today that I can walk.

'Cause you know, ducky, when I'm having a bad like leg or knee day -- S: Mhm.

M: You know, me taking a taxi or I'm not leaving at all or I have my cane. But now I can like walk and like observe some things.

M: Come observe with me~

M: That's a big boy!

M: A nice, salted salmon onigiri.

M: Made me really happy to open it up; felt like some big, happy childhood memories.

Added definitely a little rung to my ladder on this one.

Really hard to eat with one hand.

M: I strongly believe that it is extremely important to get out of the house, even if it's just going for a walk or going to the library or

going to a university campus or sitting in a coffee shop, observing people.

Seeing life existing outside of your own mind. Just so critical to your well-being.

I'm enjoying amazing coffee at Light Up Coffee, which is one of our favorite shops. A little bit of a walk from our house, but -

nice to get here. -sighs- Nice to enjoy, nice to look around.

-groans-

Ugh, so pooped.

So, just got home after my big adventure out.

I'm really happy that I went out. I think that my attitude changed a lot from the morning.

In the morning, I was just about to - just give up on everything.

And now I feel like I'm all tuckered out from an adventure day, where I just went for a simple walk around the block,

but I saw so many things and people - alive and people walking, and people in wheelchairs, and people on bikes, and...

And I feel really happy that I left the house and I had a really good onigiri.

But I have to know my limits, and my leg and knee and ankle started to hurt so I'm back home.

I got my pig hat on, and I got my ice packs, and I'm gonna start icing my body down, and maybe just watch a...

A funny TV show to make me feel happy.

-sigh- So

I hope you guys can see the importance of like the small things, helping you to build a ladder.

Even if you don't live in Japan and you don't live somewhere like that you think is super cool,

I think you can still get out there and start changing your perspective and start changing your mindset to see things in a different way.

You know, rub your toes on the grass, or, you know, walk to the convenience store and get a lollipop or a

popsicle or take the car, or call an Uber, or take your bike, you know.

Get out there and change your mind.

Don't keep your spotlight shining inwards in a dark, dark place and let it consume you.

Try to, try to turn that spotlight so that it shines out, and you start seeing the things that life has to offer you.

And you know what? You know you're gonna have another bad day.

It might be tonight. It might be tomorrow.

But at least you started to like build that ladder, to kind of get out of that pit.

So I hope this helped out with you guys. Let me know in the comments section any

tips that you do to help yourself build a ladder. What small things you do within your own house.

What you do with your body. What you do outside the house.

Umm, yeah. And I hope this video didn't make you guys feel too down, but I think it's important to share

some of my bad days with you, too, so that you guys can get an understanding that it's not --

it is not super easy. You know, I do struggle like you guys struggle, and I.. and I try to make myself positive and happy

so that you guys can also feel the positivity, so...

Pig hat and Martina out.