We're gonna be late to the ribbon-cutting ceremony.

- Yeah, Grant, I will not miss the opening

of another Discovery Zone.

- Give me one second.

I'm chatting with a hot mama on Waze.*

(all three groan)

- Grant, not every app is a dating app.

- You're fuckin' wrong.

- How are you even using Waze to hit on someone?

- You can chat with nearby drivers.

- [Grant Texting] Boy, traffic sucks tonight, right?

- [Driver Jane Texts] Yeah, it does.

- [Grant Texting] Where are you headed, beautiful?

- That is awful!

- And dangerous.

- And it's awfully dangerous.

- Why would these apps have a chat function

if not for hitting on people?

Take Venmo.

- [Grant Texting] There's 10 more dollars

if you go on a date with me.

- That truly is awful, Grant.

You're paying for sex.

- You're telling me you never used

strategic liking on Instagram and Facebook to flirt?

- I mean, I guess I do.

- It's the same thing.

Look at CBS All Access.

- [Sheldon on Big Bang Theory] You got Star Trek

in my Star Wars.

- [Leonard on Big Bang Theory] Well, you're the one

who got Star Wars in my Star Trek.

- [Grant Texting] Oh, Sheldon! Hey, do any of you

wanna get Big Banged? (all groan loudly)

- The CBS app!

- God, you are a nightmare, Grant!

- It can't be every app, though.

- You are fuckin' wrong.

- How about apps that don't have a chat function?

- [Blonde Girl] Yes. - [Man In Black Suit] Yeah.

- They do have customer support.

(cell phone beeps)

- [Customer Service Rep] Bubble Level Customer Service,

how can I help you today?

(cell phone beeps)

- [Grant Texting) Nobody understands me,

but maybe you could.

- Let me see that.

(cell phone beeps)

- Gross, your To Do app just says 'you' over and over.

- And every song on your Shazam list is by Prince.

- How do you use the NPR app?

(cell phone beeps)

- [Narrator On App] It's This American Life,

I'm Ira Glass.

Today on our show, Grant's body

and the ways he can use it on you.

- Ooohhh! - What?

- They ran that story?

- Okay, what about the flashlight app?

- I just do this?

- Hey! - Stop!

- Ahhhh!

- Hey, don't do that!

- Jesus Christ! What's wrong with Tinder?

- Oh, I feel like such a creep swiping through people.

- Look, can we just go?

- Yeah, I'll get an Uber.

(cell phone beeps)

- Pool.

- [All Three Friends] No!

- Hey, it's Grant from College Humor.

Click here to subscribe to the channel.

Click here for more fun stuff.

And, sorry.

Guys, it feels like I'm out.

Am I out?

'Cause I can like,

I can see the top of the camera, so it's,

is this better?

Alright, it feels worse.

Okay.

Thanks for watching!