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  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • >> Ken: HELLO!

  • THANK YOU!

  • OH, MY GOD!

  • THANK YOU SO MUCH!

  • WELCOME TO "THE LATE LATE SHOW" WITH ME, KEN JEONG.

  • THANK YOU!

  • YOU MAY KNOW ME AS "THAT GUY" FROM "THAT THING" WHICH YOU

  • PROBABLY THOUGHT WAS "OKAY."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I'M FILLING IN FOR JAMES CORDEN,

  • WHILE HE'S TAKING TIME OFF TO WORK ON ANOTHER PROJECT.

  • (WHISPERING) "BOTOX, NOSE JOB, LIP

  • INJECTIONS."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY.

  • I'M SO GRATEFUL TO THE NINE CELEBRITIES WHO SAID NO BEFORE

  • JAMES ASKED ME.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S A FUN FACT, YOU MAY OR

  • MAY NOT KNOW THIS.

  • BEFORE I WENT INTO COMEDY, I WAS AN ACTUAL MEDICAL DOCTOR.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YES!

  • THANK YOU.

  • HEAL THYSELF.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I WAS AN INTERNAL MEDICINE

  • PHYSICIAN AT KAISER PERMANENTE AND PRACTICED FOR SEVEN YEARS

  • BEFORE I SAID, ( BLEEP ) THAT, I'LL

  • BE NAKED AND FAMOUS IN A MOVIE."

  • AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES AMERICA GREAT.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY LAUGHTER IS

  • THE BEST MEDICINE.

  • UH-UH, KLONOPIN IS THE BEST MEDICINE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) IT GIVES YOU A SCHOLAR'S BUZZ.

  • ( RIM SHOT ) ( LAUGHTER )

  • >> Ken: THANK YOU.

  • FOR ME, HOSTING A LATE-NIGHT SHOW, EVEN FOR ONE NIGHT, IS A

  • DREAM COME TRUE.

  • IT'S SO EXCITING KNOWING MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WILL BE

  • TUNING IN AT 11:30 TO SEE ME-- WHAT?

  • WHEN DOES THIS AIR?

  • 12:30?

  • (SIGHS) HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WILL BE

  • TUNING IN TO SEE ME.

  • ( RIM SHOT ) SPEAKING OF EXCITING, TOMORROW

  • IS A VERY HISTORIC DAY.

  • THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES WILL BE VOTING ON THE

  • IMPEACHMENT OF DONALD TRUMP.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH.

  • I GOTTA SAY, IT IS PRETTY BALLSY OF THE HOUSE TO HOLD THEIR

  • IMPEACHMENT VOTE THE SAME DAY AS THE SECOND SEASON FINALE OF "THE

  • MASKED SINGER."

  • PICKED UP FOR A THIRD.

  • AM I RIGHT?

  • ( RIM SHOT ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • DO IT AGAIN.

  • ( RIM SHOT ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE

  • HUMAN RIM SHOT!

  • ( CHEERING ) AND WE'LL CUT THAT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, IT IS A ROUGH TIME FOR

  • TRUMP, ALTHOUGH MAYBE HE'LL SEE THIS

  • SHOW TONIGHT AND FEEL CHEERED UP THAT I'M FILLING IN FOR JAMES

  • CORDEN.

  • YOU KNOW, AN AMERICAN TAKING A JOB BACK FROM AN IMMIGRANT.

  • YAY!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )

  • IN OTHER NEWS, THIS WAS AN INTERESTING NEW STUDY.

  • SO-CALLED "ME-TIME" IS MORE IMPORTANT FOR A HEALTHY

  • RELATIONSHIP THAN DATE NIGHTS.

  • "ME TIME."

  • OR AS MR. CHOW CALLS IT, "HEHEHEHE."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) COME ON, GUYS.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU.

  • THANK YOU, GUYS.

  • WHAT?

  • THAT'S NOT DIRTY, I WAS ROLLING DICE FROM MY STOMACH.

  • GROW UP!

  • "ME-TIME."

  • I LIKE THAT TERM.

  • IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN THE ONE I'VE BEEN USING AROUND THE

  • HOUSE, "O-FACE O-CLOCK."

  • THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL ACTING RANGE.

  • ( RIM SHOT ) ( LAUGHTER )

  • AND, FINALLY, CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE, AND IT LOOKS LIKE

  • SOME PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY STARTED CELEBRATING.

  • POLICE AT THE NASHVILLE AIRPORT DISCOVERED THAT A MAN CARRYING

  • SUITCASES FILLED WITH WRAPPED CHRISTMAS PRESENTS WAS ACTUALLY

  • SMUGGLING 84 POUNDS OF MARIJUANA.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SORRY, REGGIE AND THE BAND.

  • CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) GUYS, AS A TOKE, I WOULD NOT

  • ADVISE YOU TO DO THIS.

  • IT'S DANGEROUS, IT'S ILLEGAL YOU CAN GET IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.

  • AND BESIDES, IF YOU WANT THAT MUCH WEED, HOLLER AT YOUR BOY

  • AND MEET ME IN THE BACK OF MY CAMRY.

  • ( RIM SHOT ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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