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  • Joust day tomorrow so I'm going to be  

  • kept busy for many hours. Oh! I  heard this great story. I think  

  • you might like it it's about  a king, a bishop and a baker.

  • Now, in this story, the king  is King John so it's around  

  • the time Magna Carta and he had  a reputation for being cruel.

  • King John was on his travels and as he  always did when he was on his travels,  

  • he took with him his pride and joyhis pack of hunting hounds. But he  

  • was suddenly called away on business so  he left his pack of hounds in the care  

  • of the local bishop. Now, this bishop  was a vain and a proud man and very  

  • very greedy, but a man who would never  do anybody a favour unless it served  

  • his own interests. So when King John's  servants delivered the hounds, well, the  

  • bishop had them put into a kennels and  then forgot about them. So a couple of  

  • months later when the king returned and  sent his servants to collect his dogs,  

  • you can imagine, their fur was mangey  and matted and the dogs were thin from  

  • being underfed and underexercisedWell when the king saw them he was  

  • furious. He sent immediately for the  bishop and he didn't waste his words.

  • My Lord Bishop, I entrusted you with  my treasure and you have treated them  

  • worse than if they had been put  into hell. I'm going to have you  

  • placed in the loneliest castle  in my kingdom, in the deepest,  

  • darkest dungeon, and we'll see how  you do without food for a month!

  • Well, when the bishop heard this  he fell to his knees and begged for  

  • mercy but the king was having none of  it. Until one of the king's advisors,  

  • a wise old knight, suggested it  might be a good idea to find a  

  • more profitable and amusing  way to punish the bishop. King  

  • John thought for a moment, then he  smiled. He'd had one of his ideas.

  • My Lord Bishop, said King John,  

  • I understand that you are a man  of great wit and intelligence. I  

  • will offer you a challenge. I will  set you three questions to answer.  

  • If you answer them to my satisfaction  then you will go free. If you fail me,  

  • I will take possession of everything you  own. Now, I am a fair man so I will give  

  • you tonight to find out the answers  to these questions, do you agree?

  • Well, the bishop had no choice so  he agreed. He thought to himself,  

  • I am a clever man so if the king  does ask me questions I can always  

  • go and look in my library of books  to find the answer to any puzzle or  

  • riddle. The king called the bishop  forward and whispered the questions  

  • in his ear. When the bishop heard  the questions his face grew pale,  

  • his knees started to knock and tears  ran down his face. So we are agreed,  

  • said King John. I look forward  to seeing you in the morning.

  • The bishop went back to his rooms. He  was crying his eyes out, his servants  

  • didn't know what to do until one of  them stepped forward and asked him  

  • what the matter was and he explained the  situation. The servant looked thoughtful  

  • and said, My Lord Bishop, I thinkmight have an idea to get you off the  

  • hook. The bishop asked him what it wasHe said, well, there is in your palace,  

  • in the bakehouse, a baker, a man who  many people have remarked could well  

  • be your twin brother for he is the  same as you in his build, in his face,  

  • why even his voice and his mannerisms  are the same. People are often confused,  

  • they call him My Lord Bishop thinking  they have just walked past you! What  

  • if you got him to dress in your robes  and to go before the king and answer  

  • the questions? You could make good your  escape and that fellow could take your  

  • punishment. The bishop wasn't sureso the servant sent for this fellow,  

  • this baker. When he arrived, it was  incredible. He looked the absolute  

  • spit of the bishop. The bishop thought  he was looking in a mirror. He got the  

  • baker to exchange clothes with him  so that he was dressed in the baker's  

  • apron and the baker was dressed in  his robes. Now you couldn't tell them  

  • apart! The bishop began to think the  plan might just work. My fine fellow,  

  • the bishop said to the baker, the  reason I have called you here and  

  • we have exchanged our clothes is thathave a jest for you to take part in. The  

  • king and I, as you know he is staying  here, we have a contest between us,  

  • a challenge, and we set each other three  questions a day. Tomorrow if it my turn  

  • but unfortunately I've been called away  on very very important church business.  

  • I was wondering if you would take my  place and answer the king's questions.

  • The baker was a kind-hearted fellow but  he wasn't a fool. What are the questions  

  • My Lord Bishop? he said. Oh they are  very very easy said the bishop. If  

  • you agree, I will tell you. The baker  thought to himself for a moment. A purse  

  • of gold! Very well, my Lord Bishop, I  agree. Tell me the questions. Well the  

  • bishop, they're very very easy. I will  advise you tomorrow morning, stand in  

  • the shadows so he doesn't see you  clearly, and as to the questions they  

  • are very very straightforward. One: How  much water is there in the kingdom of  

  • England? Two: How far is it to HeavenThree: What, to the nearest penny,  

  • is the king worth? There you are, nowreally must be on my way. And with that  

  • the bishop left. Hmm, thought the baker  to himself, tricky. I'll sleep on it.

  • Next morning, the baker got up  bright and early and dressed in  

  • the bishop's clothes and made his  way to the king's chamber. The king  

  • was waiting for him. Ah my Lord  Bishop he said, do come forward,  

  • which the baker did but he was  very careful to make sure that  

  • he stood just beside a column so that  there was a shadow thrown over him.

  • Good morning, my Lord Bishop, said King  John. I trust you slept well? Thank you,  

  • My Lord King. So... the matter  of the questions, said King John,  

  • a cruel smile on his face. Number onehow much water is there in my kingdom of  

  • England? The baker looked puzzled for  a moment. Well my Lord King, he said,  

  • I suppose you think this would betricky matter to settle but actually  

  • I measured it quite easily because  last night for once in this kingdom  

  • there was no rain. I had to calculate  the amount of water that ran down the  

  • rivers and into the sea but I balanced  that with the amount of water in the  

  • morning dew and I calculate the amount  of water in your kingdom of England  

  • to be one hundred and six millionsix hundred and fourteen thousand,  

  • eight hundred and fifteen cupfuls. And  with that, he produced a cup. The King  

  • looked perturbed for a moment. That's a  very precise calculation my Lord Bishop,  

  • he said. Ah well, the Bishop  said, I measured it myself.

  • King John looked suspicious. But how  do I know that you're right? An easy  

  • matter, my Lord King. I will happily  give you this cup and you can take  

  • yourself out tonight and measure for  yourself. Well the king knew he was  

  • being played. But it was only the first  question. Very well my Lord Bishop,  

  • he said, I will give you that one. But  now the second question. My Lord Bishop,  

  • how far is it to Heaven? The bishop  said, my Lord King, with this answer  

  • I had a piece of luck. Last night  one of the bakers here in my palace,  

  • a kind honest fellow more suited to be  a saint than a baker, fell ill and died,  

  • and I went to say a prayer for himNow when I started to speak the words,  

  • miraculously he suddenly leapt  up, he came back to life. His  

  • eyes opened and I immediately  asked him a question. I said,  

  • what have you seen? My Lord Bishop, he  said, I have been to Heaven. How far  

  • away was it, I said? My Lord Bishophe said, it was two hundred miles.  

  • Is it two hundred miles for everybodyasked him? Oh no no no said the fellow,  

  • some people had made a longer journey  than me and some people joined me as I  

  • walked. Their journey was far shorterYour journey depends on how many good  

  • deeds you have done. Yes, said the kingtell me more! Well my Lord King said the  

  • baker, with that the poor fellow died  and he did not revive. So I am afraid  

  • the only answer I can give you my lord  king is that the distance to heaven is  

  • down to the individual and it depends  on what good deeds you do in this life.

  • Hmm, thought the king, well logicalsuppose. I will give you that question.  

  • But the third I will not be so generous  for I know my own value. My Lord Bishop,  

  • what am I worth? The bishop looked  at the King. My Lord King, he said,  

  • I know that you are a man of wealthYou have gold, you have silver,  

  • you have jewels, you have furs, you  have silks. So this was a difficult  

  • thing to calculate. But I have  an answer for you. My Lord King,  

  • I calculate your worth to be twenty-nine  pence. How dare you! Twenty-nine pence?!  

  • That's less than two and a half  shillings! That's less than the  

  • cost of the shoes on my feet! You have  just talked your way, my Lord Bishop,  

  • into a dungeon! My Lord King, said the  baker, please. I calculate your value  

  • and your worth like this. As you will  know, in the Bible, when Judas Iscariot  

  • betrayed Jesus, he was given a purse of  coins: thirty silver coins was the price  

  • of his betrayal. My Lord King, I honour  you at one silver coin less than God.

  • Well, the king rubbed his nose and  thought for a moment and then he started  

  • to laugh. Ha ha ha! This bishop, I had  heard that he was proud and haughty,  

  • and yet I talk to him now and find him  to be the wittiest and wisest man in my  

  • kingdom! My Lord Bishop, come forwardyou have won! Well, the baker forgot  

  • himself. He did just that: he stepped  forward out of the shadow of the column  

  • and into the light. King John stared  at him. You are not the bishop. So,  

  • my fine fellow, tell me who you are and  tell me what is going on or you will  

  • find yourself thrown into a dungeon from  which you will never emerge. Speak now.

  • The baker knew the game was up. So he  fell upon his knees before King John  

  • and told him the whole story of how the  bishop had summoned him and dressed him  

  • in his robes, told him the questions  and how he'd gone away and thought of  

  • answers thinking that the whole  thing was just for the king's  

  • amusement. King John looked at himYou are by far the wisest, wittiest,  

  • most honest man in my kingdom. What  to do with you? From this day forth,  

  • you will continue to wear the robes  that you now wear and you will be  

  • a bishop. The bishop, when he is  apprehended, will be brought back  

  • here to his palace where he shall be put  to work baking bread in the kitchens.

  • So that, my friend, is how  a baker became a bishop.

  • Right, I've got to get back to workSo have you! I'll talk to you soon...

Joust day tomorrow so I'm going to be  

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