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  • We don't know when, but eventually, you will be released into the world again.

  • Yay.

  • We're gonna use this time to get reacquainted with the outside world.

  • So, first, tell me what are these?

  • These are pants.

  • I'm sorry, I just realized those don't have an elastic waistband.

  • They have a zipper and a button.

  • What, are you trying to torture us? No.

  • Okay, moving on... to this.

  • That seems terrible.

  • It is terrible, uh, that's why I'm advising something called a retraining bra - you'll get used to it.

  • Have we covered this yet?

  • I'm not familiar, no.

  • This is a razor; pre-pandemic women would use it to shave their legs.

  • Why can't you just let it grow?

  • You totally can, but if you're looking for intimate time, you could.

  • Intima-what? No.

  • Okay, it looks like you're gonna need a refresher on that.

  • Let's move on to conversations with people.

  • Okay, what do you say if somebody says, "Hi, how are you"?

  • Uh, ooh, toilet paper?

  • Let's try this one: "What do you have planned for the weekend?"

  • Uh, um, sit, wine, wine, and sit.

  • "What do you think about the big election?"

  • Wait, there's an election? Huh.

  • You're also going to need to adjust to not taking a nap every day.

  • That's, that, we're keeping that, keeping that one.

  • You need to go to bed on time.

  • Uh-uh.

  • And stop watching Netflix.

  • H-How?

  • Push through.

  • Fine.

  • Okay, moving on to going to work.

  • I've been going to work.

  • No, no, no, like putting on clothes and makeup and going to an office.

  • What?

  • Once you get to the office, let's practice a workplace meeting.

  • I've been doing this all month, I got it.

  • Okay, "Hi, Kim, how are you?"

  • I'm good.

  • "Our projections are in for Q3."

  • "In order to hit that target, we're gonna have to buckle down."

  • "We're gonna have to circle back, we're gonna have to."

  • Kim, are you on your phone?

  • Oh, don't worry about it, it's out of the shot.

  • You can't see it.

  • You are not on a Zoom call anymore, you're in person, we can see you.

  • Oh yeah, continue.

  • "We really need to meet that goal in order to meet expectations, and deliverables, and cashflow."

  • Kim, are you doing a TikTok dance?

  • You can't tell, cause I'm in screen share, you just see charts.

  • This is not a Zoom call.

  • We can see you.

  • Whatever.

  • "In order to meet those expectations, we're gonna have to buckle down, but we're gonna have to gear up, and then we'll circle back with our synergy," and, oh my god, Kim, stop eating pretzels.

  • You can't hear it, I'm on mute.

  • There's no mute.

  • This is hard.

  • Okay, you're gonna be fine, it's okay.

  • Everybody's gonna be going through the same thing, so just drive to work and just figure it out, okay?

  • Oh crap, I think I've forgotten how to drive.

  • Okay, okay.

  • Synergy, deliverables, cashflow.

  • Streamline, ah?

  • Investors?

  • We're gonna streamline, that does not mean we're gonna lay you off, but we are going to streamline.

  • But then we're gonna do a cost analysis of the streamline but then increase productivity but r-, yeah.

We don't know when, but eventually, you will be released into the world again.

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B1 US kim synergy buckle mute election circle

Training for Real Life

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    たらこ posted on 2020/05/20
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