Name: The 6 Most Googled Parenting Queries Answered...
Uploaded: 2020-03-23T05:33:15.000Z
Duration: 19 min 16 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

They have the behavior, the capability they were taught correctly.

But what about the beliefs and the values?

Maybe they believe they're not smart enough.

Or maybe they don't value remembering what they're studying.

One of the reasons why Children don't learn is because what does this have to do with light lights brightly there, not knowing about it at all?

He looked back in high school, and you think about what we're taught, like parallel grams instead of doing like, like how to do your taxes right?

And you know that like there's no parallelogram season, you know, tax season.

There there is right, so we're not taught how to be able to do that.

And so part of the values is relevancy, you know, taking information that child's learning and showing them how they could apply towards their life.

So beliefs and values, even when we teach people how to remember names, maybe, for example, that's the behavior, and even they have been taught how to remember names.

But maybe they don't value remembering someone's name.

Or maybe they believe that they have a horrible memory.

So all behavior is believed driven, so that needs to be addressed.

And then the level above belief in values are this level is level called identity.

Like Who does that child think that they are?

You know, we've all heard in this community that the two most powerful words in the English language or I am right because what every word you put after that is your your life.

Let's say at a behavioral level, you want your child to stop doing something.

Even if you think about the adults like they struggle with almond, stop smoking, right?

And maybe they were maybe even taught how to do it like they went through some kind of seminar list, some kind of podcast about it, you know, maybe they have a belief, maybe around it.

Or maybe so you want somebody is a child to study, but their identity is I'm stupid.

Well, yeah, let's go deeper into these labels that really, really dangerous.

In a lot of times, it's imposed on Children in a school environment or by the parents themselves, right?

Adults have to be very careful of their external words.

They're extra words because they become a child's internal words.

You know, when when I was nine years old and a teacher pointed to me in front of classing, that's the boy with a broken brain that became my inner speech.

So every single time I did badly on a quiz, which was a lot often every time I wasn't picked for sports, I would I would say, Oh, it's because I have the broken brain that became my inner voice.

But here's what you want to remember as adults and even with your Children is that your brain is like a supercomputer and yourself talk is a program.

So if you tell yourself you're not good at remembering names, you will not remember the name of next person you meet because you program.

Your supercomputer not to your mind is always eavesdropping on yourself.

Your mind is always eavesdropping on yourself.

And so when people come to you or your child comes to you and they say, Oh, I'm not a good study or I have a horrible memory you have to remind them if you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them.

If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them.

If people realized how powerful their mind truly was, they wouldn't say or think anything.

So I think a lot of relationships in general, but especially new parents kind of beat themselves up.

And it's not working, and this is supposed to be perfect.

And for us, we really it's how we look at it.

This is gonna be an opportunity for growth.

This is gonna be an opportunity for us toe, learn more about each other to learn more about each other's boundaries and preferences, and really kind of just dive deeper into this so we can become a better foundation for our son.

And that context changes the whole game because if We're like resisting the communication challenges.

Then there's no way you can come out of that because you're already making it wrong versus going.

To have an opportunity to grow and to learn and to really come together in a deeper way.

I think what's most important in all of it is, is just stepping back into the room.

Andi and I mean that literally and metaphorically and energetically.

I think that, um, back to this idea, this fantasy standard of always getting it right and always having things working that's gonna like things were gonna blow up play.

He talks about how our neurobiology is actually completely connected.

You know, for a long time a lot of relationship theory thought, Oh, you know, I'm responsible for my consciousness.

You're responsible for your consciousness.

But now, actually, science is proving that were totally interconnected.

And when he's anxious or stressed out, I'm a part of that, and my biology is feeling that, too.

So our Children are feeling our anxiety are stress our frustration.

They're feeling when we're stuffing it down and sweeping it under the road, they can sense all of that so truthfully, like transparency for us has been huge and not taking things personally, like in a very tactical sense.

Those two things, plus having really clear, intentional agreements on how we communicate.

Like, for instance, every Sunday we do this like transparency.

Talk where it's like anything during the week that's come up that we had a thought about or that, you know, we kind of court resentful about We just bring it into the space and how we do it is We start with an acknowledgement and they say, Hey, here's what I want technology for from this week Now here's what came up for me and we make sure it's in responsible communication.

Like I made up the story that you, you know, my wounded self believes, or the frightened person frightened.

Part of my personality thinks that, and then he would just receive it.

Okay, great here, You awesome not taking it personally, but being an objective listener so that we just have this space to clear all that crab that otherwise we're just stack sex and cause a lot of neuro biological frustration that the child can feel.

Now, for those of you listening to this going So you're saying I'm responsible for everything that that my wife or boyfriend or whatever is experiencing?

What we're saying is is that we get to keep each other in mind.

We get to protect each other's love, personality life like the same way that we care for our child.

If we even did 20% of that for our partners, the game would change.

And I think that, um, it's just really important.

Yeah, and I want to start by saying that these, you know, invisible secondary losses are more catastrophic for teens and Children than it is, and they are for adults.

So when when a When a team has a break up, Um, and you know, they they spent time with that friend that we're in a relationship with, and all of a sudden that person goes and rejects them.

Um, I would be very concerned if we didn't emphasize, invalidate and acknowledge that the depths off loss that your child is experiencing.

I am going to come across as dramatic in this part because I want to make sure that parents are aware that suicide is, um is very present at this age, when there is a break up when there's bowling at school.

I've had parents write to me, um, the hard things about the suicide of their Children.

They didn't know they were not aware of the losses, the bowling, the rejection, the abandonment their child was experiencing at school.

These losses are so invisible that the child will do everything they can to appear normal, are stronger or strong or that everything's fine.

But they have the social life that the and in the break up conversation, um, most parents would say, Don't worry, sweetheart.

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The 6 Most Googled Parenting Queries Answered...

anxiety

context

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opportunity