Name: Meanwhile... Horny Man Threatens To Sue NFL Over Sexy J.Lo & Shakira Halftime Show
Uploaded: 2020-03-18T23:02:18.000Z
Duration: 6 min 55 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT SPEND A LOT OF TIME OVER THERE,

SPRINKLING THE SILK SHEETS WITH ROSE PETALS AND CHILLING A

MAGNUM OF DOM PERIGNON, TO CREATE THE PERFECT ROMANTIC

BUT SOMETIMES, I LIKE TO RUN TO RITE AID AT THE LAST MINUTE,

PICK THROUGH THE DAMAGED CANDY BOXES OF LEFTOVER STORIES, SLAP

A RIBBON ON A BOTTLE OF COUGH SYRUP, AND SCRATCH OUT SOME OF

THE DETAILS ON A "HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDPA" CARD, TO CREATE THE

HALF-ASSED VALENTINE OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:

AND AFTER A BAD YEAR AND THE COMPANY NEARLY GOING BANKRUPT,

THE "SWEETHEARTS CONVERSATION HEARTS ARE BACK."

HOWEVER, HOWEVER, THEY "DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO SET UP THE

MANUFACTURING PROCESS" AND "NOT ALL OF THE HEARTS WILL HAVE

ALSO, THEY WON'T BE SHAPED LIKE HEARTS, THEY WON'T BE FUN

MEANWHILE, THIS VIDEO WENT VIRAL THIS WEEKEND OF COSMO THE

COUGAR, THE OFFICIAL MASCOT OF THE MORMON BRIGHAM YOUNG

LOOK WHAT YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH WHEN YOU'RE NOT WASTING YOUR

(  LAUGHTER  ) MEANWHILE, "ELON MUSK'S VERDICT

ON FACEBOOK IS IT'S 'LAME' AND YOU SHOULD DELETE IT," BECAUSE

IF THERE'S ANYONE I TRUST TO TELL ME WHAT'S COOL, IT'S

MEANWHILE, MEANWHILE, "KEITH RICHARDS HAS QUIT SMOKING."

WELL, I'M GLAD HE'S TAKING CARE OF HIMSELF BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

MEANWHILE, IN ROMANCE NEWS, THE SAN ANTONIO ZOO IS HOLDING A

FUNDRAISER IN WHICH YOU CAN "NAME A COCKROACH AFTER YOUR

EX AND WATCH AN ANIMAL EAT IT ON VALENTINE'S DAY FOR JUST $5."

BY THE WAY, THAT SCENE IS ALSO IN THE DIRECTOR'S CUT OF

BY THE WAY, NAMING A COCKROACH AFTER YOUR EX AND WATCHING IT

GET DEVOURED IS THE PERFECT WAY TO SAY, "SCREW YOU, STACY!

AND, ALSO, YOU CLEARLY MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE, STACY!"

BUT IF A COCKROACH ISN'T ENOUGH, "YOU CAN PAY $20 MORE TO HAVE

THEM NAME A RAT AND FEED IT TO A REPTILE INSTEAD, AND THE ZOO

PLANS TO STREAM THE FEEDINGS ON FACEBOOK LIVE."

AND I THINK WE HAVE A PICTURE OF ONE OF THE FACEBOOK REPTILES.

>> Stephen: MEANWHILE, "SEX FOR UNMARRIED PEOPLE IN VIRGINIA

MIGHT BE LEGAL SOON," BECAUSE UNTIL NOW, IT WAS ACTUALLY

"ILLEGAL FOR PEOPLE IN VIRGINIA TO HAVE CONSENSUAL SEX OUTSIDE

BUT IT'S ALWAYS BEEN RIGHT THERE IN THEIR SLOGAN: "VIRGINIA

(  LAUGHTER  ) MEANWHILE, AN OHIO MINISTER AND

PODCASTER NAMED DAVE DAUBENMIRE SAYS HE WANTS TO SUE THE N.F.L.

BECAUSE THE SUPER BOWL HALFTIME SHOW MADE HIM HORNY.

(  LAUGHTER  ) I HOPE HE MEANS THIS YEAR'S HALF

BECAUSE I WOULD HATE TO THINK HE WAS AROSED BY LEFT SHARK.

APPARENTLY, WHAT GOT DAUBENMIRE ALL DAUBENMIRED UP WAS THE PEPSI

HALFTIME SHOW FEATURING SHAKIRA AND JENNIFER LOPEZ.

DAUBENMIRE TOOK TO THE INTERNET TO VENT HIS VERY SPECIFIC

>> I SAW A LOT OF CROTCH SHOTS-- DARE I SAY THAT?

CROTCH SHOTS FROM LAST NIGHT'S SUPERBOWL.

I'M LOOKING FOR A LAWYER OUT THERE, OR SOMEBODY WHO WOULD

JOIN ME IN A CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT AGAINST PEPSI, THE

I DON'T KNOW WHO ALL WE WOULD SUE, BUT SUE AS MANY PEOPLE AS

JENNIFER LOPEZ, BY THE WAY, IS 50 YEARS OLD.

I'M GONNA SAY THIS AGAIN REALLY, REALLY SLOW.

YOU GO ON YOUR PORN WEBSITE, YOU'RE NOT LOOKING FOR

PORN ENTHUSIASTS DON'T WANT TO SEE 50-YEAR-OLD WOMEN, SIR?

DOES THE TERM "MILF" MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?

BUT I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED AS TO HOW DAUBENMIRE THINKS HE'S GOING

TO WIN THIS LAWSUIT, SO I'VE INVITED HIM HERE TO EXPLAIN.

THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME ON YOUR FILTHY, LATE-NIGHT,

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Meanwhile... Horny Man Threatens To Sue NFL Over Sexy J.Lo & Shakira Halftime Show

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