Name: Orlando Leyba Stand-Up
Uploaded: 2020-07-03T09:14:53.000Z
Duration: 5 min 20 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

-Thank you, thank you. Man, just thank you.

To-infinitive

I'm happy to be here and not at home watching "This Is Us."

Uh, I just -- I just don't want to cry anymore.

It's just a TV show. You get me? Yeah, it's just a TV show.

Great pizza, good people, no personal space.

and got touched on all four sides of my body.

All right? That's not safe, according to Discovery Channel.

and you get touched on all four sides of your body,

the only way to get out of there is by shimmying.

You got to shimmy through the crowd, right?

Till you find a wall. You put your back on that wall.

You just learned something -- how to survive.

Yes, I'm a snitch. I'm an Internet snitch.

I got a picture of a white lady on my profile.

They don't know it's me. It doesn't stop --

It doesn't -- So, like the food better be hot or...

You're getting a whole paragraph out of me.

It doesn't stop with Yelp or restaurants.

Social media. Mnh-mnh. I don't like what you post?

I don't care. What? You start preaching some hateful stuff?

I don't like that. Click. Reported. You know?

I don't know what that means. Click. Reported.

Yeah, take a month off, Susan. Take a month off.

My wife -- My wife says that I'm -- that I'm petty.

But I'm petty for all of us. You get me? Yeah.

I'm petty for all of us. I'll give you an example.

Me and my wife were at the mall, you know, walking around,

holding hands, pretending to be happy, right?

She sees a store window. And she goes, "Oh, my God!

And then I go, "No, no, let's keep it moving.

No, that's not for me. That's not for me.

"But those jeans would look great on you!"

And I go, "No, they won't. No, they won't.

And then I said, "You know what? I'll listen to you now

And I went inside, right? I find a salesperson.

I go, "Excuse me. Do you have those jeans in my size?"

She tells me, "Oh, no. We don't have THAT size."

because of the tone and the volume, you get me?

I felt like the whole store turned around and looked at me

like, "Who's the Fatty McFat that can't fit into our jeans?"

But I played it off. And I say, "Okay, I get it.

You ran out of my size. Thank you for your help."

"Oh, no, you don't get it. We NEVER have that size."

Whoo! That sound shot out of me 'cause it hurt me.

Next thing I know, the old man that lives inside my soul

"Ah! This is an outrage!" And I said that.

Subtitles ListPlay Video

Orlando Leyba Stand-Up

pretend

applause

crowd

survive