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  • Hey there, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create

  • a business and a life you love. And this whole shindig is Q&A Tuesday. Today’s question

  • comes from Kara and she writes:

  • Hi Marie. I went into partnership with my best friend. Sometimes it’s extremely

  • hard to talk to her because she reverts to our friendship and ends up taking everything

  • personally. We write a blog and none of her articles are ever spell checked and her grammar

  • is horrendous. I haven’t been able to tell her this exactly, instead I say, ‘We should

  • both take a writing class,’ or, ‘We both need to be spell checking before publishing,’

  • but this approach still has not made her change. I need to find ways for us to better communicate

  • so we stop having all this pent up aggression towards each other and actually get things

  • done. I really need your help. What can I do?”

  • Kara, this is a great question. And you know what? I think we should take a class together

  • on how not to be passive aggressive. What do you think? Do you think that sounds good?

  • Or does it sound like total BS? Because you know when I’m sayingwe,” I really

  • meanyou.”

  • Now, Kara, I know I’m poking a bit of fun here and we all do the passive aggressive

  • thing from time to time, but being direct is really the best way to go. It’s the most

  • loving, caring, and respectful way to communicate with your friend and, of course, get more

  • things done.

  • I’m speaking from experience here because I work with my friends on a regular basis

  • and I totally get that it can be a tricky balance. But being direct is a skillset that

  • anybody can develop and master.

  • So here are 4 steps to being more direct with your business partner.

  • Step number one, communicate in real time. Do not let days, weeks, or months go by if

  • something upsets you. You wanna clear the air fast and forgive completely.

  • So, for example, one time I was working with my friend, let’s call her Sarah, and she

  • was a few minutes late and I found myself frustrated. So instead of letting it fester,

  • I said, “Hey before we start, I just wanna clear the air so there’s no weirdness. It’s

  • really important to me that youre on time and when youre not I’m thrown off. And

  • I don’t wanna come across like a hardass or a nag, and I’m not trying to make you

  • feel bad, but going forward, I’d love you to be on time, is that cool?”

  • After that Sarah and I had a great chat, we had an awesome working day, and we still

  • work together all the time.

  • Step number two, own your experience and your feelings, don’t blame the other person.

  • So sticking with the example above, I was feeling frustrated but it wasn’t Sarah’s

  • fault. I had expectations about her being on time, but I didn't communicate them clearly,

  • so that was my responsibility.

  • So my feelings are my feelings. She didn't cause them. By me really owning my experience

  • and then communicating what I’d love to see happen moving forward, she wasn’t put

  • on the defensive. It was win/win.

  • Step number three, say what you mean. In your question you said, “We should take a writing

  • class,” or, “We should spell check,” and that’s not really what you meant, now

  • is it Kara? I know that being direct isn’t always easy, so I want you to try this.

  • When youre by yourself, you wanna say the unedited version aloud or write it down, and

  • then you get to clean it up before you say it for real. So, for example, your unedited

  • version may sound something like, “You never spell check your work and it’s making us

  • both look like f****** idiots. Youre being lazy and it pisses me off.”

  • So now that you got that out of you, you can clean it up and say something like, “I want

  • us to be taken seriously and that means our emails need to be free from spelling and grammar

  • mistakes. I’m not perfect, but I spell check my work, and it’s really important to me

  • that you do the same. Will you start spell checking moving forward, even if it’s a

  • pain?”

  • Or you can ask, “How can I support you so you don't have to remember on your own and

  • I don't have to be a nag? Is it helpful if I remind you before we publish something?

  • Should we put a new system in place to check our work?”

  • By the way, this is a great thing to do both in business and in personal relationships.

  • Step number four, make it safe and easy for people to be direct with you too.

  • One way I make it really safe and easy for my friends is I give them an easy out. Here’s

  • what I mean, I’ll tell my friend about a project I wanna work on with them and I’ll

  • say something like, “Hey, does this sound like fun for you or is it more like a meh

  • thing that you really don't wanna do? I’m fine either way.”

  • So, Kara, I suggest that you guys sit down and have a conversation and you wanna start

  • with your shared goal to make your business the best it can be. Let her know that youre

  • open to hearing any ideas for improvement. You wanna know where she thinks the business

  • needs to go to the next level. And if any of those areas involve you, that youre

  • not gonna take her feedback personally. That really creates a safe space for her to be

  • direct with you, too. And you may be surprised. You may have some habits that are driving

  • her absolutely nuts, so you have to really be receptive and be open to listening.

  • So, Kara, there you have it. Four ways to be more direct with your business partner.

  • And, remember, being direct does not mean you have to be nasty or confrontational. It’s

  • all about communicating with tact. And as Isaac Newton said, and, yes, it’s a tweetable:

  • Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.”

  • So, Kara, that was my A to your Q, hope you enjoyed it. Let us know how it goes. Now I

  • would love to hear from you. Do you have something youve been wanting to say but you haven’t

  • been able to say it in a direct way? If so, I want you to use tip number three, say what

  • you mean, and in the comments below first write up the unedited version, so just say

  • it, and then below it write the cleaned up version in a direct and compassionate way.

  • Now, of course, if you have more to say on this topic I would love to hear that too.

  • As always, the best conversations happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com, so go

  • there and leave a comment now.

  • Did you like this video? If so, subscribe and share it with your friends. And if you

  • want even more great resources to create a business and a life that you love plus some

  • extra insight from me that I only talk about in email, come on over to MarieForleo.com

  • and sign up for email updates. Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because

  • the world needs that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and

  • I’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.

Hey there, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create

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Communication Strategies

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    姚易辰 posted on 2014/03/28
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