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  • FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST IS THE STAR OF "SONIC THE

  • HEDGEHOG" AND SHOWTIME'S "KIDDING," AND NOW THE CO-AUTHOR

  • OF THE FORTHCOMING NOVEL, "MEMOIRS AND MISINFORMATION."

  • PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW" JIM CARREY!

  • ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪

  • ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪

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  • ( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

  • >> Stephen: JIM CARREY, EVERYBODY!

  • THERE YOU GO!

  • >> OH, MY GOD!

  • >> Stephen: OH, MY GOODNESS.

  • >> WOW!

  • >> Stephen: OH, MY GOODNESS.

  • >> JON BATISTE AND THE STEPHEN COLBERT SECOND PUNCHLINE

  • DANCERS.

  • OH, WOW.

  • >> Stephen: WOW, IT'S SO LOVELY TO HAVE YOU HERE.

  • >> SO GOOD TO BE HERE FINALLY.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH, MY GOD.

  • SO WONDERFUL TO BE HERE.

  • I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

  • AND YOU'VE DONE SUCH AN INCREDIBLE JOB, AND YOUR HEART

  • AND YOUR HEAD ARE SO BEAUTIFULLY INVOLVED WITH ALL THAT'S GOING

  • ON.

  • AND I RESPECT IT, AND I APPRECIATE IT.

  • >> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH.

  • THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME TO

  • HEAR THAT FROM YOU.

  • >> ABSOLUTELY.

  • >> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH.

  • >> YOU'VE BEEN WONDERFUL.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S BEYOND ANYTHING WE REHEARSED.

  • >> NO, IT IS NOT.

  • IT IS KIND OF OUTSIDE.

  • BUT IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME THEY SAY THAT.

  • >> Stephen: WELL, HOW DO YOU FEEL-- WHEN YOU SEE THE WORLD

  • RIGHT NOW, DO YOU FEEL-- I FEEL DREAD SOMETIMES, AND THEN I COME

  • OUT HERE AND I FEEL BETTER WITH THESE PEOPLE TO SHARE.

  • >> I THINK, YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE THING THAT PROVIDES ITS

  • BALANCE, ISN'T IT, YOU KNOW?

  • >> Stephen: >> Stephen: BEING WITH THE

  • PEOPLE?

  • >> YEAH, EXACTLY.

  • IT GIVES US A BREAK FROM THE OBSTREPEROUS BLOVIATING BAG OF

  • FLATULENCE THAT IS TRYING TO TAKE THE SHINY CITY ON THE HILL

  • AND TURN IT INTO A DUTCH OVEN.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW?

  • WE DON'T HAVE TO PULL THE COVERS OVER OUR HEAD AND BREATHE DEEPLY

  • THE AMBROSIA OF EVIL, YOU KNOW?

  • >> Stephen: I LIKE THAT.

  • >> I THINK WE CAN COME HERE AND HAVE A GOOD TIME, YOU KNOW

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WELL, DID YOU--

  • >> DID YOU EVER SEE-- DID YOU EVER SEE THE MASSES OF COMEDY

  • AND TRAGEDY.

  • >> Stephen: YEAH.

  • >> YOU'VE SEEN, THAT YEAH, YEAH.

  • IT'S MORE LIKE... LET'S DO IT TOGETHER.

  • WE'LL BE BOTH.

  • YOU DO THAT, I'LL DO THE OTHER.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) BUT, ACTUALLY --

  • >> Stephen: PUT THAT ON A T-SHIRT.

  • >> THAT'S NICE.

  • >> Stephen: YEAH.

  • >> THE REAL TRUTH OF IT IS BOTH THOSE MASKS ARE TRAGEDY.

  • >> Stephen: OH!

  • >> AND THIS ONE IS JUST IN TOTAL DENIAL.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I WANT TO TALK TO

  • YOU ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT.

  • I DON'T WANT TO GET TOO DEEP HERE.

  • BUT "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG" MOVIE, OKAY--

  • >> THERE YOU GO.

  • >> Stephen: IS COMING OUT.

  • >> YES.

  • >> AND YOU'RE DR. ROBOTNIK.

  • >> LET'S PUT THINGS BACK IN PERSPECTIVE.

  • >> Stephen: KIND OF.

  • I'M ALL FOR "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG" MOVIES.

  • WE ACTUALLY HAVE SONIC UP IN THE DOME TONIGHT.

  • >> WOW!

  • >> Stephen: THERE'S SONIC.

  • >> OH.

  • THAT'S THE YIN.

  • BUTES YES THE YANG?

  • >> Stephen: JIM-- THERE YOU GO.

  • >> OH, THERE YOU GO.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) >> THERE CAN BE NO LIGHT WITHOUT

  • THE DARKNESS!

  • DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

  • IT'S THE WHOLE MESSAGE TONIGHT!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU PLAY

  • DR. ROBOTNIK WHO HAS A 300 I.Q..

  • THAT>> THAT'S RIGHT.

  • I HAD TO DUMB IT DOWN A BIT.

  • YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

  • BUT HE'S A GREAT-- GREAT CHARACTER.

  • HE'S KIND OF LIKE NIRKS IKALOTESLA AFTER A RED BULL.

  • >> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL MUSTACHE.

  • >> THE MUSTACHE WAS A PROBLEM.

  • >> Stephen: DID YOU GROW THAT?

  • >> NO, THAT WAS FROM CENTRAL CASTING, THAT MUSTACHE.

  • NIGHTLY WHIPLASH.

  • >> Stephen: I WAS ABOUT TO SAY.

  • >> THAT MUSTACHE AND I HAD CONSTANTLY ARGUED, YOU KNOW,

  • THROUGH THE WHOLE PRODUCTION.

  • >> Stephen: IF YOU ACTED TOO HARD WOULD IT JUST COME ON?

  • >> EXACTLY.

  • IT WAS HALF OFF.

  • IT WOULD NEVER COME FULLY OFF.

  • IT WOULD COME HALF OFF AND TICKLE MY COSTAR.

  • I DON'T KNOW, VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

  • >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE.

  • YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS CLIP?

  • >> SURE.

  • FIRST OF ALL, IT'S NOT A CLIP.

  • IT'S DIGITAL IN HOLLYWOOD NOW.

  • THERE ARE NO CLIPS.

  • >> Stephen: YOU CAN-- CANNY TELL US WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN

  • IN THIS DIGITAL FILE WE'RE ABOUT TO LOAD UP?

  • >> EXACTLY.

  • IN THIS LINK, THE-- THE PURPOSE OF THIS LINK IS THAT ROBOTNIK

  • MEETS THE HIGHER UP OF THE MILITARY OPERATION, AND HE'S THE

  • SECRET MILITARY OPERATION.

  • HE WANTS TO SHOW THEM WHERE THE REAL POWER IS.

  • >> Stephen: OKAY.

  • >> NOW THAT IS AN EXCELLENT SETUP!

  • >> Stephen: YOU'RE A PRO.

  • NO ONE'S SAYING YOU'RE NOT A PRO.

  • >> OKAY, OKAY.

  • >> Stephen: JIM, LET'S GO TO THE CLOUD.

  • >> ARE YOU IN CHARGE HERE?

  • >> YES I AM.

  • NO!

  • WRONG!

  • I'M IN CHARGE-- >> MAJOR--

  • >> I'M IN CHARGE!

  • YOU NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.

  • THIS IS A TOP BANANA IN A WORLD FULL OF HUNGRY LITTLE MONKEYS.

  • ALLOW ME TO CLARIFY.

  • IN A SEQUENTIALLY RANKED HIERARCHY, THE DISPARITY BETWEEN

  • US IS TOO FAST TO QUANTIFY.

  • >> THE DOCTOR THINKS YOU'RE BASIC.

  • >> I'M INITIATING A SWEEP SEQUENCE.

  • 10 MILES IN EVERY DIRECTION SHOULD SUFFICE.

  • IS HE STILL LOOKING AT ME FUNNY?

  • >> YES, HE IS.

  • >> TELL HIM TO STOP OR I'LL PULL UP HIS SEARCH HISTORY.

  • >> Stephen: NICE.

  • I KNOW I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ON HIS SIDE BUT I'M KIND OF PULLING

  • FOR ROBOTNIK HERE.

  • WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK BECAUSE IT'S TV.

  • >> DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.

  • >> Stephen: WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE JIM CARREY.

  • >> SELL SOME BAD STUFF.

FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST IS THE STAR OF "SONIC THE

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