As I mentioned on Sunday, I received the second ever a

Carol Burnett Award.

The first one was given to Carol Burnett, which seemed obvious.

And it's truly an honor.

And when I receive an award like that,

they put together a montage of your work.

And there were things in there that I had completely

forgotten about.

Really?

I mean, whoever put that montage together,

they found things that I was so--

if you're watching, whoever put that montage together,

thank you.

Because it was great.

And if you missed it, I'd like to share it with you now.

When we try on shoes, we do things we're never

going to do in them.

We stand up.

[LAUGHTER]

These are good.

[LAUGHTER]

These are good.

These are good.

I like these.

[MUSIC - JESSIE J - "AIN'T BEEN DONE"]

Please give a warm welcome to Ellen DeGeneres.

You have to stay in shape, though, don't you?

Yeah.

You know, my grandmother started walking five miles a day

when she was 60.

She's 93 today.

And we don't know where the hell she is.

This is her first appearance on network television,

Ellen DeGeneres.

Ellen DeGeneres.

Please welcome Ellen DeGeneres.

I'm going to do it like it ain't been done, on top,

only just begun.

Margo, you need to calm down.

Not there.

That's for company.

(SINGING) And I hope you're holding on.

Cause I'm going, go, and gone.

I mean, what is wrong?

Why do I have to be so ashamed?

I mean, why can't I just say the truth.

Susan, I'm gay.

[APPLAUSE]

[MUSIC - SIA - "ALIVE"]

For the first time, the lead character in a primetime show

will reveal herself to be gay.

And, oh, boy, has the world been talking about that.

It was called "The Puppy Episode"

because we wanted to keep it a secret until it aired,

and because "Ellen Throws Her Career Away" seemed too

on the nose.

I lost my sitcom when I came out.

The same people who loved me, overnight, just hated me.

There's only one place to go after that.

And that is world domination.

So--

[LAUGHTER]

(SINGING) I'm alive!

Turn off the news, turn on Ellen.

You will feel better.

(SINGING) I'm alive!

It's true, they say we use 10% of our brain.

And I think, imagine what we could accomplish

if we use the other 60%.

Do you know what I'm saying?

[LAUGHTER]

For every person that gets dunked,

we will donate $10,000 for breast cancer research.

To me, the most important thing in your life

is to live your life with integrity.

What?

That's funny, yes.

Put that in.

Yes, yes, yes.

The goal of The Ellen Fund is to save a species

on the brink of extinction.

It's been been amazing, a dream come true.

This is very exciting, to be hosting Saturday Night Live.

This is a thrill for me to be hosting The Grammy Awards.

Welcome to the Oscars.

What would bug the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman

in a suit surrounded by Jews.

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC - RACHEL PLATTEN - "FIGHT SONG"]

It's my happy place.

We want to give each one of you a four-year scholarship.

[APPLAUSE]

My power's turned on.

Starting right now, I'll be strong.

And I'll be strong.

I'll play my fight song.

It's just-- it's nice.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ellen inspires us to be better, one joke, one dance at a time.

Hello, I'm--

Dorie!

I thank you.

And I celebrate you all.

No, I've still got a lot of fight left in me.

[APPLAUSE]

Thank you, Hollywood Foreign Press Association.

Kate McKinnon, whenever you leave the house, whenever

you're in this area, please promise you'll come

sit here next to me.

OK.

OK.

I love you.

We'll be back.