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  • DAVID CHOE: Three.

  • Season three, "Thumbs Up." What's up, everyone?

  • My name is David Choe.

  • I'm here with the son of my uncle's cousin, Harry Kim, AKA

  • Guam Cruise, AKA Horny Kim, AKA Harry Kim.

  • Gettin' down.

  • Got ribs.

  • Anyways, "Thumbs Up." This is a show about hitchhiking,

  • riding trains, riding airplanes, riding boats.

  • Any means necessary to get across whatever

  • country that might be.

  • Today that country happens to be China.

  • That's where we are right now.

  • In BJ, Beijing.

  • A city known for Peking Duck and hand release.

  • And it's the art capital of the world right now.

  • We're going to hitchhike across this country.

  • We're going to go someplace, maybe warm, someplace

  • hopefully where there's gambling and some

  • nice looking ladies.

  • We're going to start that adventure today.

  • But before we start--

  • you know, in a perfect world, I would make a living from

  • hitchhiking.

  • Unfortunately, I make my living from drawing pictures,

  • and painting stuff, and pushing pigment around.

  • And that's what brought me here.

  • I have my first art show in China.

  • So come on America, come on China.

  • Come see what I do for a living.

  • Why don't you get to know me a little bit?

  • Let's check out some art.

  • "Thumbs Up" season three.

  • Hey.

  • Let's go to look my room.

  • Oh.

  • Look who we have here.

  • So, this is basically where I've been living for

  • the last two weeks.

  • Three weeks, now.

  • And this is where I stay, where I put my whole show of

  • art together for China.

  • I never been here before.

  • And the skies were grey, there's soldiers, there's

  • dirty ass street markets.

  • And all this stuff was amazing for inspiration for all the

  • paintings and stuff, but it's bleak.

  • There's nothing out where I am.

  • And I was painting like I was a monk.

  • And I got really fuckin' horny.

  • I wanted to fuck so bad.

  • But I don't speak the language.

  • I don't speak one word of Chinese.

  • From here, we went to the mall.

  • It was the first time I had been around

  • women in three weeks.

  • So I was looking pretty much how I look now, sleazy as

  • fuck, holding a bucket of KFC, eating the chicken, going down

  • the elevator, trying to look up skirts.

  • Trying to hit on girls.

  • Ni hao.

  • Not having very good luck with it.

  • I just got a raging boner at the Chinese mall.

  • I couldn't [INAUDIBLE]

  • to any of these girls.

  • So I came back to this room right here.

  • Harry was pretending to be sleeping.

  • And I fucking jacked off day and night for 36 hours.

  • And in this angle right here, after my my penis was stuck to

  • my leg like this and I couldn't fucking

  • touch myself anymore.

  • I looked up his metal ceiling beams right here.

  • And there's like a metal rust pattern on there.

  • And in my zapped out state, that pattern of the old man

  • popped out at me.

  • So I grabbed my sketchbook and I started drawing this old man

  • staring at me.

  • This sort of became a catalyst for the new shit that I did

  • out here, which was this old pervert, hanging out at the

  • mall, staring at chicks.

  • Everyone always asks me what my art's about.

  • And it's about the gigantic pervert that lives inside me.

  • Scumbag.

  • We're all scumbags.

  • So this is the old man.

  • This is the oil painting I did from that little sketch from

  • the old man on the ceiling.

  • And I did a ton of these outside.

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: I tried to talk to many girls today so far, and

  • none of them speak English.

  • Mia seems to speak perfect English, so we're going to

  • talk to her a little bit.

  • MIA: And I'm such a fan.

  • DAVID CHOE: You're a fan?

  • MIA: Yes I am.

  • DAVID CHOE: Oh, cool.

  • Me and Harry are going to leave tomorrow on a

  • hitchhiking trip.

  • you Do you think anyone's going to pick us up?

  • Do you think it's a good idea, a bad idea?

  • MIA: I just think it's going to be tough, because

  • hitchhiking is not really part of Chinese culture.

  • Are you just going to do this?

  • Or are you going to have a little board?

  • DAVID CHOE: If we make a sign, what should the sign say?

  • MIA: Say, pick me up, I'm an artist.

  • DAVID CHOE: Pick me up, I'm an artist?

  • Other signs we've had in America, we just write, we

  • have vaginas.

  • And we toss salads.

  • And that's the signs we have.

  • MIA: Wow.

  • Good luck.

  • DAVID CHOE: Good luck, OK.

  • So, Harry's sister lives in China.

  • And I told him, no hoes on the road.

  • We got to keep it bros only.

  • And this fucking guy.

  • And his sister's the most fucking annoying--

  • why did you do that?

  • HARRY KIM: I don't know.

  • We're in the same city, dude.

  • I don't know.

  • DAVID CHOE: Shh.

  • Here she comes.

  • Hi, Stephanie.

  • STEPHANIE: Hey!

  • HARRY KIM: Hi, Stephanie!

  • Hey!

  • DAVID CHOE: Hi, hi.

  • So.

  • How's China?

  • STEPHANIE: It's good.

  • What the fuck?

  • You guys going to try and go on a roadtrip without me?

  • DAVID CHOE: All right.

  • You really want to come?

  • STEPHANIE: Yeah, please.

  • DAVID CHOE: All right, so I have had fun talking to people

  • in Chinese that don't speak Chinese.

  • But Stephanie speaks a little Chinese, so she can help us.

  • This might fuck up the combo we have.

  • The equation.

  • All right.

  • Let's do it.

  • What else do we need here?

  • HARRY KIM: Just a suit.

  • DAVID CHOE: I gotta look sharp.

  • I'm going hitchhiking.

  • I gotta look slick.

  • How's that look?

  • HARRY KIM: It's sharp.

  • DAVID CHOE: All right.

  • We've got cabbage.

  • We got mad cabbage.

  • All we need is a ride.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Thumbs up!

  • HARRY KIM: Thumbs up.

  • DAVID CHOE: Me, Stephanie, and Harry, we just got a ride from

  • the darkest Chinese man I've ever seen in my life, with the

  • most beautiful smile.

  • He just dropped us off in this bombed-out building.

  • The gallery kicked me out.

  • I'm in Beijing still.

  • I think this is a good place to set up camp for tonight and

  • the get ready to head out.

  • I wasn't ready for our new addition, but let's see

  • how it works out.

  • Let's check out the spot.

  • HARRY KIM: This looks nice.

  • DAVID CHOE: Goodnight, America.

  • Thumbs up.

  • Thumbs up, China.

  • I love you, even though you don't speak English.

  • Engrish.

  • See you tomorrow.

  • "Thumbs Up," China.

  • It's our second day on the road, our third day filming.

  • So I guess, officially, "Thumbs Up" China, season

  • three, day three.

  • Horrible sleep last night.

  • The smell of petrified shit filling our nose.

  • We ended up waking up super early.

  • Beijing's cool, but I'm ready to see the rest of China.

  • I guess in China you can walk right on to the freeway.

  • We're trying to get a ride.

  • I'm pretty tired.

  • Let's see if she can get something going.

  • I've never traveled with a female companion.

  • Harry's always been enough woman for me to get a ride.

  • Stephanie's working her magic.

  • We'll see if her female charms work against the gruff Chinese

  • truck drivers.

  • In America, the truck drivers almost never pick up because

  • of insurance reasons.

  • I don't know if it's the same out here.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: All right.

  • There's one more truck right there.

  • Stephanie's first try, fail.

  • But don't be mad.

  • There's another truck.

  • Let's give it another shot.

  • There's another truck, too.

  • I think our chances are going to be good here.

  • They said nobody picks up hitchhikers, but we'll see

  • what happens.

  • Tell him he's very handsome and I want to interview him

  • while he's driving.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Yeah?

  • All right!

  • Yes.

  • A lovely couple, empty bus, our first ride.

  • Thumbs up, China.

  • Hey, tell them I'm going to sing a song for them.

  • STEPHANIE: She can understand you.

  • [INAUDIBLE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Oh, you understand?

  • STEPHANIE: [INAUDIBLE]

  • DAVID CHOE: What?

  • It doesn't get [INAUDIBLE]

  • than this.

  • America, look.

  • We just got our first ride.

  • Look, a completely empty bus.

  • There's no one in here.

  • And we got fruits, snacks, and a gold mic.

  • Stephanie, you want to take a song?

  • Stephanie failed on her first try.

  • Her second try popped her cherry.

  • You got a ride.

  • Man, fuck everyone that said we're not going to get picked

  • up in China.

  • High five, everyone.

  • Come on.

  • High five, high five, high five.

  • High five, come on.

  • Is she mad that her husband picked us up?

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: She's pretty pissed.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Oh, no, no, no, she's not pissed.

  • I would very much like to find a Chinese wife for

  • myself or for Harry.

  • But all the Chinese go so far say they don't like us because

  • we play around too much.

  • A Chinese girl?

  • STEPHANIE: She says how can Chinese people

  • not like you guys?

  • DAVID CHOE: That's what I'm saying.

  • [WEIRD HUMMING]

  • DAVID CHOE: Whoa, what's going on back here?

  • Something's happening.

  • Oh, whoa.

  • HARRY KIM: [SINGING]

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • HARRY KIM: [SINGING]

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: You'll be rich.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • HARRY KIM: [SINGING]

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: Oh, Badaling.

  • We're almost at the first stop of the Great Wall of China.

  • [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: This is fucking great.

  • The guy is dropping me by the Great Wall of China.

  • I've fucking wanted to paint the Great Wall of China my

  • entire life, and it's happening now.

  • Man, I'm in love with this country.

  • I love China, I love Stephanie, I love Harry, I

  • love this girl, I love her son, and I love the guy.

  • Bye!

  • Is this the Great Wall of China?

  • STEPHANIE: No, it's right there, fool.

  • DAVID CHOE: Oh my god!

  • STEPHANIE: You're fucking retarded.

  • DAVID CHOE: Oh my god, dude.

  • This is fucking awesome.

  • Just got our first ride, and he dropped us off at the Great

  • fucking Wall of China.

  • I'm going to fucking paint that shit, dude, it's awesome.

  • Lifetime fantasy, fulfilled.

  • Another one, off the checklist.

  • Was to paint the entire Great Wall of China.

  • But that was what I was young, dumb, and full of cum.

  • I'm fucking about to turn 33 in a couple of weeks.

  • And one brick is enough.

  • Right?

  • HARRY KIM: One at a time.

  • DAVID CHOE: Let's get out of here.

  • Hey, fuck this shit.

  • Hey, everyone.

  • More human shit at the Great Wall.

  • Fucking take a shit at the Great Wall.

  • STEPHANIE: Grow up.

  • DAVID CHOE: So we're eating at this restaurant, and I don't

  • understand Chinese and Stephanie's taking a shit.

  • But basically, I think these girls think Harry's Buddha.

  • They started rubbing his belly and catcalling him.

  • Look at him, they're loving it.

  • He just danced and took pictures

  • with them for an hour.

  • They gave us a free tofu and a free chicken.

  • The guy's a pimp, man.

  • He's fucking Buddha.

  • The funky Buddha.

  • Look, all the chefs came out to see us.

  • Look.

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: I love you!

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • DAVID CHOE: Give her a kiss!

  • HARRY KIM: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • FEMALE SPEAKER: I love you!

  • DAVID CHOE: Another day, another show.

  • Day four.

  • "Thumbs Up" Chinese.

  • Yesterday was a pretty amazing day.

  • We have a wonderful new addition to the team.

  • Miss Stephanie is here to help us.

  • I don't think I've ever gotten a ride so quickly.

  • She did a fail on the first ride and then we got picked up

  • on the second one by a tour bus couple.

  • And then we offered them our singing dog boy Harry as a

  • side show attraction.

  • And they refused, but they did give us a pretty awesome ride.

  • I got to fulfill my lifelong fantasy of

  • painting the Great Wall.

  • And then we ended up in a town last night called--

  • hey, what's the name of this town?

  • STEPHANIE: We're in Datong, right?

  • DAVID CHOE: We're in Datong.

  • DAVID CHOE: They said it's the stepping point to Mongolia.

  • But it's also the dust bowl of China.

  • DAVID CHOE: Mongolia?

  • STEPHANIE: We should go west along the Yellow River.

  • DAVID CHOE: All right, let's go.

  • I got this suit made, and the crotch

  • ripped while I was squatting.

  • I don't know how to sew, so I have duct tape

  • and this red shit.

  • Stephanie, she found a place to get my pants fixed.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: I went like this.

  • I went like this and it went (RIPPING SOUND).

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • They want you to go inside.

  • Did I scare the ladies off?

  • It's right here.

  • So, not a good day for me.

  • I ripped my pants.

  • I just got my pants fixed.

  • I'm pretty sick, I think I have the flu, and I have

  • explosive diarrhea.

  • I had to shit four times this morning already, almost once

  • in my pants.

  • All right, let's go.

  • Either the Chinese Santa Claus lives here, or the Chinese

  • Spider-Man.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MR. HUANG: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • His name is Mr. Huang.

  • DAVID CHOE: Mr. Huang.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MR. HUANG: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: He's already married.

  • DAVID CHOE: Tell him he's very handsome.

  • You're very handsome.

  • You're beautiful.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: You have a killer smile.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MR. HUANG: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • He's the hottest dude in Datong.

  • DAVID CHOE: Tell him, can he give us a ride?

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Harry will dance in the car [INAUDIBLE].

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Things are so easy when you

  • have tits and a pussy.

  • Look at them.

  • These guys got jizz coming out of their ears.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • OK.

  • DAVID CHOE: OK, Let's go.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MR. ZHAO: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: That was the fucking slowest

  • ride we ever got.

  • This fucking vehicle we're riding is

  • powered by sesame oil.

  • You like that?

  • You like it?

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MR. ZHAO: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: I'm an interior decorator.

  • I'm going to paint this house for you, OK?

  • This is for you.

  • Harry, come here.

  • I'm going to paint you.

  • HARRY KIM: [HOWLING]

  • DAVID CHOE: What's his name?

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MR. ZHAO: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: Zhao.

  • DAVID CHOE: Zhao.

  • STEPHANIE: Mr. Zhao.

  • DAVID CHOE: Mr. Zhao, what do you do for a living?

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MR. ZHAO: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: He demolishes.

  • DAVID CHOE: He demolishes?

  • So we'll definitely help him.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Ask him if any of these give you energy.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Sensual.

  • Sensual power.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: No, no, no, this power.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Which of these makes my dick hardest?

  • MALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: He says this one makes your cum more flavorful.

  • DAVID CHOE: This one?

  • STEPHANIE: This one.

  • DAVID CHOE: This peanut that's a little bit burnt gives your

  • jizz a little smoky, roasty flavor.

  • Who's the boss?

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: You're the boss?

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: He's the boss?

  • MALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: He says they're all bosses.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Please give us a ride out of this area.

  • Please?

  • Please?

  • MALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: Ride or die, China.

  • Fucking love you.

  • We could never have this much luck getting rides.

  • Pussy power.

  • I love women.

  • STEPHANIE: Panda.

  • Panda titties.

  • DAVID CHOE: (LAUGHS) Panda titties rule.

  • Thank you for the ride.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MR. XI: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: How old is he?

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MR. XI: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • He's 21!

  • DAVID CHOE: What!

  • HARRY KIM: Ohhh.

  • STEPHANIE: Aw, he can drink and drive now.

  • DAVID CHOE: No college, straight to driving?

  • Construction?

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MR. XI: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • DAVID CHOE: What's his name?

  • STEPHANIE: Uh, Mr. Xi

  • DAVID CHOE: Mr. Xi.

  • Pimping sweater.

  • Pimping sweater, dude.

  • Dope ass fucking sweater, man.

  • All right, Mr. Xi.

  • Have a good one.

  • STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

  • MR. XI: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

DAVID CHOE: Three.

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