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  • Happy Satur-K, everybody.

  • So listen, one of my all-time favorite things

  • and one thing that I have been craving is boba tea.

  • OK, now, I talked about this last week.

  • So if you didn't see OMKalen, baby, shame on you.

  • But anyway, back to what I was talking about.

  • So I thought today that I would actually

  • make boba tea from scratch.

  • So let's get cooking, y'all.

  • [THEME MUSIC]

  • There's a lot of steps.

  • How long this take?

  • They didn't even tell me the duration.

  • OK, so let me see.

  • First step, in our sauce pot, we're

  • going to add 1/2 cup of brown sugar, 1/4 cup of water--

  • I already put the water up in there--

  • and 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract.

  • OK, I got back.

  • I'm over here now at the stove.

  • Let me add my vanilla extract.

  • And then me and my 1/2 cup brown sugar.

  • There we go, great, wonderful.

  • Now we're going to stir this up, get it looking real cute.

  • That smell good.

  • Boom.

  • Now I put my lid on there, and we going to let this boil.

  • And once it comes to a boil, we gonna

  • add 1/3 of tapioca starch.

  • Yeah, here my 1/3 of "topiaca."

  • Oh, not "topiaca."

  • Tapioca.

  • Tapioca, that's what it's called.

  • So let me measure out 1/3 of this

  • so I already have it ready.

  • There we go.

  • Dust it out, dust it out.

  • Boom, boom, boom.

  • Do y'all like my cutting board?

  • I just got this.

  • It's real bougie.

  • [RECORD SCRATCHING SOUND EFFECT]

  • OK, now let me make sure this thing is still recording.

  • When you a one-man crew, you got to do everything.

  • Are we rolling still?

  • Yeah, OK.

  • All right, couldn't tell you if it's in focus or not.

  • I wouldn't know.

  • We boiling yet?

  • Do y'all see bubbles?

  • Oh, hold on.

  • I'm glad I kept reading this.

  • OK, immediately transfer starch to wax paper,

  • and knead by hand for three minutes.

  • Boom.

  • But if this is coming from a boiling pot,

  • ain't it gonna burn my hands?

  • They're trying to kill me.

  • Oh, we boiling.

  • OK.

  • OK, so this is the part I got to do fast.

  • Here my 1/3.

  • Can y'all see this?

  • Where the camera at?

  • Here the 1/3 cup of starch.

  • And I'm about to add that in and start for 1 and 1/2 minutes.

  • OK, I ain't got no timer, so I'm just going to count.

  • 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 50 Mississippi.

  • How many seconds is in a minute and a half?

  • I think that's good enough.

  • OK.

  • Turn off the heat.

  • OK, add the starch immediately.

  • Great.

  • And stir.

  • OK, we're doing good, child.

  • This is like butterscotch.

  • Now I'm supposed to take this--

  • OK, we're back over here.

  • And immediately transfer the starch--

  • here we go.

  • Ooh, that don't look good.

  • What the hell?

  • It's like gum.

  • Knead by hand.

  • I don't know how to knead.

  • How you do that?

  • [PAPER RUSTLING]

  • Oh, shoot.

  • Oh, it's sticking.

  • Now, why didn't they tell me I was

  • supposed to put something on here or something like that?

  • And it's burning my hand.

  • You got to do it like Play-Doh.

  • There you go.

  • [SHRIEKS]

  • [THUMPING]

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • OK, I got a rolling pin.

  • Maybe that'll help me.

  • OK.

  • Oh, [BLEEP].

  • It's sticking.

  • I'mma try and put the starch on here.

  • Maybe that'll help me be able to roll it out.

  • This ain't going to work, y'all.

  • This ain't gonna work.

  • Let's see here, what's next?

  • We roll the dough into a 1/5-inch-thick sheet,

  • and then slice into strips.

  • We will see about that.

  • [SQUEAKING SOUND EFFECT]

  • Strips.

  • Now I'm supposed to cut the strips into small squares.

  • So we gonna come this way.

  • [SQUEAKING SOUND EFFECT]

  • Oh, no, I got to dust these with tapioca starch.

  • (SINGING) Dust with tapioca.

  • So this is going to be my bowl.

  • And I'mma put some tapioca starch up in here.

  • OK, now I need to round these off like Play-Doh.

  • (EXCITEDLY) Oh!

  • Oh, this one-- we got a ball.

  • Oh, I got to test it with a straw.

  • Let's see.

  • Ooh, that's too big.

  • I think it will grow in size once cooked.

  • OK, we need smaller balls.

  • Never heard that one before.

  • (SINGING A LA TINA TURNER) Rollin'.

  • Ooh, look at this one.

  • This one cute.

  • This is the best one I made yet.

  • I'mma name him Fred.

  • Hey, Fred.

  • Kalen, do you want to try one?

  • Hell no, I'm not about to try one.

  • This ain't been cooked.

  • What in the world, Jeanetta.

  • As a kid, I actually didn't like boba tea.

  • I thought the little balls at the end were weird.

  • But that was probably before I came into my homosexuality.

  • So now I love them.

  • Usually when you go to a boba place,

  • they'll tell you what the most popular one is.

  • It usually, at all places, is Thai tea.

  • Now, I don't know what the hell is in Thai tea,

  • but it is so good.

  • Where is boba from?

  • Is that a Japanese thing?

  • Chinese?

  • Korean?

  • Janet, where they make boba?

  • I think it originates in Taiwan.

  • Taiwan.

  • Oh, maybe that's why Thai tea is the number one.

  • [RECORD SCRATCHING SOUND EFFECT]

  • Oh, wait, is that the same?

  • Thailand and Taiwan are two different countries.

  • What?

  • Kalen.

  • Never mind.

  • This is proof that they need to teach us

  • more about Asian culture.

  • So we gonna place the pearls into the strainer.

  • Shake off the excess starch.

  • OK, well, we can do that now.

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • See?

  • Now, here my tea maker.

  • Add four cups of milk--

  • I got my milk ready--

  • to a boiling pot.

  • Well, this gonna boil it for me.

  • We gonna do this different than what the instructions say.

  • We're going to do this the Kalen way.

  • Is it right?

  • I don't know.

  • Now, we gonna take our tea, I'm gonna throw it up

  • in my little basket here.