>> HIV is affecting the African American community

at alarming rates, especially among young people.

To keep our youth safe, we must know the facts.

Communicating this information to our youth can help them to live better lives.

[ Music ]

>> I've been dealing with the subject of sex with my daughters for,

or shall I say, since they were 9 years old.

And we have talked extensively about sexual activities.

Even if when they were younger, just some of the words that they used when they would be

at school and come back and they'd say "Mom, what is sex?"

Or "Mom, how do you play hide and go have sex?"

And of course, when you're driving and you have the girls in the car,

and they're asking you a question like that, you want to hit the breaks immediately.

>> It is important to talk to your children about sex before they start having sex.

>> The most important thing that parents need to do

with their kids is share their values with their kids.

Tell them what they think and feel

about how they think they should manage their sexual lives.

>> Before I talk to her about any and everything, and tell her don't be afraid to talk

to me about things that she feels is important, or if she's scared about a certain situation,

because I'm not going to brow-beat her about it.

>> We have adopted a policy in the house of talking very openly about sex.

So we talk to our kids about sex.

>> Like, you're going to eventually find out about some stuff on your own,

and then if you don't show your kids that, then people are going to be shocked when, oh my god!

You're saying this, that or the other.

Well that's my friend told me, and my momma not telling me, because you're avoiding the subject,

or my daddy not telling me because he doesn't want to tell me, something like that.

>> I think the conversation was brought up because we were watching some commercial,

and the commercial was talking about condom use.

And we just went with it.

We, after the commercial was over, we talked about it, in detail.

>> I started when when she was about 10, 10 and a half, just introducing her to the difference

in male and female, and she got a little older, I talked to her letting her know

that sex is something she has the rest of her life to do.

There's no rush in it, and if she feels the need to talk to me about someone pressuring her

about sex, then we can deal with it.

>> I appreciate being able to go talk to my mother about something,

the issues that I was having as a teen.

And I think that these teens will love to be able to have that type of relationship

with their parents, and I think that if they would educate their children more

than we won't be left with, I mean, the responsibility of educating them.

>> Young people will need to make decisions whether or not to have sex,

who with, and how to protect themselves.

They need you to help them figure this out.

>> I would say to him I'm not ready to have sex or interested in what you're trying to do

with me, I mean, we can talk it out together, because communication does involve two people

or multiple people, so I would just tell them I'm not ready,

I'm not ready to hop on that train, to have sex.

>> Parents should talk to their kids about abstinence.

>> I just think about the consequences of if I did at this age, like basically,

I think about how my mom would react to it.

I'm pretty sure she would grab her heart and fall out.

>> If she were to come to me and say she was ready to have sex,

I would just flat out tell her, no you're not.

You're not.

Because you've only been in the world 14 years, and it hasn't even been a full 14 years,

so just think about it, and we'll talk 14 years from now [chuckles].

>> I know that the decision to have sex is a personal one.

It's going to be between you and another individual.

I'm not going to be in the room, not going to call me

up on my cell-- actually, you may call me?

But most likely you won't.

And so it's one that I think that we can have over time.

And I believe, and as you hear more about what it takes, what's involved in the decision

to have sex with someone, you see that it's really serious.

And so I think that it's something you should not do at a young age.

>> I think mostly I want you to abstain from any kind of sex at all until you're married.

But if you don't, if you do find a special someone that you feel like you want to share

that intimacy with, I would want you to make sure that he has enough respect for you,

and you have enough respect for him and yourself to get yourself tested first,

and make sure that neither one of you have, you know, have that, have any STDs to worry about.

>> I mean, I just, I see how guys respond to you, you're beautiful, you know?

And I can only imagine what kind of goes through their heads, and so I'm just trusting you.

You know, that when you're just living your life apart from me, you know,

that you can just kind of just protect yourself.

You know? Like tell them what you stand for, what you don't stand for, and figuring out ways

to feel what you feel without feeling.

You know [laughter]?

Yeah.

>> I would want you to-- you know how you have to swim across the pool

to be able to go into the deep end?

I would want to give you a test around sex, to see if you were ready for it.

Do you know how to use a condom?

Do you know the difference between a condom that can be used, versus a condom that can't be used?

What the risks are, all that, all that stuff.

So just that you were ready.

And I can't imagine that somebody, you know, in junior high and high school would be ready

for sex, because it's pretty serious.

>> It is important to know who your child is with, what they are doing, and where they are.

>> We screen a lot of calls.

We ask who it is, how old are they, are they in class with her?

What are they calling for?

The whole nine yards.

So it's an interrogation process.

>> I'm not so particular that I won't let her go to movies with a boy like that, but like I said,

I've got to know the person before I let my child venture out and go out with a boy.

If I don't know where you live at, what's your phone number and all that good stuff,

if something happened to my daughter, I need to know where she's at.

If something does happen, I know whose house I'll be coming to.

>> They have often times said "I have a boyfriend," and I said okay, what's his name,

I have to meet him, you have to bring him in front of me.

>> I'll bring it up to her.

She might not bring it up, but I'll be like, who you like?

You know? Or why you talking to him on the phone?

Mom, that isn't me, just because we're talking on the phone with each other,

means that we really like each other like that, I'm like, okay I'm just asking.

>> That's true, it's just like sometimes she comes at me like, so you like him now?

>> You need to be involved in whatever your child is doing,

to prevent some of this peer pressure from--

filtrated into their minds, because it's everywhere.

Peer pressure is everywhere.

And the boys will say, you know, you're fine, you know, your friends are doing it,

and I understand that, and these are the things that I have to talk to my daughter about.

Because just because everybody else is doing it doesn't mean you need to do it.

I tell her reasons why she shouldn't do it.

For instance, STD, pregnancy, and years ago, you would think about pregnancy.

Nowadays, it is HIV and these other STDs that you have to worry about.

>> It is important for youth to know how they would respond in a situation.

>> If incidents come up or-- and I see something on TV, or in the media, let's talk about this.

What do you think about this?

Why do you think that person did that?

Because I'm trying to get inside her head, to know if she came up on a situation

like that, how would she handle it?

Or how would she approach that situation, and I said, so much is going on in school

and she'll come and say mommy this is that and da-da-da.

Well, let's talk about it.

And that's how you-- I like to get inside, instead of me always talking, talking, talking.

Because I have a sermon, and she knows my sermon.

I like to get inside her head.

I like for them to express themselves.

>> You know, she does all this text messaging all the time, and all of this stuff,

and she'll meet a friend through a friend, and those kinds of things,

where she's never even seen this person, she wouldn't eve know them.

And I just try and remind her that just because someone might sound nice, or someone might,

you know, might say nice things to you on a text message or whatever,

you don't-- you don't know everybody.

And everybody doesn't have the same-- they weren't brought up the same way that she was.

>> What will make you stop and come check in with your older sister at that moment?

When he's like, doing whatever he's doing.

And it's feeling good.

>> Oh my, whoever I mess with, I make sure that they know my limits and my boundaries.

>> They don't like, pressure you to go beyond your limits?

>> No. Nobody will pressure me, because I am me, I stand my ground.

Nobody can push me over.

>> [Background music] There are serious consequences to risky sexual behavior.

>> Being a teen mom, I don't get to do anything.

My friends went to prom, I didn't do prom.

You don't have a life when you're a teen mom, because you're taking care of a child.

I understood how hard it was, how much I had to give up,

because I wanted to take care of my child.

>> At the age of 21, I was, my girlfriend and I had our own apartment,

and we were being really wild, and she had a friend, who had a friend, and we hooked up,

and I had a one night stand with this one particular guy.

And so that's the person who I suspect gave it to me.

I don't blame him for infecting me, because in 1990, it's not like it is in 2007, you know,

it wasn't condoms, condoms, condoms, and so it was a choice

that we both made, having a one night stand.

>> I was All American football player at Norfolk State.

All American coming out of high school.

I was 18 years old when I found I was infected.