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  • - I know this must be a stressful thing

  • for you having to hire someone new.

  • So just let me know what I can do for you

  • to make this as smooth as possible.

  • Uh, your job posting was a little bit unclear

  • so I went ahead, I rewrote it,

  • made it a little more streamlined.

  • So, statistically,

  • this should bring in much more highly-qualified candidates.

  • - [Interviewer] What's a time you've had

  • a disagreement at work?

  • - I find that disagreements, they're generally improper.

  • And as long as everyone feels good, and is happy

  • and is getting along, management can do as they see fit.

  • - [Interviewer] Uh, what are you... ?

  • - Oh, sorry, I was just sketching your portrait.

  • You can keep that.

  • Also, I was wondering,

  • do you have a kombucha bar for employees?

  • - [Interviewer] Can you handle

  • a fast-paced working environment?

  • - The speed at which you're asking me these questions,

  • makes me question how fast-paced it truly is.

  • - [Interviewer] Where do you see yourself in five years?

  • - CEO of a company that will buy your company

  • and increase profits a hundred-fold.

  • - [Interviewer] What's this?

  • - It's a poem I wrote about how I feel

  • about this job interview.

  • It's called Locking my Own Cage from the Inside.

  • - [Interviewer] Okay.

  • - It's actually pretty good.

  • - [Interviewer] I see there's a gap in your employment.

  • Why was that?

  • - Uh (chuckling) yeah, gap in my resume,

  • just like the gap in your teeth, am I right?

  • I'm just playing around, just kidding.

  • The gaps in my resume.

  • I am sorry, I am just mesmerized by your teeth, right now.

  • - [Interviewer] What would you say are your strengths?

  • - Is my resume not detailed enough?

  • Do I need to spell it out for you?

  • Here, gimme that.

  • (paper shuffling)

  • Let me just read it to you,

  • since apparently, it's not clear enough.

  • Okay, you're hired.

  • - [Interviewer] We're interviewing you.

  • - Oh, sorry, what was this job for again?

  • - [Interviewer] Payroll accountant.

  • - (chuckling) What the (beep) was I thinking?

  • - [Interviewer] Why should we hire you?

  • - That's kind of a dumb question.

  • - [Interviewer] If we give you the job,

  • how much money will you make us?

  • - Well that depends on what you mean by money.

  • It isn't obvious to me

  • that we're talking about the same thing.

  • - [Interviewer] What are your weaknesses?

  • - Uh, none.

  • - [Interviewer] Tell me a little about yourself.

  • - Just tell me who you want me to be

  • and I'll be that.

  • - [Interviewer] Do you have any questions for us?

  • - Hey, forget the questions, I brought brownies.

  • Let's just dig in.

  • (uplifting music)

  • It's a poem about about how I feel.

  • Oh, you can't look at the camera.

  • Okay, you're hired.

  • (sighing)

  • What the frick was I thinking?

- I know this must be a stressful thing

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