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  • We're back with Chelsea Handler.

  • Everyone knows how honest you are,

  • so we're going to play a game.

  • I'm going to read a sentence and you have to fill in the blank.

  • We're calling it Chelsea Blanking Handler.

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • OK.

  • Here we go.

  • Ready?

  • Yeah.

  • Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • Yeah, I'm ready.

  • OK, well calm down about it.

  • Estoy lista is how you say it in España.

  • I know you were trying to speak Spanish earlier.

  • OK, well.

  • Number one.

  • The last celebrity to slide into my DMs was--

  • Oh, last celebrity to slide into my DMs?

  • I think Kristen Bell because she was thanking me

  • for posting something about Hello Bello or something,

  • or hearted it.

  • Isn't she the best?

  • Yeah, she's pretty sunny.

  • I would have to say, she's like a Sunny Delight.

  • Yeah.

  • She comes from a really good place.

  • Whoa.

  • Yeah, wow.

  • Wow.

  • Wow.

  • Sounds like it's been a long week, huh?

  • It's been a long day, right?

  • Yeah.

  • OK, number two.

  • If I were to name a strain of marijuana after my love life,

  • it would be--

  • Hit me baby one more time.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Oh my God.

  • I'll take a puff of that.

  • It's number three.

  • Sometimes I call my lady bits--

  • "Pikachu."

  • But that's a family name and it's not-- it's just the area.

  • It's not, like, the bits.

  • It's just, that's your "Pikachu" for girls.

  • And for boys, it's a "bichuki."

  • A "bichuki."

  • When we were growing up, if it was a little ding dong,

  • it was a "bichuki," and the other one was a "Pikachu".

  • And then, you know, tushy.

  • So just very banal words because--

  • you know.

  • And I like it.

  • I've taken it into adulthood and I'm trying

  • to spread that information.

  • Well there's no bigger platform than now.

  • It's wonderful.

  • Everybody write it down.

  • You might think "Pikachu" has to do with Pokemon,

  • but you're wrong.

  • "Pikachu" That's probably--

  • Yeah, it's like hey, "Pikachu," ding dong.

  • Guess who's back?

  • It's me again.

  • Yeah, yeah.

  • And did you think of those names?

  • No, my parents did.

  • Oh, that makes sense.

  • If I were in art school and got to sculpt a male celebrity,

  • it would be--

  • A male celebrity?

  • Well, I mean, not you.

  • God, who would be a good male celebrity?

  • Maybe Orlando Bloom?

  • He would be a good sculpture, don't you think?

  • OK.

  • He's so cute and he's fun.

  • And now a natural follow-up question, why not me?

  • Well you're not my type.

  • OK.

  • You know.

  • I mean, we're not-- you know-- that guy.

  • I don't know what goes where.

  • No, you don't.

  • All right.

  • The craziest place I've ever had sex is--

  • Outside a cemetery.

  • In my defense, I was at a funeral.

  • I'm just kidding.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I wasn't at a funeral.

  • Yes I was.

  • Well, listen.

  • You woke the dead, I'm sure.

  • Oh my God, is that true?

  • Something happened at a cemetery.

  • I don't know if it was full throttle, but yeah.

  • Something definitely went down there,

  • and that's the first thing I thought of.

  • So yes, I think so.

  • OK, well.

  • The last illegal thing I did was-- well

  • this could be an hour answer.

  • Well that's always, yeah.

  • I mean, I'm always on the fence of illegal and legal.

  • So I don't really know what the rules are.

  • And I also have no boundaries of my own, so it's hard for me

  • to respect others, in terms of rules and laws.

  • But as with everybody else, I'm learning

  • that you need to keep your hands to yourself.

  • And your comments, most of the time.

  • Wow.

  • Yeah, you're hurting people's feelings

  • when you're not thoughtful and you're not considerate.

  • So I've been learning a lot about that recently

  • and it's kind of like, oh, what's

  • going to happen to my personality?

  • But it's fun to kind of combine the two.

  • You can take your edge and you can

  • take the kindness and the gentleness and combine the two,

  • and just be a little bit better.

  • OK, just maybe shorter answers.

  • So the next one is, my therapist always tells me--

  • To stop talking.

  • He's always like, sit with that, sit with that, stop.

  • And I'm like, and now what?

  • He's like, just zip, just sit, and don't talk.

  • So that was a big thing.

  • It's hard because you want to dance around things

  • that are hard to talk about.

  • So it's easy that we even find those habits.

  • I'm sorry, I know you want me to keep my answers short.

  • So I just don't know what to say anymore.

  • I don't know how to defend myself.

  • No, it's wonderful.

  • Actually, you're a dream guest because a lot of people

  • are like, yes, no.

  • Yes, no.

  • Yeah, well, I wish you were a dream host.

  • What about that comment about keeping mean things inside?

  • Yeah, you're right, you're right.

  • Look, it's work work in progress.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • OK.

  • That's hilarious.

  • All right.

  • You can see it right here, live on Ellen.

  • The one place you would never find me naked is--

  • God.

  • I mean, probably in the bath.

  • I don't take baths, so that's the last place I'm going.

  • That's hilarious.

  • I don't take baths either.

  • It's too much work.

  • It's too hot.

  • I don't like the heat.

  • OK, one more.

  • I'm getting one more and there's 18 left.

  • Why don't I get to ask you any questions about yourself?

  • Sure.

  • OK.

  • We stopped with the bottom one.

  • OK.

  • OK, someone who I think could benefit from taking an edible

  • is--

  • Oh my God.

  • Oh, come on.

  • I know

  • Honestly.

  • This is why I'm the host.

  • OK, my answer to that is you.

  • You would benefit from an edible.

  • Next up.

  • I wish people would stop asking me--

  • I wish people would stop asking me--

  • Blank.

  • --if I'm sure that I don't want to be a mother.

  • Oh, I thought we were--