B1 Intermediate 5 Folder Collection
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-Tariq, you okay, buddy? You look annoyed.
-I'm good.
-You sure? You don't seem good.
-Yeah, I just got some things on my mind. You know?
Things that go on my irk list.
-What's an irk list? -It's just --
It's like a list that I keep of things that annoy me.
Random stuff.
You know what? I'll just show you.
It's time for "Tariq's Irk List."
-♪ Tariq's Irk List ♪
♪ Ba-duh-bah, ba-duh-bah ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
-[ Laughs ] Wow.
-Well, he's writing them down now?
-Yeah.
-First on my list, uh, I got meteorologists.
I mean, just because they're called meteorologists.
I mean, what do you study? Meteors?
Look, you can always be the weatherman or weatherlady.
I'm sorry, Al.
But I watch -- I watch the weather
just to find out what the temperature is for the day.
And then they want to add on a heat windex
or some wind-chill factory before they get to what
they call "the real-feel temperature."
And I go, "All I want to know
is the real-feel temperature in the first place."
I mean, factoring in averages, deducting degrees?
Who's trying to do all that math?
Meteorologists, you're on the irk list.
-Okay. All right, all right. Very good.
So they're on the irk list.
-Speaking of which -- Just a second.
-Who else -- What else is on the irk list?
-Speaking of which, what's up with that long-ass delay
between studio and on-location segments on the news?
It's like, "That's the weather in your neck of the woods.
Back to you, Ralph."
And then Ralph's standing there like...
[ Laughter ]
"Thanks, Al!"
I mean, it's honestly just a few seconds delay,
but the real-feel time is hours.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Jimmy, what are you, like 45? -Yeah.
-Okay. You still got another year or so, but...
Soon you'll see a grown man needs to know
what it's really going to feel like outside.
'Cause any subtle miscalculation in the weather, a rogue sneeze,
an overzealous reach for the remote control
can cause serious bodily harm or injury.
And then what? Huh?
I mean, I used to know who to call,
because there was a jingle stuck in my head for years.
It went...
♪ Cellino and Barnes, injury attorneys ♪
♪ 800-888-8888 ♪
[ Laughter ]
Man, that was a gem.
It had all the pertinent information and no filler.
I mean, who are these guys anyway?
Cellino and Barnes. I mean, what do they do?
They're injure attorneys, fool.
What's their number?
800 and all eights.
Come to find out these jokers are breaking up.
Now nobody wins.
See, now they're probably going to have separate practices.
But how are we going to get in touch with them, Jimmy?
They're probably going to lose that sweet-ass number
we all grew to know and love.
So I go, "What's the new number?"
And it's like...
♪ Cellino injury attorney ♪
♪ Singular, not plural ♪
♪ For serious inquiries, DM my IG or text my sister at ♪
♪ 973-555-01... ♪
I'm like, "Forget it, Cellino!
Your ass is going on the irk list!
And Barnes, too!"
Happy Thanksgiving, mother [bleep]!
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Tariq. Wow!
♪♪
Wow! -I did not see that coming.
-Tariq Trotter, everybody.
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Tariq Trotter's Irk List: Meteorologists, Cellino & Barnes

5 Folder Collection
林宜悉 published on July 3, 2020
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