What y'all making, horchata?

Milk, corn starch-- oh, now you're going to thicken it up.

Oh, some kind of cream?

Maybe it's a pie.

OK, and butter.

Mm-- wait.

Is that the milk?

Refrigerate?

For what?

What?

Ah!

[LAUGHS]

Whats that jelly thing?

What you going to do with that?

Popsicle stick.

Oh!

Not no deep fried milk.

Ooh.

Baby, Maggie Moo is pissed.

Ha, ha.

OK, what is that for?

Girl, this looks like some deep fried Twinkies.

You try to practice--

Ooh, no, ma'am.

No, no, no.

Mm-mm.

Nasty, nasty.

Jiggly, jiggly.

Ha, ha.

Well, after watching that, y'all know what is coming.

It is time for Kalen's Kountertop.

And today, I'm making fried mother [BLEEP] milk, baby.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

We got 16 ounces of milk in this sauce pan.

Let me show y'all.

Oh, why did I think milk was more heavy than that?

Can you see it?

Do you see it?

Y'all know what milk look like.

And I'm going to add a little lemon peel.

Now, from video, I got to peel this like this,

like a little potato.

Oh.

Woo!

Thank god I've been going to the gym.

Jesus.

Because that's a tough ass lemon.

Where y'all get this lemon from?

Bionic lemon.

Bam!

Ta-da.

Like a dollop of Daisy.

OK, I'm going to add both of these cinnamon sticks.

Does it taste like anything?

Wow, it doesn't.

Does cinnamon actually not have a taste?

Is it all about the aroma?

These are questions I need answered.

OK, let me bring it in here, put that in there too.

Oh, this would be a good candle.

Do I just need to add wax to this?

So the smell reminds me of hot sex.

No.

[LAUGHS] Kind of smells like a cookie.

Oh, like a snicker doodle mixed with lemon.

Now I'm going to put in three ounces of sugar.

This three ounces?

Now I got to stir it before it start burning.

Well, while that's simmering, let

me mix the corn starch and the milk here.

Oh, we got my more milk.

Milk.

Is this whole or 2%?

Then we're going to put the corn starch in.

And corn starch-- it going to get real thick.

I put corn star-- oh, [BLEEP].

I put corn starch also in my peach cobbler.

OK, I'm still worried about this.

So I'm going to stir these all at the same time.

See?

Look, multitasking.

I'm a pro whisker.

I'm a whisk-taker.

[LAUGHS] Now that I mixed the corn starch and the milk

together, I will be pouring it into the sauce pan.

But I think I'm supposed to take out the lemon and [BLEEP],,

right, first?

OK.

Look at that cooked lemon.

And the cinnamon.

Now we're going to put this in here with the milk,

mix this concoction together.

I was told I had to pour it from that side so y'all could see

it.

Oh, I got to turn the heat up.

And we got to stir it till it thickens.

It smell good.

I ain't never smelled nothing like this before.

Maybe Christmas morning.

(SINGING) Fa- who- foraze.

Fa- who- foraze.

Now, apparently, this is supposed to get thick.

But guess what it's not doing?

Getting thick.

I'm thicker than this damn milk.

Maybe I need to let it sit.

You was in science class, right?

You know how atoms work and particles.

When you're trying to change a liquid to a solid,

it's got to be stable at a certain degree.

I don't know if that's true or not.

I didn't do too well on the science part on the ACT.

That's OK.

Because look at me now.

Stay in school.

Oh, something's happening here.

I see some different colors.

Uh-oh.

Or it could be the corn starch.

But I thought I whisked pretty good.

Because I'm a whisk-a-teer.

Churn, baby, churn.

Oh, it is thickening up.

Pro tip.

The reason why you use corn starch?

Because it thickens whatever you put into it.

So if you want a thick ass, eat corn starch.

Ha, ha.

OK, I turned off the heat.

And now I'm going to pour it up into this buttered bowl.

Thicc-a-licious.

Actually, this is great for my pores.

I'm getting high off the milk.

[LAUGHS]

Now we gotta wait till it cools down to room temperature.

[YAWNS] Tired.

In today's day and age, we actually

have a lot of different kind of milk.

And we use whole milk today.

But there's skim milk.

There's 2% milk.

There's lactose-free milk.

There's whole milk with omega something in it.

There is vitamin C milk, vitamin D milk, vitamin E milk.

And then when the vegans were born,

then we started getting almond milk, oat milk.

Then there was a time when folks was

trying to get all political about milk.

But we still got breast milk.

Let me touch it.

Yeah, that's room temperature if we was in hell.

[LAUGHS]

Now let's go put this in the fridge, y'all.

I'll see y'all in three hours.

I'm going to take a nap while I'm do--

Who make this stool?

It's all slanted.

OK.

OK, I'll be right back, y'all.

I got to act like I just came from the refrigerator.

And voila, here it is, fresh from my frigerator.

The good old milk.

Wow, it just flopped out of there.

I wasn't expecting it to come out that easily.

OK, now we're going to cut the milk.

Ooh!

That's nasty!

Oh, this is so fricking gross.

Whose idea was this?

Y'all really be bored in life.

This is a big Popsicle.

And I am a little concerned.

Insert.

There we go.

They want us to do the flour first.

So here we go.

Boom.

Oh, damn.

Damn.

Damn, damn.

Damn.

I told y'all this was too damn big.

Oh, good god almighty.

Let's try it out with this one.

I have been told to be gentle.

I'm going to bring this over here to the egg.

I hope the oil's hot enough.

This going to take forever.

Well, let's see, how does it feel.

It's slimy, very jelly-like.

Let's break it up.

Let's look inside.

Well, it sticks.

It's landings.

So we're going to try and take this thing out to the best

that it looks.

Wow.

This is how y'all season y'all food.

That's the only way this going to be good.

[SNEEZES] Sorry.

This cimmanon sugar made me sneeze.

Oh, my god.

Y'all, look at this.

Mm.

It's not terrible.

Has very weird consistency.

The cinnamon sugar does help.

I feel like I wouldn't be able to eat this

because it's too slimy.

I think Karter would really enjoy this.

It may give you a cavity or two.

Look, it's a milkshake.

Jiggle, jiggle, baby.

Well, that was udderly fry-tening.

Get it?

Udder and fry.

OK.

[LAUGHS]

Comment below to let me know if you tried this fried milk

concoction.

And also, if you decide to this week,

I would love to see you make this yourself and try it.

Just send me the video.

I would like to see it.

But until next time, bye-bye.

I probably need to go get some Tums or something.

[BLEEP] We're going to stick this Popsicle

right in the middle of it.

No.

I knew y'all did judge me.

Don't be mad.

Because I'm thiccer than a snicker, baby.

[MUSIC PLAYING]