Name: Delta’s Jet Fuel Dump, Divorce Trial by Combat & Elizabeth Warren’s Handshake Diss | The Daily Show
Uploaded: 2020-03-13T06:50:05.000Z
Duration: 5 min 20 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

out of Los Angeles, where a Delta Air Lines flight

We start with that breaking news from Los Angeles,

after the crew of a China-bound Delta Air Lines jet,

forced to return to LAX after losing an engine,

dumped fuel as it passed just a few thousand feet

NEWSMAN: The Boeing 777 with 164 people aboard

headed to Shanghai, China, was airborne only minutes

Streams of fuel poured over three local schools,

Yeah. This is also probably how God punishes you

no one in the schools was seriously hurt,

but I-I like to imagine that there was one rebel kid

sneaking out behind the school to smoke a cigarette. Yeah.

And his friend was like, "No, Mike, cigarettes are dangerous."

Now, now, in case you're wondering why the schools,

in the pilot's defense, they had to dump the fuel

because it's a Boeing, so it makes sense.

But... But, like, did they have to dump it over the schools?

It almost feels personal, right? Like, three schools.

You know? It's almost like one of the pilots

went to those schools, and his copilot was like,

"Let's dump the fuel over this vacant lot."

He was like, "No, no, I got the perfect place.

All right, let's move on, though, to some legal news.

that no one realizes are still in effect,

to let him settle a dispute with his ex-wife

David Ostrom asked the Shelby County court

In those documents, Ostrom argues trial by combat

Wow. When this couple said, "Till death do us part,"

because getting divorced is already hard enough.

You know, usually it's like, "Oh, my ex is so annoying.

He wants the kids this weekend, and we agreed..."

And now it's like, "Oh, my ex is so annoying.

"He won't stop texting me about how I only have

And by the way, how crazy is it that people are like,

"Well, trial by combat was never explicitly banned,

Like, how backlogged is America's legal system, right?

for something like reparations, you know?

'Cause think about it. It's like, "Yeah, I'm sorry.

I will say this, though. I will say this.

This is a great loophole if you just want to murder someone.

is stealing your lunch out of the fridge,

And then everyone in the office has to be like,

"Goddamn, Jerry lost the shit out of that duel."

And finally, last night's Democratic debate

Onetime allies Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren,

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Delta’s Jet Fuel Dump, Divorce Trial by Combat & Elizabeth Warren’s Handshake Diss | The Daily Show

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