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  • The 45th president of the United States

  • got impeached.

  • -(cheering and applause) -Hey, whoa!

  • Well, you guys might be cheering,

  • but when Democrats in the House tried to cheer last night,

  • Nancy Pelosi shut it down

  • real fast.

  • NEWSWOMAN: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi maintaining control

  • of her caucus with a glance and a gesture alone

  • at one point yesterday.

  • On this vote, the yeas are 230.

  • The nays are 197.

  • Present is one.

  • Article I is adopted.

  • (scattered applause)

  • (laughter)

  • Damn.

  • Nancy didn't want to hear any gloating last night.

  • She killed that celebration quick.

  • Did you see that?

  • That kind of look would send a champagne cork

  • back into the bottle.

  • That-That's how intense that was.

  • They were like, "Pop!

  • Whoop."

  • But while the Democrats were impeaching,

  • the impeachee himself was holding a rally in Michigan,

  • and he wants everyone to know

  • that he's totally okay with being impeached.

  • It doesn't really feel like we're being impeached.

  • Do you...

  • That's why... You know, with Richard Nixon,

  • I just see it as a very dark era.

  • Very dark. Very... Oh.

  • You don't even like to think.

  • I don't know about you, but I'm having a good time.

  • It's crazy.

  • Aw.

  • Poor Trump, man.

  • He just became the third president in history

  • to get impeached, and you see what's happening.

  • He's trying to convince everyone that it doesn't bother him.

  • You know, he's just like, "It doesn't even feel like...

  • like we got impeached."

  • Like, yeah, no, not "we." You got impeached.

  • There's no "we."

  • You know what this reminds me of?

  • This reminds me of, like, when you were a kid

  • and then you wiped out on your bike

  • in front of all your friends,

  • but then you got up and you had to play it cool.

  • And your friends were like, "Hey, man, are you okay?"

  • You're like, "Yeah, that wasn't nothing.

  • "I-I did it on purpose

  • 'cause I thought it would be funny."

  • And your friend is like,

  • "Dude, I can see the white stuff under your skin."

  • You're like, "Yeah, I'm going home."

  • (whimpers)

  • So, Trump... Trump really wants people

  • to think that impeachment is no big deal to him,

  • but he also wants you to think it was a travesty.

  • I'm the first person to ever get impeached and there's no crime.

  • I-- Like, I feel guilty. You know what they call it?

  • Impeachment lite. It's impeachment lite.

  • You know what they have done?

  • They've cheapened the impeachment process,

  • and now... anybody that becomes president,

  • I mean, they could have a phone call

  • and they get impeached.

  • Okay, first of all,

  • "impeachment lite"?

  • There's no impeachment lite, okay?

  • Impeachment is like herpes.

  • You either have it or you don't.

  • "Oh, don't worry, baby.

  • This is just some diet herpes right here."

  • (chuckles) And, also,

  • I like how he says everyone who becomes president from now on

  • can get impeached for having a phone call.

  • Obviously, what Trump said on the phone call with Ukraine

  • is what matters, not the fact that he just made a call.

  • Like, Trump's either being disingenuous

  • or he took completely the wrong lesson from this whole thing.

  • Because this would be like O.J. going,

  • "All right, fine, I learned my lesson.

  • I won't wear gloves anymore."

  • Although... (chuckles)

  • although part of me, part of me thinks

  • that Trump is just setting up an excuse

  • for not calling Eric on his birthday.

  • That's what he's just doing. "I'm sorry, Eric.

  • I just can't call you. I can't risk another impeachment."

  • "But you said it was impeachment lite."

  • "Still too risky, boy. Too risky."

  • So, look, man, Donald Trump can try and act

  • like he doesn't care about impeachment,

  • but you cannot deny that this is a bad way

  • for him to end the year.

  • So, here at The Daily Show, we thought,

  • with this being our final show of 2019,

  • we would do the president a solid

  • and focus on one of his major achievements of this year,

  • inventing an incredible array

  • of new words.

  • I know words. I have the best words.

  • ♪ ♪

  • He was awarded the Bronze Star

  • and the Combat "Infantroopen" Badge.

  • Heart, lung and liver "transpants."

  • And to "deligitimatize..."

  • Made a "pivittible" f-- Really,

  • and, I mean, this was pivotal.

  • "Heroilynn" alone--

  • if you look at the heroin epidemic...

  • To fully reauthorize the "9/Elective"--

  • 11 victims.

  • President Franklin "De-lay-no" Roosevelt.

  • We must seek real "bipartiss solucius."

  • "Asbadidizziz," it-it meant something.

  • And all 50 states to immediately waive

  • all "apliculibulls" state taxes.

  • Americans of all walks of lice "rofe"-- rose up.

  • And we used to have "raydoh" f-f--

  • like, I think radio.

  • You know, we just sent another "slock rocket."

  • Y-You saw that, right?

  • The stock market.

  • On January 23, "Veneswaylass..."

  • By "Venezwellzso"...

  • "Venezwhalezz."

  • I hope they now go and take a look at the oranges--

  • the oranges of the, uh, uh,

  • investigation, the beginnings.

  • You've really, uh, put a big investment in our country.

  • We appreciate it very much, Tim Apple.

  • More than 2,000 years ago,

  • a brilliant star shone in the "eastwisemen"

  • traveled far, far afield.

  • "Enentheyannouced therewasnobyesno."

  • You know what...

  • To improve this country and "duurrrr" if a government...

  • I have the best words. I have the--

  • But there's no better word than "stupid."

  • Can't wait to see what he comes up with next year.

The 45th president of the United States

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