B1 Intermediate US 26 Folder Collection
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when we have something we cherish like a
spouse or a friend or a certain status
within a group but we feel threatened of
losing it we experience resentment which
we call jealousy so how can we deal with
this this video presents you stoic
solutions for jealousy first of all I
want to thank Neil Rankine for his
generous PayPal donation and young for
becoming a supporter on patreon thank
you guys very much appreciate it and it
will help me creating more videos in the
future a commenter named Ankara Mundi -
recently suggested to make a video on
how the Stoics handled the jealousy so I
decided to do it because I think it's a
great idea and I know there's lots of
people struggling with this to begin I
first need to explain the difference
between jealousy and envy jealousy comes
from a fear of losing something to
another person and is very common in
intimate relationships in which we fear
to lose a partner to someone else Envy
is wanting something that someone else
has like a car a house looks etc thus
envy is being resentful of people that
are in our eyes more fortunate than
ourselves when I look at jealousy from a
stoic point of view I see two things the
illusion of permanence and the belief
that external things will make us happy
now the Stoics noticed that the nature
of the universe is impermanence that
everything outside of faculty is not in
our control
we're jealous you don't want to lose
something external that you attach
yourself to in this moment the truth is
however no matter how infatuated you
curve the art with your boyfriend or
girlfriend someday you will be separated
bear in mind that everything that exists
is already fraying at the edges and in
transition subject to fragmentation and
to rot is a quote by Marcus Aurelius
everything is subjected to continual
change we could say that change is the
only constant when we fear and
just change we become insecure and
insecurity is where jealousy is coming
from but we simply don't know how this
change is going to manifest so why worry
about it
the only thing we can do is what's best
in a moment we're in without the
arriving rise from our actions and
regards to the future this is called
amor fati which means embracing the
outcome whatever it is Epictetus has a
powerful quote that relieves the pain of
jealousy by reminding us that we never
own what we are attached to and that the
presence of this particular person in
our lives is temporary I quote never
save anything I have lost it but I have
returned it a short child that it is
it's a wife that she is returned is your
estate taken away well and it's not that
likewise returned but he would took it
away as a bad man what difference is it
to you who they give her assigns to take
it back while he gives it to you to
possess take care of it but don't view
it as your own just as travellers view a
hotel and quote no matter how much
effort we put in our relationships how
well our property is secured how great
our reputation is we can still lose the
things we are attached to like our
spouse our house or our social status at
the blink of an eye this means that the
fear we are experiencing when we are
jealous is actually quite a rational one
that aligns with the nature of the
universe yes your spouse may cheat on
you with a co-worker tomorrow yes your
supposed best friend may prefer the
presence of someone else over your
presence the fact that these
possibilities are realistic and common
is a reason not to worry about it why
are you trying to control the external
world that's not up to you anyway it's a
waste of time but I need this person to
be happy you might say no you don't
within the stoic system of ethics all
external things including the people you
love are considered so-called preferred
indifference it's nice to have them and
they might support you in living a
virtuous life but preferred indifference
or no
heart requirement to be happy according
to the Stoics happiness is found in
virtuous actions here's a quote from
Seneca virtue is free inviolable not to
be moved not to be shaken and so
hardened against misfortunes that she
cannot be bent let alone overcome by
them and quote from my understanding of
stoicism my suggestion would be
replacing the focus on the external with
focus on the internal thus stop
obsessing about losing the things you
love because you'll lose them anyway
and they aren't as vital for your
happiness as you may believe instead you
might want to focus on living well
regardless of what happens around you
and paradoxically when you focus on
living well instead of anxiously
grasping and clinging to the things you
don't want to lose you might actually
attract more preferred indifference into
your life also the ones you already have
are more likely to stick with you out of
free will as opposed to you being
jealous which will only drive them away
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Stoic Solutions For Jealousy

26 Folder Collection
jeremy.wang published on May 22, 2020
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