Name: STOP TRYING TO BE HAPPY
Uploaded: 2020-03-19T11:53:47.000Z
Duration: 9 min 1 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Gerund

I want to talk about how you need to stop trying to be happy.

I think our society today is obsessed with the concept of happiness.

Happiness today is translated in a form of, you know, having a great job and knowing what you're doing with your life having the perfect partner having a visually pleasing home.

It comes our way from so many directions social media, TV magazines Everybody wants you to be happy.

But I find it in the last couple of months, this whole like search for constant happiness made me feel more confused and lost than ever.

So I started looking into this whole subject of happiness, and I found that in the past 30 years we had a serious rise off the oppression and suicide, and those things happened mostly and more established and developed countries.

And you would think that with technology and medicine and uber eats will be happier now.

So I started thinking, Maybe we're chasing the wrong thing.

What is happiness so happen is defined as a frequent experience of positive emotions, off feeling happy at that moment.

Is it realistic for us to be happy all the time.

Is it realistic for us to feel positive all the time?

I started kind of digging more and more into what is that thing that makes life worth living?

And I found that that the answer is meaning, and I think that it's something that we don't talk enough about.

Surprisingly meaning is more attainable and maintainable.

You don't have to be happy all the time to feel like your life are worth living.

So I found this book called The Power of Meaning, and she defined water, the four clear pillars that are needed in our lives to make them feel more meaningful.

The first pillar that she talks about is belonging, and it's very clear.

Belonging is feeling like you're part of something part of a community, part of a family surrounded with friends, and all of those are valuable relationship that honor who you are as a person, so they're not based on anything like status or finance.

It's really about the truth to running yourself with those type of relationship that are based on truth that accept you the way you are, and I don't judge you as a person is so, so important.

I was watching this cat talk about this longest study ever made on humans.

And they were following people, I think, for 60 or 70 years from childhood until they're old age and they wanted to measure at the end of their lives.

Why was it that brought them the most happiness in their lives?

Some of them when to do amazing things in their careers and make money.

Some went back to poverty and just like a lot of variety at a lot of them ended up saying that relationships were the most important key to leading Ah, fulfilling life.

So making sure that you're surrounded by really true people that love you and cherish you and you do the same is extremely important.

The second pillar is purpose and purpose can sound a little big and overwhelming, like you're supposed to do something that will save the world.

But you'll be surprised that purpose can truly be anything It could be, Ah, present parent.

It can be a positive person in your office.

Those are things that will bring purpose.

It's about how what you do benefits someone else and not just you and your ego.

It could be being involved in a cause in your community or fighting for something that you believe in, or even being again, something so simple.

But being present and active member in your family.

If it's helping up with chores or taking care of siblings, all of those things can bring value to your life, making you feel like you have a purpose like you're here and you're helping and you're doing something that doesn't serve you but serve someone else.

So in return and makes your life feel more fulfilled and worthwhile, finding that purpose in your everyday task will make you feel motivated and resilient.

The third pillar is storytelling, and this is something I wish that all of us will one day master.

The good, bad, horrible experiences happen to us all the time.

And as humans, it's our natural instinct to make sense of everything to draw conclusions, trying to understand why it happens, we process these events and trying to make sense out of them.

And those stories that we tell ourselves are really defining who we are.

So we always make narrative choices when we're telling the stories to ourselves.

The choices that you make with those stories shape you as a person.

I'm sure you see around as they're so many inspiring and motivational people that the way they tell their story, it's coming from a place where they had that challenging or bad experience in their lives, and it led them into something bigger and better, and they found a way to tell that story, and that story gave them meaning and purpose.

So look, att, Oprah or look at others so many amazing people online that are taking bad experiences and helping other people with those stories.

The people that Naret those experiences as positive are the ones that find meaning in their lives.

They chose to define their experience as experience that had a purpose that had a meaning that didn't happen for no reason.

It happened to bring you something bigger to make you better to teach you something.

If you are at a place where it feels like a dark hole.

You can sit down, reflect look back and it might be painful and might be uncomfortable.

But sitting down and reflecting on those experiences and challenging moments and trying to understand why they happen and what good they brought to you will really help you to connect all the dots and feel more calm, the fourth pillar and the last one in transcendence.

And this is something that I would say you can call it mindfulness against.

But transcendence aren't those moments in life that happened when you just kind of leave your ego and your mind and all those thoughts that are rushing through and like every second in our brains and really kind of stepping out of yourself and feel like you're part of something so much bigger?

Some people experience that with meditating.

Others experience it with walking in nature are the ones through art.

Some people I know feel that way when they do a craft that they love.

So really kind of finding something that makes you realize how small and insignificant so many things in our lives are and really working on developing that power off.

Leaving your ego and leaving your mind and connecting to something bigger really helps with showing you the bigger picture.

It makes you trust the process in a way, and it makes you realize that you can control everything, which is such a relief to understand.

And it's something that we have to remind ourselves all the time.

So those moments are the ones that really change us.

They're the ones that make us feel less self centered and kinder to ourselves and to others.

My favorite lesson from those moments is just letting go.

So we have belonging purpose storytelling in transcendence.

Those are the four pillars that are actually making a difference in their lives.

And when you have them and you work on having them and you work on maintaining them, you're gonna feel like you're here for a reason.

There's meaning to what you're doing in life is worth living, and it doesn't all have to translate to always being happy and feeling positive all the time, because that's not how we work.

Unfortunately, and the world doesn't work that way.

Stop trying to be happy and look for meaning and fulfillment.