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  • Trump's impeachment trial is set to begin next week,

  • and, as with any impeachment trial,

  • the Senate will serve as the jury.

  • So this afternoon, all the senators were sworn in

  • by Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts,

  • and then they signed their names one by one

  • in what's known as the "oath book."

  • Yeah. It was a really solemn moment

  • and also the first time, uh, ever

  • that anyone's ever asked for Ted Cruz's autograph.

  • Now, the one big question hanging over this trial has been

  • will Republican senators allow new witnesses to testify?

  • Well, apparently, some of those witnesses

  • aren't waiting to find out.

  • They're just showing up on TV, right?

  • And the conversation everyone's talking about right now

  • is Rachel Maddow's interview with Lev Parnas,

  • an associate of Rudy Giuliani

  • and a man with seven different hairstyles all at once.

  • (laughter)

  • Now, Parnas is important

  • because unlike some previous witnesses

  • who only heard about what was going on,

  • he claims that he was working closely

  • with Rudy Giuliani to get dirt on the Bidens.

  • So if those other people smelled the borscht,

  • he actually made it.

  • And now he's telling all of America

  • how it went down.

  • President Trump knew exactly what was going on.

  • Uh, he was aware of all of my movements.

  • Uh, he... I wouldn't do anything without the consent

  • of Rudy Giuliani or the president.

  • Are you saying s-specifically--

  • I want to sort of drill down on that--

  • that the president was aware that you and Mr. Giuliani

  • were working on this effort in Ukraine

  • to basically try to hurt Joe Biden's political career?

  • -He was... He knew about that? -Basically.

  • Yeah, it was... it was all about Joe Biden, Hunter Biden.

  • It was never about, uh, corruption. It was never...

  • It was strictly about, uh, the Burisma,

  • which included Hunter Biden and Joe Biden.

  • Damn, those are some pretty big accusations.

  • Because, you understand, Lev Parnas is saying

  • that President Trump knew

  • about everything that was going on in Ukraine

  • and that none of it was really about fighting corruption.

  • That's a big deal coming from Rudy Giuliani's right-hand man.

  • This would be like if Luigi went on Rachel Maddow like,

  • "Mario doesn't care about the princess.

  • "He just loves to murder turtles.

  • He wants to kill all of them. He's a very sick man."

  • It would be huge.

  • -(cheering and applause) -Now...

  • Now, the White House...

  • The White House has responded to this interview

  • saying that Parnas is a liar.

  • They say he's only saying this

  • because he's been indicted for campaign finance fraud,

  • and so now he's trying to get a lighter sentence,

  • like a Ukrainian Tekashi69.

  • And Trump has gone one step further,

  • saying that he doesn't even know what a Lev Parnas is,

  • much less that he gave him instructions

  • to get dirt on Joe Biden,

  • to which Parnas is now responding,

  • "Pics. It did happen."

  • The president of the United States said,

  • uh, he didn't know you.

  • I don't know those gentlemen.

  • Now, it's possible I have a picture with him

  • because I have a picture with everybody.

  • I don't know them.

  • I welcome him to say that even more.

  • Every time he says that, I'll show him another picture.

  • -COOPER: He's wrong? -He's wrong.

  • Oh! Oh!

  • Okay, Parnas. Okay, Parnas.

  • You know the game is real

  • when someone is threatening to open their camera roll.

  • You know when your friend does that?

  • It's like, "Oh, do you want me to AirDrop these to you?

  • "'Cause I'll AirDrop them to everyone.

  • We both know what happened at that Sandals Resort."

  • (laughter)

  • I hope when Parnas does release the pictures,

  • they just get steadily more incriminating, you know?

  • It would be fun if, like, at first,

  • they're just at a party together.

  • You know, then the next picture,

  • they're riding together on Space Mountain.

  • Then, eventually, like all pictures,

  • it'll just end up with nudes.

  • You know, that's where it's gonna go.

  • Yeah, and Trump will be like, "That doesn't mean anything.

  • "I take nudes with everyone.

  • So many nudes."

  • (laughter)

  • So, this is the latest twist

  • in the Ukraine impeachment scandal.

  • Giuliani's former BFF, Lev Parnas,

  • says everyone in Trump world was involved:

  • the president, Mike Pence

  • and even Attorney General Bill Barr.

  • So many people are involved

  • that they're gonna have to take a party bus to the trial.

  • Yeah. Although, Mike Pence doesn't do alcohol,

  • so he'll just be sipping on seltzer, you know?

  • He'll just be like, "Oh, this water is so spicy."

  • (laughter)

  • And to make matters worse, to make matters worse,

  • today, a nonpartisan government agency

  • declared that Trump withholding military aid

  • from Ukraine was illegal.

  • Yeah, the thing he actually did. They're saying it was illegal.

  • Not maybe illegal, not illegalish.

  • Illegal.

  • And, I mean, that's black-and-white.

  • And trust me, I'm black and white,

  • so that's my area of expertise.

  • I know what this is like.

  • So, that's where things stand right now.

  • Witnesses are talking.

  • The government itself says Trump broke the law.

  • And I can only imagine that Trump must be

  • really, really, extremely worried right now.

  • I'm also approving new dishwashers

  • that give you more water

  • so you can actually wash and rinse your dishes

  • without having to do it ten times

  • or five, six, seven,

  • eight, nine, ten.

  • Your dishes are gonna be beautiful.

  • I'm talking about dishwashers,

  • sinks, toilets, light bulbs.

  • We won't talk about toilets, but, you know, that's a...

  • (imitates handle clanking)

  • Did you ever go to the faucet?

  • You turn on the faucet to wash your hands.

  • You go like that. The thing flips on and...

  • Whoa.

  • And then... (imitates water dripping)

  • But how about the shower?

  • You go into a shower.

  • And I have this beautiful head of hair.

  • I need a lot of water.

  • I knew it!

  • He's terrified.

Trump's impeachment trial is set to begin next week,

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