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  • Hey, you! Yeah, you with the ears! I’m talkinto you! Only I’m holding down the Z button

  • in order to do so. From the depths of the Sea of Pokemon Spin-off Titles comes one of

  • exactly two games to utilize THIS device, a microphone adapter for the N64 that plugs

  • into the 4th-player slot. Unfortunately, it’s also supposed to come with a mounting bracket

  • to connect it to your controller, as well as a yellow windscreen on the end. Having

  • neither, I’ve adapted the device into a lavalier mike by affixing it to my shirt.

  • I spare no expense. Thus, I began my journey, not to become the very best like no one ever

  • was, but to get this Pikachu to bring me some bacon. ‘Cuz if he can’t do that, what

  • good is he? Honestly.

  • Awright, maybe I’m being too harsh on him. After all, he’s a Pikachu, and thus doesn’t

  • really grasp the intricacies of the English language. He can only understand a few phrases,

  • which are highlighted in red wherever theyre mentioned, and can be a bit dense sometimes.

  • Youll often find yourself frustrated by his blazing idiocy, especially when he tries

  • to eat charcoal or can’t find a freakincarrot. That’s right, Bulbasaur’s picnic

  • was ruined, because you wouldn’t leave the damn cabbage alone! Were not having sauerkraut!

  • And I thought I told you to go mug a Farfetch’d for the onion you needed, because that would

  • be funnier. Anyway. You get to interact - in a manner of speaking - with Pikachu in various

  • locales near Viridian Forest, but which includes weird places like Ochre Forest and the Cobalt

  • Coast, which only exist in this sub-reality (and its spiritual sequel, Pokemon Channel

  • for the GameCube). Who knows. All these flavors of Pokemon have opened enough pocket dimensions

  • as to make any cartographer try to drown himself. In a sea full of three-inch-high Horsea.

  • Awright. So it might not have set the world on fire back in its time. But... playing it

  • 13 years after its release (or, in Pokemon terms, a Target Demographic’s lifetime),

  • it somehow manages to be quaint AND adorable, even if youre being all postmodern and

  • trying to ask Pikachu if he’s just not a morning person, or if he wants a coffee, or

  • if he’s seen any good films lately. You can only try to be not-a-kid so long when

  • presented with this game. And then you slowly buy into it, as making that stew becomes really

  • important to you, and you need to direct Pikachu through this field full of irrelevant cabbages

  • and sweet potatoes and whatnot. And you may get frustrated, but then that’s washed away

  • by the thrill of success. You might as well just give in, because though the premise may

  • be fairly simple and the size of the world rather limited, there are enough items to

  • collect and tricks to teach that youll be entranced for a while... until you get

  • just fed up with the inaccuracies in the phoneme recognition and can’t take it anymore. I


Hey, you! Yeah, you with the ears! I’m talkinto you! Only I’m holding down the Z button

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