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  • (BOOMSTICK) Punching: the most useful language in the world when words fail. And these two lovely ladies are fluent in it.

  • (WIZ) Yang Xiao Long, the adventurous huntress from RWBY...

  • (BOOMSTICK) And Tifa Lockhart, the Final Fantasy heavy-hitter with enormous...power. He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick!

  • (WIZ) And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win...a DEATH BATTLE.

  • (WIZ) The World of Remnant is...well, crazy.

  • Vicious creatures called "Grimm" run wild; entire cities have gone to waste; and every single weapon... is also a gun. Even nunchuks.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Ohh, that sounds like Disneyland to me--the happiest, most gun-filled place on Earth.

  • (WIZ) Luckily, the world is protected by the Huntsmen and Huntresses, an elite group of expertly-trained warriors.

  • (BOOMSTICK) And where else would you get the training to kill bloodthirsty monsters...than from high school?

  • (Yang) Oh, I can't believe my baby sister is going to Beacon with me! This is the best day EVER!

  • (RUBY) Please, stop...

  • (WIZ) After losing her mother to mysterious circumstances, and being trained all her life by her hero/legend of an uncle,

  • Yang Xiao Long was accepted into Beacon Academy.

  • (BOOMSTICK) It's kinda like Hogwarts, except replace wands and books with swords, sniper rifles, and giant transforming scythes.

  • Man, this place keeps getting better and better. Seriously, I know where I'm going to retire now.

  • (WIZ) A natural fighter and thrillseeker at heart, Yang fit right in and soon found herself a member of the color-coordinated Team RWBY,

  • led by her younger sister...Ruby.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Because that's not confusing at all...

  • (RUBY) I'm talking about kicking off the semester with a BANG!

  • (YANG) I always kick MY semesters off with a YANG! Eh? Guys? Am I right?

  • (BOOMSTICK) Anyway, Yang's time at Beacon was well-spent, and she became the master of punching all the things.

  • (WIZ) See, while Yang's fellow teammates wield a scythe, a couple swords, some big guns--Yang's style of combat takes a more...direct approach.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Yeah, she does--with her shotgun-gauntlets!

  • (WIZ) Her two golden bracelets aren't just stylish; they extend to form a weapon called the Ember Celica.

  • (BOOMSTICK) With just a punch, the Ember Celica fires off a flash of kinetic energy, blasting a foe with an explosion of force and a beautiful sound.

  • (YANG) I! HOPE! YOU'RE! HUN-GRY!

  • (BOOMSTICK) To top it off, these concussive blasts can fly several hundred feet!

  • Yang is one of the few people I know who can punch a bird out of the sky! That's what you get for crapping on my car!

  • (WIZ) In addition, like most Huntresses, Yang can manifest her soul as an Aura.

  • Aura can be used to block deadly attacks and heal minor wounds. And Yang's is no different.

  • (BOOMSTICK) But my favorite way she uses her Aura is when she goes Super Saiyan.

  • (WIZ) Many Hunters and Huntresses possess a Semblance, a special power unique to them

  • that makes Beacon Academy look a little more like the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Yang's Semblance absorbs damage from hits she takes, adding them to her own physical power.

  • After taking just two attacks from a mech suit, she was strong enough to shatter the whole thing in one go.

  • (WIZ) Unfortunately, her Semblance does not increase her Aura's defense, so she feels the full force of everything that hits her Aura,

  • and can only absorb power so long as she remains conscious.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Luckily, she's pretty tough.

  • Yang survived a punch that easily smashed her through a concrete pillar. You know, the ones designed to hold up entire bridges?

  • (WIZ) And during a food fight--remember, this is high school--Yang was knocked up into the air and did not come back down for about 100 seconds.

  • More than enough time to reach terminal velocity. This means, upon landing, she took an impact of nearly fifty tons of force.

  • (BOOMSTICK) And stood right back up like it was nothing! Ah, what a waste of good food...

  • (WIZ) Despite this, Yang can only take so much.

  • Her Aura has a limit, as does her short temper. Pushing both of these too far leaves her extremely vulnerable.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Like when this ice-cream lady knocked her out because Yang had been fighting monsters all day with no sleep.

  • (WIZ) It's also worth noting Yang is less adaptable when fighting against foes specializing in kicks.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Still, she's confident she's one of the best in her class and dedicated to graduating Huntress School,

  • so she can travel the world fighting everyone just for the thrill of it.

  • (YANG) Alley-oop!

  • (enjoying herself)

  • Whoa-oh-oh... Whoo-hoo!

  • Oof... Nailed it!

  • (WIZ) Far to the west on the planet Gaia lies a small mountain village called Nibelheim.

  • At first glance, this town appears calm and peaceful, not worth a second look.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Until a sword-wielding Goth guy found his alien mother hidden inside. He celebrated with fireworks.

  • (WIZ) After losing her parents and watching the madman Sephiroth burn her hometown to ashes,

  • Tifa Lockhart joined AVALANCHE, a group dedicated to protecting the Planet from ecological harm...and Meteors.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Speakin' of Meteors, check out the size of the--

  • (WIZ) BOOMSTICK!

  • (BOOMSTICK) What?! I was talking about the Meteor!

  • (WIZ) Sure, you were.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Anyway, Tifa was thrust into the stereotypical gender-role of housekeeper by maintaining the hidden AVALANCHE homebase, 7th Heaven.

  • But it wasn't all bad, because it also doubled as a bar.

  • (WIZ) And she doubled as a bouncer.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Now, I've been thrown out of my fair share of bars for totally illegitimate reasons,

  • but not even I would urinate on the 7th Heaven jukebox with Tifa on guard.

  • (WIZ) Smart choice, since she is a master of close-quarters combat.

  • Tifa is a feint brawler, adept at surprising foes with quick, powerful strikes.

  • And as she traveled with her friend, Cloud, to save the Planet, she learned seven legendary techniques: the Limit Breaks.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Accessing her inner gambler, Tifa's Limit Breaks include rapid-fire punches, explosive throwdowns,

  • and summoning dolphins who uppercut people?! That's just awesome!

  • And if she manages to throw all of them in order, she charges the last of her Limit energy into one final, titanic punch: the Final Heaven!

  • F@&# you, squirrel!

  • (WIZ) Tifa is ready to throw down at a moment's notice, and even wears leather gloves everywhere she goes, just in case a fight comes her way.

  • (BOOMSTICK) And if she decides to get REALLY serious, Ms. Lockhart busts out her two round, beautiful Ultimate Weapons...

  • (WIZ) Don't you dare--

  • (BOOMSTICK) ...the Premium Heart!

  • (WIZ) Oh. Well...the Premium Heart increases Tifa's striking power immensely, and continues to do so over time as she builds Limit Energy.

  • However, they lose this increase after Tifa uses her Limit Breaks and need time to charge back up.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Oh, that sounds like it could be a problem...oh, if she didn't also have magic!

  • (WIZ) In Final Fantasy VII, there's a wide variety of magical ability-granting gems called Materia.

  • Any person can wield any Materia, and it's up to the game's actual player to decide who gets what, giving Tifa no standard Materia setup.

  • However, thanks to the Dissidia fighting series, we know Tifa prefers to carry Fire and Ice Materia into battle.

  • (BOOMSTICK) These Fire and Ice Materia let Tifa conjure and wield... fire and ice.

  • Combine that with her freakish, superhuman strength and she's like an unstoppable powerhouse.

  • (WIZ) Well, her immense power does come at a price; her skills in speed and defense are somewhat lacking, making her something of a glass cannon.

  • But, to help make up for this, Tifa wears two armor pieces. She wears a ribbon on her arm in memory of her late friend, Aerith.

  • (BOOMSTICK) *sniff* C'mon, man, don't bring that up!

  • (WIZ) ...Which protects her from negative effects, like poison and paralysis.

  • She also likely wears the Minerva Band to defend from fire and ice.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Glass cannon or not, her strength is ridiculous. She's strong enough to fight an embodiment of Sephiroth, and throw giant monsters around like nothing.

  • (WIZ) And there was the time she helped throw Cloud through the air to reach the flying monster, Bahamut SIN.

  • After leaving Tifa's hand, you can see a Mach cone form around Cloud, which means that Tifa must have helped throw him with enough force to break the sound barrier.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Oh, Cloud's a lightweight. C'mon, how hard can that be?

  • (WIZ) Well, factoring in the weight of Cloud and his giant weapon...

  • (BOOMSTICK) Heh...

  • (WIZ) He must've been thrown with up to 153 tons of force.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Well, $#*!, talk about power! You don't wanna mess with Tifa's strong, twin, firm...

  • (WIZ) Noooo...

  • (BOOMSTICK) ...fists.

  • Also, she's got a really nice rack. Did I mention that yet?

  • (TIFA) Feels like you're flying, doesn't it?

  • (TIDUS screams)

  • (WIZ) All right, the combatants are set! Let's end this debate once and for all!

  • (BOOMSTICK) It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!

  • (BOUNCER) Hold up! Lemme see some ID.

  • (YANG) Hello! No need to panic, people; just looking for someone.

  • I WILL take a Strawberry Sunrise, though. No ice. Thanks!

  • (TIFA) Sorry, Miss. I think you'd better turn yourself around and look elsewhere.

  • (YANG) So... does this mean no Sunrise?

  • Take a good look, got you sprung, got you hooked

  • If looks were a crime, I'd be the biggest crook

  • My sexy lips, dreamy eyes--look into my eyes

  • ♪ I've got you under my spell; I got you hypnotized

  • ♪ I'll make you my fool, my living footstool

  • ♪ I'm beauty; you're the beast

  • (YANG) Having fun? I sure am! ♪ I'm the stallion; you're the mule

  • (TIFA) Ugh, don't mock me! ♪ I'm looking so good from head to toe

  • ♪ I see you looking at me; your pants tell me so

  • ♪ I see you looking--you looking, looking, looking at me

  • ♪ I know you're wishing--you're wishing, wishing you could be me

  • Look in the mirror and tell me, tell me what do you see

  • So tell me, what do you see? ♪

  • So when you looking at me? ♪

  • Roll out the red carpet 'cuz the queen is here

  • And bow down before me

  • (TIFA) All right, warm-up's over! ♪ And be of good cheer

  • Have my bath ready and my food prepared

  • I'm gonna blow you out of the water! ♪ It's not my fault that you're ugly. Stay over there. ♪

  • Say "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the prettiest of them all?" ♪

  • Take this! ♪ Me! Me! Me! Me! ♫

  • Come at me and you'll see

  • (TIFA) Had enough?

  • ♪ I'm more than meets the eye

  • You think that you'll break me

  • You're gonna find in time

  • (YANG) Not even close.

  • You're standing too close to a flame that's burning

  • Hotter than the sun in the middle of July

  • Sending out your army, but you still can't win

  • Listen up, silly boy, 'cause I'm gonna tell you why-y-y ♪

  • ♪ (I BURN!) ♪

  • Can't hold me down

  • You got nothing that can stop me (I BURN!) ♪

  • (TIFA) You're going down!

  • Swing all you want

  • Like a fever, I'll take you down

  • Don't move!

  • Ugh...

  • (painful groaning)

  • All right... let's see if you can keep up with this!

  • (playful dolphin noise)

  • Here goes!

  • ♪ (I BURN!) ♪

  • (YANG) Ugh... Did I just explode?! ♪ Can't hold me down

  • You got nothing that can stop me

  • (TIFA) FINAL...HEAVEN!!! ♪ (I BURN!) ♪

  • (massive explosion!) ♪ Swing all you want

  • Like a fever, I'll take you (I BURN!) ♪ *Yang goes Super Saiyan*

  • What in the world...!?!?

  • Can't hold me down

  • You got nothing that can stop me (I BURN!) ♪

  • Swing all you want

  • (YANG) You like that?!

  • Like a fever, I'll take you down! ♫

  • *The sound of Fans of Tifa/FF7 screaming.*

  • Nailed it.

  • (BOOMSTICK) *Sigh...* Cross another potential wife off the list...

  • (WIZ) Tifa was naturally stronger and more experienced than Yang, but Yang's Semblance quickly turned all of Tifa's power against her.

  • (BOOMSTICK) Even the Minerva Band, the best of Tifa's armor options to counter Yang's strength and shotgun blasts, was eventually overtaken by the Semblance.

  • (WIZ) Plus, while Tifa could lift creatures many times heavier than Cloud using her Limit Breaks,

  • she never shows this kind of strength anywhere else, implying that this power is exclusive to those Limit Breaks rather than something she possesses naturally.

  • (BOOMSTICK) And even though Tifa's Premium Heart increased in power over time, they reset after her Limit Breaks while Yang's power kept on rising.

  • (WIZ) However, Yang's real trump card was her Aura. Her Semblance would have been useless if she could not survive Tifa's attacks.

  • Luckily, her Aura is durable enough to take a punch that shattered a concrete pillar about four feet wide, a feat which requires at least 1400 tons of force.

  • (BOOMSTICK) That's the equivalent of having 360 jet liners fall on your face!

  • Yang's power just pulled through in a snap.

  • (WIZ) The winner is Yang Xiao Long!

  • (BOOMSTICK) Next time, on DEATH BATTLE...

  • (???) Hello, Chad and Ben, and all you DEATH BATTLE fans.

  • Ol' Wiz and Boomstick had a great scheme going on for a while there,

  • having you follow them on Twitter to find out which of your favorite characters they're going to massacre in the next fight.

  • Well...now it's my turn.

  • You see this? It's the hard drive that contains all of the DEATH BATTLE matchups and outcomes for the next year. And it's mine now.

  • If you ever want to see your precious DEATH BATTLE again... Well, you know what to do.

  • To prove that I have the content, I will release the next matchup in the season finale of "The Industry" this Saturday.

  • The name's John. John Francis McCallagh. And DEATH BATTLE...is mine.

  • (CHAD) All right. That wasn't the real hard drive though, right?

  • (BEN) No, no. I've got it right...

  • ...$#*!

(BOOMSTICK) Punching: the most useful language in the world when words fail. And these two lovely ladies are fluent in it.

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