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  • You know what I've noticed?

  • Every time a girl compliments another girl's piece of clothing,

  • We always respond with where we got it from and how good of a deal it was.

  • Thanks! I got it from a thrift store for five dollars.

  • Thanks! Anthropologie. On sale.

  • Thanks! My friend did a clothing swap so I got it for free.

  • But anyway. That has absolutely nothing to do with the video at all.

  • I just thought that it was pretty funny.

  • And now you're gonna notice just how often it happens.

  • But onto why you're potentially ruining your chances at happiness!

  • I've been reading a plethora of psychology books this year,

  • specifically those focused around the issues of relationships, how we attach,

  • and the science behind emotional connectivity.

  • And one thing I've found incredibly fascinating is that there are two main fears

  • that show up over and over again around love.

  • The first one is the fear of abandonment.

  • Ding ding ding! Does that sound familliar?

  • It definitely does for me.

  • Fear of abandonment looks like:

  • Hi! I know I just met you, but now I'm attached.

  • Please don't leave me because it will just devastate my life.

  • I'll stay with you no matter how unhealthy this relationship gets.

  • I am now clingy and demanding!

  • Because I'm totally insecure about the natural space that has evolved over time in our relationship

  • And I'm gonna overreact to and overthink everything.

  • The second is the fear of engulfment.

  • Your love and affection makes me simultaneously feel like I'm on fire and drowning.

  • I desperately want love, but I'm afraid that loving means losing myself and my freedom.

  • You're too close, I need you to back up.

  • Still too close.

  • Keep going.

  • And sometimes we can have both of these fears

  • depending on the dynamics of our relationships. Yay! [kids cheering]

  • And talking to my therapist about my fear of abandonment

  • He said that the number one thing one can do to be more secure in their relationships

  • Is to build self reliance.

  • To know that these fears are triggered by the traumatising death in my past,

  • as well as patterns of physical and emotional unavailability from my parents.

  • Fun stuff.

  • As always, awareness of why you're acting the way you're acting is the first step

  • And slowly but surely cultivating parts of yourself that disallow those fears to be triggered

  • until they no longer hold power over you.

  • It's just so much fun. Growing is the best.

  • But he did say that all of our fears come from who we were as children.

  • And that,

  • [kids cheer]

  • [kids cheer]

  • [kids cheer]

  • [deep voice] WISDOM

  • Thank you to Audible for sponsoring today's video.

  • One book I can't wait to recommend is Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller

  • which goes into the three attachment styles that we developed

  • based on our early relationships with our parents or caregivers.

  • This book was just so helpful in allowing me to understand the healthy and unhealthy ways

  • that I connect with the people in my relationships.

  • So you can go to audible.com/Anna or text Anna to 500-500 to start your free 30-day trial.

  • Every month you get 1 credit good for any audiobook of your choice,

  • Plus 2 Audible originals.

  • Audible members also get access to audio fitness, health workouts, and podcasts.

  • You can listen to audiobooks while you work out, drive, complete household chores,

  • or assemble a thousand piece puzzle by yourself.

  • Go to Audible.com/Anna or text Anna to 500-500 to start your free trial today.

  • Audible, the most inspiring minds, the most compelling stories, the best place to listen.

You know what I've noticed?

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B1 US audible abandonment anna cheer fear triggered

2 fears keeping you from love

  • 48 1
    Amy.Lin posted on 2020/08/06
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