Name: What are cohesion and coherence and how can they help you on your IELTS exam? (4 of 4)
Uploaded: 2020-03-25T04:28:51.000Z
Duration: 17 min 35 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Okay, now we're going to look at a paragraph that lacks coherence.

Modal verbs - B1

Before we do, I I would like to share with you a few ideas of mine that you might want to take note of.

Transition words & phrases

Often, students lack coherence in there writing simply because their basic grammatical foundation is weak.

Here we have a paragraph that makes efforts to link its sentences cohesively but lacks in basic coherence.

So what you'll see in this next paragraph is that the student tried to link the ideas together using cohesive phrases just like the ones we just used, such as Firstly, for example, this makes it clear thus, but the basic coherence of their sentences is lacking, and it makes it very difficult to understand what the student is trying to say and what they're trying to argue.

So as we read through this paragraph, try to make a mental note of why this paragraph lacks in coherence.

Secondly, the lifestyle of a modern people must avoid to not eating healthy foods.

For example, fast food restaurants such as McDonald's make health worse.

Because of this, eating healthy food should to be the only one also because of this fast food should not be eating.

Okay, I'm sure that you have probably come up with a few ideas of your own.

This paragraph is difficult to understand.

Now, I would like to share with you four points.

Um, the four reasons why I think the four main reasons why I think this paragraph lax and coherence now the 1st 1 is, of course, grammar.

If you look at paragraph, it's is riddled with grammar mistakes.

The 1st 1 has to do with this phrase here.

Okay, Now, even in this phrase, there are multiple grammar mistakes.

But the one I wanted to highlight was just the the sort of double negative that they have happening in the sentence, which they're telling somebody to avoid.

And then they're telling them to avoid not doing something.

Of course, the easiest way to state this idea would be to simply eat healthy foods, not to avoid, not to eating healthy foods.

The second grammar mistake that I often see our students that use Mota lt's such as should Would Could, May might ought to shall will, um, and others.

And they follow it with two should to be no.

Any time a native person hears someone used the phrase should, too, it is very, very clear that this person does not have good command of the English language.

So if you are a student that is regularly using a motile and following it with two, I would strongly suggest not doing that.

The third thing comes at the very end here where we have should not be eating.

Of course we would have to change that to the participle, which is another called a mistake that students, you know, commit and particularly, uh, when they make efforts to write passively, which helps you to sound academic.

I think it's it's great that they're doing they're making these efforts, but they have to remember that often.

You know, we're writing using, uh, the participle form of the verb, and you have to be careful in this area.

Now, the second reason I feel that this paragraph lacks in coherence is relating to the example.

Now what you see here is, for example, fast food restaurants such as McDonald's make health worse?

Ah, the first thing is that this opening sentence tells people who are living modern lifestyles, that they should eat healthy foods.

And then the example says, uh, you know, talks about, you know, unhealthy food, and it's kind of difficult to see the connection between the two.

The main reason why this example is a poor example is because the students presents McDonald's and presents their opinion a vote McDonald's and tries to use their opinion to prove their argument.

So they write, McDonald's make health worse.

This is the student's opinion about McDonald's.

It's very difficult to prove what you are stating or what you are our gering by simply using something like your opinion.

That's not a good foundation for an argument.

So someone who is marking this exam would working.

This essay would probably say this is not good evidence for the arguments, and it would be considered that the point had not been proven.

So basically, to make your example strong, you have to use fax, you have to use relevant facts that proved the arguments that you're making.

Okay, Uh, my third point is in reference to and illogical statement the only one.

Because of this, eating healthy food should to be the only one.

I also see vory often students who make references to the one the only one that would to be honest A.

I don't know what this person is talking about.

Are they saying that healthy food is the best or should be?

The only foods that people eat are you know, it's not clear.

And of course, when you read this, you know that this person has every poor command of the English language.

So if you are a student that is using phrases like the only one, please make efforts to discontinue that.

So number three my point number three was a logical references.

This is why this paragraph lacks coherence.

A paragraph that lacks structure is not coherence.

There are many, many, many structures for essays, many, many different structures.

It's important that you use one and use one that is effective improving your points or discussing the points of others or in completing whatever task you're given here.

The student has concluded this paragraph with a recommendation, which is, you know, it's kind of bizarre because it sounds like this.

This is an essay that is an argument essay, and it's saying something along the lines off.

And at the end of this paragraph, instead of stating clearly modern lifestyles, um, tends to cause people two, uh, lied, unhealthy or get into unhealthy life habits instead of concluding, you know, something that connects to the argument they have concluded with this, which is a recommendation also, because of this fast food should not be eaten.

This is a recommendation in This is a very weak way to end.

You know, a supporting paragraph in your argument essay.

Okay, so structure is very important that you employ a strong structure to help the coherence of your writing.

Now let's go back through this paragraph, ed, improve it sentence by sentence.

Secondly, the lifestyle of a modern people must avoids two nights eating, Ah, healthy foods.

This is something like the fast paced lifestyles of, uh, uh of order.

People tends to promote conception of quick foods consumption quick, like Okay, we take this.

Secondly, the fast paced lifestyles of modern people tend to promote the consumption of quick foods that lack nourishment.

Okay, so we're connecting the idea that, uh, mater lifestyles leads to poor health.

Now we have to prove this, and we do that with an example.

Now, the student used an example as we talked about this example is an opinion.

When I read this example, I thought about a movie that I saw.

It was called, um, super size me and what this movie did, is it It used fax to prove that the the food that served at McDonald's is not healthy.

And if you if you eat McDonald's to regularly, your health will decline.

Let's use this movie as our example instead to show that that these sorts of fast, fast food restaurants are not good lifestyle choices.