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  • TONIGHT, SIX STATES HELD THEIR PRIMARIES, INCLUDING ONE OF THE

  • AREAS HARDEST HIT BY THE VIRUS, WASHINGTON STATE.

  • LUCKILY, ALL OF THEIR VOTING IS DONE BY MAIL.

  • BUT THERE IS SOME WORRY THAT THE MAIL-IN VOTES THEMSELVES COULD

  • BE A SOURCE OF CONTAGION, SO THE STATE JUST INTRODUCED THIS

  • ACTUAL NEW SLOGAN ABOUT THEIR BALLOT ENVELOPES:

  • "WHETHER HEALTHY OR SICK, PLEASE DON'T LICK."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YEAH.

  • IT'S BETTER THAN THE LAST ELECTION, WHEN THEY WERE

  • BATTLING AN S.T.D. OUTBREAK WITH THE SLOGAN, "PLEASE DON'T SLURP

  • IF YOU'VE GOT HERP.'" ( LAUGHTER )

  • THAT'S-- THAT'S ACTUALLY TRUE ALL THE TIME.

  • THAT'S GREAT ADVICE.

  • SOUND WISDOM, JEREMIAH.

  • THAT'S NOT ALL THE BIG ELECTION NEWS.

  • I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF:

  • IN >> I BEAT TRUMP!

  • >> CORN POP WAS A BAD DUDE.

  • >> BING, BING, BONG, BONG.

  • >> "FURY ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE: 2020."

  • THE SHOWDOWN TO FIND A PLACE TO SIT DOWN.

  • THE GLOVES OFF.

  • THE DENTURES ARE IN.

  • TWO OLD MEN ENTERS, ONE LEAVES.

  • COME ON, GO!

  • IT'S FURY ROAD!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stepen: I HOPE THEY'RE

  • OKAY.

  • I HOPE THEY'RE OKAY.

  • THE DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY IS DOWN TO JOE BIDEN AND BERNIE SANDERS,

  • AND AS OF TODAY, PROJECTIONS AT fivethirtyeight.com SAY

  • JOE BIDEN'S CHANCES OF WINNING THE NOMINATION ARE 99 OUT

  • OF 100.

  • ( AS BERNIE ) "BETRAYED BY THE 99%!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) WHAT NEXT?

  • ET TU, METAMUCIL?" ( LAUGHTER )

  • OLD MEN NEED FIBER!

  • BUT JOE SEEMS INTENT ON BRINGING DOWN HIS OWN ODDS.

  • TODAY, WHILE CAMPAIGNING IN AN AUTO PLANT IN DETROIT, HE WAS

  • CONFRONTED BY A PRO-GUN VOTER, AND HE DIDN'T HANDLE IT ALL THAT

  • WAY.

  • >> YOU ARE ACTIVELY TRYING TO DIMINISH OUR SECONND AMENDMENT

  • RIGHT AND TAKE AWAY OUR GUNS.

  • >> YOU'RE FULL OF (BLEEP).

  • >> Stephen: WW!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • WOW, JOE, WHAT HAPPENED TO MALARKEY?

  • COME ON, THE LAST THING WE NEED IS ANOTHER PRESIDENT I HAVE TO

  • BLEEP.

  • BIDEN TRIED TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF TO THE VOTER, AND IT ALMOST LED

  • TO FISTICUFFS.

  • >> I SUPPORT THE SECOND AMENDMENT.

  • I'M NOT TAKING YOUR GUN AWAY.

  • AT ALL.

  • YOU NEED 100 ROUNDS-- >> WHEN YOU SAY YOU'RE GONNA

  • TAKE OUR GUNS-- >> I DID NOT SAY THAT.

  • THAT'S NOT-- I DID NOT SAY THAT!

  • >> IT'S A VIRAL VIDEO.

  • THAT'S A VIRAL VIDEO LIKE THE OTHER ONES THEY'RE PUTTING OUT.

  • >> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

  • TAKE YOUR AR-14.

  • >> THIS IS NOT OKAY.

  • >> DON'T TELL ME THAT, PAL, OR I'M GOING TO GO OUT AND SLAP YOU

  • IN THE FACE.

  • >> Stephen: WOW!

  • HE IS THREATENING TO FIGHT A VOTER!

  • WE HAVEN'T SEEN THIS KIND OF ROUGH-AND-TUMBLE CAMPAIGN SINCE

  • WILLIAM HENRY HARRISON'S TIPPECANOE AND NUT-PUNCH TOO!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • BIDEN'S TEAM IS AWARE THAT THE ONLY THING THAT CAN STOP JOE

  • BIDEN NOW IS JOE BIDEN.

  • SO THEY HAVE A BOLD NEW STRATEGY:

  • SHORTER SPEECHES.

  • IN FACT, WE HAVE A PREVIEW OF HIS NEW STUMP SPEECH.

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )

  • >> BARACK OBAMA!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

  • WITH CHARLES BARKLEY.

TONIGHT, SIX STATES HELD THEIR PRIMARIES, INCLUDING ONE OF THE

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