Name: This Task 1 response was under 150 words until I did this...
Uploaded: 2020-03-25T08:42:07.000Z
Duration: 18 min 14 s
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high in this video, we're going to write a response to an academic task.

Basic passive voice

One question that was seen on the 14th of January 2017.

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The question that was seen, um, looked something like this.

I received a message from someone from several people actually reported reporting that they saw this question on their exam, and I had someone produced something that I think is probably quite similar to what what was seen.

So we're dealing with three pie charts here, and the task description reads the pie charts below.

Give information about what young people in Australia did after leaving secondary school in 1980 90 90 and 2000.

Summarized information for university lecturer Make comparisons where relevant, So I'll just give you a few seconds to look at the source and the varying bits of data.

Okay, so, um, all three pie charts present thesis aim demographics, so people that went on to become employed after after secondary school people that pursued further education and people that were unemployed and so we can see that s o the employed section, which is this Some whiter section of these pie charts went from 40% to 50% and then to 55%.

So it was It was a growth that sort of decelerated as it progressed over the 20 years in question.

People that pursued further education, they went the opposite direction so 50% to 38% and then more modestly to 37%.

And the unemployed figures were 10% climbing to 12% than dropping to 8%.

So we see three different growth patterns.

One is increasing, one is decreasing and one is a bit more varied.

And so we'd obviously want to use comparative language to make this clear in our our response.

So a couple of points that I want to make before we get started.

Firstly, there isn't much data to work with here, So it's might be a bit of a struggle, actually to to hit 1 50 words or beyond, because if you were just describing the three trends that are present here.

And um and then just tack on 1/4 sentence is sort of like the introduction to it on be finished.

But of course, that wouldn't put you at 1 50 plus words, So we're gonna have to work a little bit with the language in this response to make sure that we are producing a response that is theory required length.

The other thing to remember is that s o The wording is important because it says young people in Australia did after leaving secondary school.

So in the response, we can't say things like the graduates or the people that finished secondary school because we don't.

You know, we're not sure what the status is of these people.

So you know, the language has to be a bit more focused when we make reference to these people.

T make sure that we're in line with what the question is telling us.

Ah, And as I was saying that we want to use comparative language.

Then the response makes clear that we're supposed to be comparing the different bits of data.

So we're gonna do that in two different ways.

We're going to compare the difference percentages or the different shares of of thes three pie charts.

And then we're also going to compare the trends, okay, that the three different demographics when the pie charts produce.

Okay, so make note to look for the different some bits of comparative language that you see.

Okay, so in this response, we're going to start with an introduction paragraph to kind of frame how we're going to approach the response.

And I'm actually going to describe everything in one large analyzing paragraph.

You could separate the items into separate paragraphs if you want to, but because the trends or so you know, straight forward, we won't be needing to do anything of that complicated.

So I'm just gonna put it all into into one larger paragraph.

So we start respond something like this, just giving Cem, um, a bit of an overview of what we're looking at.

The three pie charts communicate the status of young people in Australia after leaving, uh, secondary school before the years 1980.

90 92,000 The three partners communicate the status of young people in Australia after leaving secondary school for the years 1918 19 92,000.

And I have the data source in front of me on my desk here.

So I'm just going to, um, move this to a new page just to keep everything nice and organized.

We're going to be looking at the broad trends on dhe, the more minor menu trends in our response.

So we write something like working friends between these three points in time scene when bye cares.

Okay, okay, So now let's talk about the rates of employment.

So as I was mentioned in the opening of the video, this is a growth that seems it was from 40% 50% to 55%.

There's no need to separate each of these figures into their own sentences.

You know, it's kind of a linear progression, so we can We can describe this in one sentence.

Rates of employment among post secondary young people again be very careful with the language that post secondary, but we're not mentioning whether their graduates or not because we don't know in Australia rose from 40% in 1986 2 96 connection 82 50% in 1990 and and then before welling further to 55% in bye 1000.

So rates of employment among post secondary in people in Australia rose from 40% 1980 to 50% by 1990 before swelling further to 55% by 2000.

And I mean, you know, if you were really trying to push the the word limit up, you could describe the trend.

That seems, you could say, it's it's, um it's you know, it it it was a trend that decelerated.

You could probably stick that in here somewhere, but I'm ensuring the figures like that.

It's it's kind of, uh, kind of clear that that's what's going on.

Come on, let's change this to be heard among, uh, people stray earlier who saw further education pleading studies.

So and I think that this is a fair assumption that they would have completed their secondary studies to proceed further education, but that, you know, that's not the case for the other two categories.

Okay, so that's kind of like the minor train that's going on, um, the young people who are looking for additional education.

It's just moving in the opposite direction.

But you know, it's it is consistently decreasing.

Um, so let's reference that this this demographic, um, made up 50% of total with 1980 but go 2 38 percent by 1990 further to 37%.

Okay, so by comparison, now we move into talking about those that are unemployed and just make reference to the growth pattern.

And this is different because it's not linear doesn't just move up or just move down.

So we could use that to help fulfill the requirement for comparative language.

Eso by comparison, young people in Australia, um, identifying as our, uh, that's could be identified as unemployed um followed growth pattern that was more very making up percent full 1980 12% in 1990 and 8% in 2000.

Okay, so I just read the paragraph again to make sure, flowing between sentences, well, rates of employment among post secondary young people in Australia rose from 40% 1980 to 50% by 1990 before swelling further to 55% by 2000.

A less substantial ships and waiting occurred among young people in Australia who sought further education after completing their secondary studies.

This demographic made a 50% of the total in 1980 but fell to 38% by 1990 further to 37% by 2000.

Uh, you could even stick and modestly somewhere and here, just to show that I mean the drop from 50 to 38 that's quite major, dropping 12%.

But then the 10 years following tonight at 2000 you know the drop is only 1% quite modest.

But anyway, by comparison, young people in Australia that could be identified as unemployed followed a growth pattern that was more varied.

Okay, so again, using comparative language here making up and then noticed the common pleas making up 10% of the total in 1980 12% in 1990 and 8% in 2000.

Then we could just hack on that, You know, these growth patterns or something that we might expect to carry on, you know, not indefinitely.

It is likely these three differing growth patterns.

Carrie, on similar fashion beyond year 2000.

Okay, so we've very specifically described the three pie charts.

I might It like I was saying, you know, you could add, in a sense, to describe the growth style of people that, um, were employed.

So I mean, I might just do that just to demonstrate to you here, Um, so rates of employment among post secondary young people in Australia um, we could see decelerated.

Rising rates decelerated over with 20 years and question, um, let's just say so.