My name is Tim Shoe, and I'm 1/4 year computer science major at George Attack.

I'm fresh off in an airship from Snow Cone Valley.

Come from a good socio economic background.

I'm perfectly physically healthy.

Have a safe tally life.

I have strong, meaningful friendships.

Yeah, on August 25th that's on the floor, 30 minutes away from dying, overdosing on over 100.

Researchers take painkillers from trying to kill myself.

There was nothing wrong with my life.

On paper of anything.

I had everything to lose.

I love my family so much.

I wanted to be able to base my brother's bachelor party wedding and being uncle.

I love my friends so much.

I wanted to be able to continue going out with them, to see who they don't know with or they'd be a shield.

Amazing things that they would accomplish.

I wanted to see where I could go and my dream of making a positive impact on the lives of others.

Even though at the time I didn't know how I was willing to forgo all that give up on everything I loved.

An entire will cared about our dreamed off is there something that many people don't believe is this mental illness.

If you break your arm, the doctor can use an X ray diagnose exactly were in your fracture or breaking your bone occurs and issue a treatment plan with cast their splint to move everything back in place.

However, there's no X ray.

The mental illness is gonna take weeks or months to see the full picture.

A certain symptoms can overlap.

Unfortunately for me, the Asian cultural mentality I was raised in was one in which mental health did not exist.

I first realized that I wasn't just like everybody else.

In my freshman year of high school.

I've been an academically inclined, involved the social student, my first false.

My side went completely fine that following spring I was hit my first ever bout of depression.

It's gonna get out of bed.

I couldn't meet you.

All I could do was want to lay in my room alone.

I got so bad to the point that I couldn't even remember what clothes to put on.

Depressive episode would be followed by another soda, which is basically characterized.

Erasing thoughts, fast speech delusions, an inability to sleep by clockwork by mood was cycle on a biweekly basis between depression and mania, much to the observation my parents boss extremely good at hiding.

How on while I was with my worst others, but unable to hide out on What was it?

My band right here, who had been teaching kids for over 30 years?

Notice that something was erratic behavior, he said on my mother, Miss you, but it was extremely bright.

There's definitely something wrong.

You need to see a doctor.

You need to see a doctor.

Well, my mother smiled and said, Yes, yes, In reality, I don't receive any health.

My family when I got so sad to the point, But I couldn't get out of bed.

My dad would just tell me that taken now that everything would get better.

When I got so sad to the point that I couldn't eat, my mom would tell me to just cheer up with that waste food.

Well, they both loved and caress me.

Asian cultural mindset that they were raising was one in which mental health and not exist as a result, though misguided, they had in my situation the only way they knew how, like clockwork.

My mood.

Psycho on a bike.

Li Li Basis three Depression mania.

Much of the observation.

My parents.

Three months later, I was at my breaking point.

After going for over 72 hours without sleeping, I wrote down, crying hysterically in front of my teachers and classmates.

My desperate cries for help and private had proved futile.

So on Lee actually saw left was to rely on a civilian public, and it worked.

I was taken to a hospital, able to see a doctor get medication on.

Finally put a name to the illness that had been destroying my life.

Bipolar disorder, bipolar disorder or manic depressive illness.

The brain disorder characterized by rapid shifts in mood or erratic ships moved between peers of extremely down oppressed or negative behavior appears extremely up.

Tastic related away to be here by clockwork.

My mood with shit between depression and media.

And that was a textbook definition.

Bipolar disorder, unfortunately, is incurable and something that requires you to be a medication for the type for the rest of your entire life, you know, didn't maintain a stable mood stride Lithium mood stabilizer for several months of illnesses, but in order for it to have a therapeutic effect, have to build up to it eventually, maintain a certain level in your blood stream in order to maintain a stable cable news.

As a result, the longer and longer I was on my medication, the healthier, more successful I became okay, but, uh, regain back, Tim become more involved in school, make your friends back.

This toxic cultural Age mentality caused me they would be ashamed of my onus ignore it, but that it didn't ever exist.

As a result, the longer, longer I was on my medication.

But more and more of my parents encouraged me to lower my dose, even though that is the opposite of what you should.

D'oh, I'm going out starts at the time.

I don't have gotten sold up to the point that it's effectively zero under.

That's a bullet in my blood equivalent of going off medication completely.

Only seven years later, that I learned that I have been essentially unmedicated since starting college.

It was a miracle, even made it to college at all successfully.

We're doing all that.

Unfortunately, by what was about to run out BASF all 2018 I had a busy semester.

You know what classes but ship on an intense job stretch.

But despite all that, I was able to succeed.

That's why I thought that not spring with only 12 hours of classes and a job secured.

But I would have a great time and would be relaxing.

It's hard, but instead of that fun semester was supposed to be completely the opposite.

Two months into that spring, I was hit by my first bout of depression.

After over seven years, health.

I was.

I was terrified.

Fortunately, love this time learning for my past.

I was determined to get try as hard as I could to get better, and this time my parents were willing to help.

I got so sad at the point that I couldn't even open my eyes.

I think what is able to call myself in too cheeky house GT counseling and show them how much they needed help.

They were able to get me emergency referral to meet with Sam Psychiatry.

Treating a mental illness is not nearly a straightforward as a physical ailment.

As with each medication I tried, the more more the heart it became to go on with each medication.

I tried the depressions and withdrawals from switching robes really brutal.

The only way I mean it, that's Messer was by blaming it on the only thing that I could by situation.

But soon that George attack, I noticed common theme among people voicing our toxic difficult environment thing school could be.

As a result, I made myself believe that my depression was because of my situation, not going to San Francisco for an internship that summer would solve all my problems.

But again, I cannot have been more wrong.

Do that out of that spring.

But my school psychiatrist and they're pissed.

I told my parents, You don't feel comfortable, Let him go across country alone.

Any professional home he's been waiting on tables.

Unfortunately for me, history repeats itself just like how my parents refused to heed the warnings and advice like that.

After seven years prior, they refused the huge and ignored advice.

My doctors then do you really need to see a doctor?

We're gonna be in your dream city in California, making great money.

Do you really need to see it out there?

After all this time?

They still believed, but my mental illness was externally caused.

I was in San Francisco across the country alone.

Any professional help by with this toxic Asian culture mentality around delegitimizing psychiatrists, psychologists caused my parents believe that they could play Doctor is since they knew me better than them, they could tell me what I needed to take.

But if you're a purification, is being changed on a monthly basis by your parents instead of a mental health professional, how could you even know for sure what's working or not?

Bye.

Withdrawals from stopping antidepressants that summer makes me out to the point that I couldn't remember how to walk home from work without getting lost.

That hurt my work performance, too, as my depressive episodes would make it so hard to focus that literally have to go to break free was just a Hyatt and cry, but ruined my perfect summer in San Francisco that everybody thought I had.

From what I betrayed all this, people really only share what they want you to see.

The only thing keeping me alive that spring semester was the hope that if I changed my situation, everything would get better.

What about severely depressed and suicidal in my Dream city that summer.

How's that supposed to make it through a false Mr Georgia Tech?

What's the point of even living anymore?

That's what led me to my tent that first week of school.

Nobody that commit suicide really wants to die.

They're just driven to a ready point after an accumulation of unbearable suffering.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result on with each depressive episode I had over and over again.

I cannot get better, no matter how hard I try.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Without medication, my problem would have been permanent.

It was the worst thing to happen to me.

Yeah, the best thing happen to me.

I hadn't done what I did.

I would be still suffering in science right now.

I would have never been able to receive the care, understanding and acceptance I so craved.

We have had the strength and the courage to share my story with you all.

Today.

I'm not trying to focus my blaming my parents, but more so on that Asian culture mentality.

Well, they both loved and cared for me before a byproduct of the upbringing and by handling my situation in a manner that accorded with the culture that they were raised in.

Those actions caused me to suffer, not get proper help and be alone for eight years in silence.

That's why I care so much this portal mentality, which is not unique to Asian culture alone but so many other cultures as well, so toxic and the only the deaths of many.

It is entirely preventable, according to the World Health Organization, or 100,000 people a year die from suicide.

This tragedy that screaming at this very moment in a tragedy that's unfortunately affected the lives of the members of the story detect community.

Common people could be saved if there wasn't the societal stigma.

You're not a freak, you know.

Anxiety, depression, both CD, bipolar or any other mental illness.

Do it in.

The little judge ashamed someone for having cancer.

So why don't we do so real that have mental illness when it will simply just bit into something outside of their control?

Why is that socially acceptable?

Take medication for an insulin and balance your bud, but not for come from balance in your brain.

We should be trying to help those who are suffering now kick them while they're down.

I became so scared from that toxic stigma that I was unwilling to let anyone know how bad I was suffering.

So the point that I almost died.

Many of my best friends had no idea that was going through anything in All told, they found my body on the floor that day.

I've been so terrified that I told my friends the truth.

They would hate me everything.

I was a freak, so terrified that until I thought frustrated that I would die 30 minutes later that I finally gained the courage to speak up because I wanted to tell them the reason why was it gonna be in their lives anymore?

You shouldn't have to almost die to get the courage to speak out.

And if I could face that, I could face anything, even if that means sharing.

My biggest secret is out of the whole world.

But someone's in their darkest pits of despair.

Sometimes someone else's showing that they care is all that's needed to be a shining light in their sea of darkness.

The next time you see someone that you know, You think that something's hot slightly off?

Why not just check in?