B1 Intermediate US 15 Folder Collection
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Imagine you hear your partner let out an exasperated sigh.
In that fleeting moment, you have a choice: keep going about your day
OR - ask what's on their mind.
These small, daily crossroads may seem insignificant,
but the choices you make while interacting with your partner
could, over time, make or break your relationship.
The sigh is what relationship researchers
Drs. John and Julie Gottman
would call a BID for connection.
Bids can be small or big,
verbal or nonverbal.
We can choose to TURN TOWARDS our partners in these moments
and accept their bids.
Or TURN AWAY from them
and ignore their bids.
The Gottmans have spent 4 decades
studying thousands of couples to answer the question:
What separates the relationship Masters from the relationship Disasters?
They found a critical difference
in how each type of couple responds to bids for connection.
In these moments, Masters turn towards each other 86% of the time.
Disasters turn towards each other only 33% of the time.
A tendency to turn towards your partner
forms the basis of trust,
emotional connection,
and a satisfying sex life.
When couples break up,
it's usually not because of big issues like conflict or infidelity.
More often,
it's a result of the resentment and distance that build up over time
when partners continually turn away from bids for connection.
So take a page from the relationship Masters' playbook.
Notice when your partner makes a bid.
Show interest,
ask questions,
and put away your screens.
Choose to turn towards your partner.
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The Easiest Way to Improve Your Relationship | The Gottman Institute

15 Folder Collection
Mahiro Kitauchi published on June 15, 2020
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