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  • - [Ted] Kids, I'm gonna tell you an incredible story.

  • The story of how I met your mother.

  • Here I go, or--

  • - I'm exhausted, it was finger painting day at school

  • and a five year old boy, got to second base with me.

  • (audience laughing)

  • A man with more emotional endurance

  • than anyone I know, it was a long,

  • difficult road, thank God we finally got here.

  • - Here, here.

  • - [All] Here, here.

  • - Hey, so you know how I've always

  • had a thing for half-Asian girls?

  • (audience laughing)

  • Well now I've got a new favorite, Lebanese girls.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Congrats. - Right, yeah, thanks.

  • A kid, I'm tired.

  • (audience laughing)

  • But, she's awesome.

  • - Yeah? - Yeah.

  • Daddy's home.

  • - Wow, you're cooking?

  • - Yes I am.

  • - Aw.

  • - Do you have any idea what happened,

  • right here, in this very bar?

  • - No, what happened?

  • - Just, all kinds of stuff.

  • - Are we being punished for something?

  • (audience laughing) - [Ted] No.

  • - Yeah, is this gonna take a while?

  • - Yes.

  • All right, I'll give her a call.

  • - Do it.

  • - I am.

  • - Call her.

  • (audience laughing) - I'm calling her.

  • - Great.

  • (audience laughing) - Here I go.

  • Which I never knew. ♪

  • - Hi, one ticket to Farhampton, please.

  • Funny how, sometimes, you just find things.

  • - Hi. - Hi.

  • - Hi.

  • - Let me guess, Ted.

  • (audience laughing)

  • (casual music)

  • All right, home sweet home.

  • Wait one second.

  • Okay, stay, we'll work on that.

  • (buzzer buzzing)

  • Television, display front door security.

  • Television display--

  • Oh, for Pete sakes.

  • May come and go

  • Crooked dreams, they always glow

  • Remember, remember

  • All we fight for

  • Remember, remember

- [Ted] Kids, I'm gonna tell you an incredible story.

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