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  • Hey there, it's Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business and life you love.

  • Now, if you look closely, things may look a little different around here.

  • If you look in the back, there's like my flowers on some wooden boxes.

  • I don't have my normal stool, we got a little Dayquil in the house, what what? So here's what's happening.

  • I got a really bad cold. We have a shoot day today for MarieTV, we shoot a lot of episodes at once

  • and when we got here, everything's set up but the furniture did not get delivered.

  • I'm sure you've had things in your life where things do not work out as planned and how do we roll?

  • The show must go on, so we're going to get into a little Q&A Tuesday action right now.

  • This is going to be fun because my head's a little foggy from the Dayquil

  • but we're going to have a good time. Alright, Let's do this.

  • Today's question comes from Vanessa, and she writes:

  • "Hi, Marie, thanks for all you do, here is my deal. I was with someone for the last 10 years,

  • we were engaged, he was the provider, I was pursuing acting and we had goals set up for our future.

  • We grew distant and long story short, he broke up with me a month ago.

  • I'm starting my whole life over at 32 and feel lost. I'm unmotivated, broke and terrified about my future.

  • Will I be alone? Will I be too old to start a family? I'm trying and failing at being positive and having any kind of faith.

  • How do I feel all these things and still move forward?

  • I've accepted that I'm going to be in pain, but how do I work and keep from being constantly consumed by this?

  • Thanks -- Vanessa."

  • Vanessa, this is such a great question. I am so happy that you wrote in.

  • I don't know any person on the planet who can't remember a time in their own life when they felt shattered and lost.

  • In fact, when I was in my early 20s and I broke off my engagement,

  • I was such a mess that I moved home with my parents because I was completely devastated and I didn't know what to do.

  • I felt like a total failure both as a life coach and in my relationships.

  • However, there were a few things that I did that helped me climb out of that misery.

  • The one thing I did right was I kept my bartending job. It was stable

  • and it was something that I could just go to. I remember if my girl friends called, even if I didn't want to go out, I just went out.

  • I made it my focus to just do one thing at a time and really do just what was in front of me.

  • Now, maybe you don't have a bartending job to go to,

  • however, here are four key ideas that can help you start over and get past anything.

  • Number one -- everything happens for a reason. This may sound like fluff, but it's a really useful framework for life.

  • You've got to remember that nothing has meaning besides the meaning that you give it

  • and it's up to you whether you choose to assign an empowering or disempowering meaning to this experience.

  • If you go through life knowing that every problem is serving a greater purpose,

  • somehow it's making you stronger and smarter,

  • you're going to look for and find an empowering lesson in every situation. Someday you're going to say

  • "if so-and-so didn't break up with me, I wouldn't have ____,"

  • and that blank is going to be a beautiful surprise that you couldn't possibly predict right now.

  • Key idea number two -- pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Vanessa, you wrote here:

  • "I've accepted that I'm going to be in pain."

  • Now when you say that, it's as though the pain is constant and it's going to last forever. Here's something I want you to know:

  • nothing lasts forever including pain. Pain only lasts if you resist it

  • or if you dramatize it by telling yourself the same old "I'm a victim" story again and again and again.

  • So remember, pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.

  • What you need to practice is allowing yourself to actually feel the pain, to experience it in your body without going into a mental drama about what it means.

  • What I mean by mental drama is getting lost in thoughts like

  • "why did this happen to me" or "will I be too old to start a family" or yada, yada, yada.

  • All that stuff is a story that you're telling yourself that's not actually true

  • and if you just experience the physical pain of it without going into the mental drama,

  • it'll be over before you know it. So, go ahead and feel the pain,

  • maybe the sensations in your body is like a tightness in your chest or a heaviness in your belly, but remember,

  • if you actually experience the physical sensations, the pain is never going to last more than it a few seconds.

  • Key idea number three -- make is-ness your business. Vanessa, a lot of what's holding you back right now

  • is anxiety about the future or regrets about the past

  • and if you really break it down, the future and the past are just mental concepts. They don't really exist.

  • The only thing that exists right now is this current moment: the present moment of now.

  • So the trick to getting yourself back on track is to become a master at living in the moment

  • because the truth is you are capable of handling anything that happens in this current moment of now.

  • I call this practice "making is-ness your business."

  • In fact, I wrote a whole chapter on it in my book Make Every Man Want You.

  • Making is-ness your business means giving your full attention and focus to this moment, whatever is happening right now.

  • So you've got to ask yourself: can I handle what's actually happening in this moment of now?

  • Not your drama filled thoughts about what's happening, but the reality of what's happening in this moment.

  • For example, is your heart beating right now? Yes. Perfect. Are you breathing right now?

  • Yes. Awesome. Then you've handled this moment. Now that moment is over and you're in a new moment.

  • Play this game long enough and you'll condition yourself to be engaged in your real life

  • instead of your thoughts about your life.

  • Number four -- do the basics one day at a time.

  • The key to build momentum and getting back on track is to take everything one day at a time.

  • So there's a reason that it's a theme song and it's a cliché; it works. Here's what you got to do:

  • you got to eat real good food today. Exercise your body today. Do what needs to be done today.

  • Not for the whole week, not for the month, not for the rest of your life; just do it today,

  • especially if you don't feel like doing something. Do it anyway. I'm sure you've experienced this.

  • you say you don't want to go to the gym but you get yourself there and you work out and

  • you're like "oh my god, I'm so glad that I came,"

  • or your friends ask you to go out and you really don't want to go out but you suit up and you go out anyway

  • and then you come home and you're like "oh my god, that was so awesome, I'm so glad I went."

  • So focus on the basics one day at a time and before you know it, you are going to be back on track.

  • Before we wrap this up, I want to leave you with a beautiful tweetable from Mary Tyler Moore

  • and she says:

  • "Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you."

  • Vanessa, that was my A to your Q. Thank you so much for asking and do let us know how it goes.

  • Now I would love to hear from you. Have you ever felt shattered and lost and

  • had trouble getting started again? What did you do to get back on track?

  • Whether it's an idea from this video or something completely different, I would love to hear from you.

  • As always, the best action happens over in the comments section at Marieforleo.com

  • so go there and leave a comment now.

  • So did you like this video where our set is kinda half created and I'm all hyped up on cold medicine?

  • If so, subscribe to our channel and share it with your friends,

  • and if you want even more great resources to have a business in life that you love plus some personal insights from me that I only talk about in e-mail,

  • and if you're lucky, I'll have even more cold medicine,

  • get your butt over to MarieForleo.com and sign up for e-mail updates.

  • Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams. The world needs that special gift that only you have.

  • Thank you so much for watching and I'll see you next time on MarieTV.

Hey there, it's Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business and life you love.

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Feeling Lost

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    阿多賓 posted on 2016/08/22
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