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  • Coffee.

  • It's the drink you have when you're sleepy

  • so you can poop yourself awake.

  • (laughter)

  • But one coffee company is in trouble

  • for how they get that coffee to you.

  • The famous pitch man for a coffee giant, George Clooney,

  • is speaking out after that company was linked

  • to a child labor scandal.

  • MAN 2: As Nespresso's brand ambassador,

  • George Clooney has been the face of the company.

  • Now he's using his voice

  • to say he's surprised and saddened

  • by child labor allegations raised

  • against suppliers to the coffee maker.

  • Clooney is already responding,

  • saying that progress has been made, but

  • "Clearly the board and this company still have work to do.

  • And that work will be done."

  • Yes, Nespresso has been accused

  • of using child labor to make their coffee,

  • which is disappointing, but, also, not shocking.

  • I mean, why else would those cups be so tiny?

  • -I mean, those aren't being made by adults. -(laughter)

  • And I'll be honest, this story really made me angry,

  • because I hate child labor.

  • One-- because it exploits children,

  • and two-- because if a kid messes up on the job,

  • you can't get mad at them.

  • Yeah. You're gonna look like an asshole.

  • There's no accountability. Yeah, the kid is just like,

  • "I was supposed to do a liver transplant,

  • but instead, by mistakes, I took your kidney."

  • (laughter)

  • And then you just have to be like, "What?!

  • "I-I guess you did your best. Okay.

  • All right, Dr. Kid."

  • And by the way, it's funny how the news seems to care more

  • about what George Clooney has to say about the scandal

  • than the actual CEO of Nespresso, right?

  • 'Cause like, "George Clooney said this."

  • Like, yeah, where's the boss of Nespresso?

  • It would be like if we found out

  • that McDonald's was serving poison beef,

  • and the CEO was like, "Let me explain."

  • And you're like, "Shut up! Where's Ronald?

  • -We want to talk to Ronald!" -(laughter)

  • All right, moving on to some good news from Afghanistan,

  • -a phrase no one has ever said. -(laughter)

  • America's never-ending war with the Taliban

  • might finally be coming to an end.

  • America's longest running war could finally come to an end.

  • Over the weekend, the United States signed a deal

  • with the Taliban to end the nearly two-decade conflict

  • that gripped Afghanistan in the aftermath

  • of the 9/11 attacks

  • and the subsequent U.S. invasion of the country.

  • The agreement lays out a time table

  • for the full withdrawal of U.S. and coalition troops

  • from Afghanistan within 14 months.

  • In exchange, the Taliban agreed

  • that it would not allow Afghan territory to be used

  • by any groups or individuals to plot future attacks

  • against the United States and its allies.

  • This is a big deal.

  • The United States and the Taliban might have a deal.

  • And this is huge. Besides Taylor Swift and Katy Perry,

  • this might be the biggest peace agreement of the century.

  • It's huge.

  • And after 20 years and two trillion dollars,

  • you have to admit, that's a lot of lowered expectations. Yeah?

  • No, 'cause America went in to Afghanistan like,

  • "We're taking out the Taliban

  • "and bringing in Western democracy

  • no matter how long it takes!"

  • And now America's like, "Uh, we're-we're gonna leave.

  • Um, just, like, don't do another 9/11, okay?"

  • (laughter)

  • Now, the deal hasn't been concluded yet,

  • because there are still some things

  • that need to be worked out, which makes sense.

  • 'Cause if you think about it,

  • these two countries have been entwined

  • in a 20-year relationship, all right?

  • We all know it's hard to walk away

  • when you've spent that much time together.

  • So, America, let me...

  • let me give you some relationship tips.

  • (laughter, whooping)

  • First of all, America,

  • let me just say I'm-I'm proud of you.

  • You've realized that you're in a toxic relationship

  • with Afghanistan and... and you're ready to get out.

  • Now I want to warn you, for a while,

  • there's-there's gonna be a part of you that wants to go back

  • and bum them in the middle of the night,

  • but you stay strong.

  • And you remember, no matter what you think now,

  • there are plenty of other Middle Eastern countries

  • out there for you.

  • (cheers and applause)

  • And finally,

  • in some local news close to my heart,

  • New York City is saying farewell to one of its oldest residents.

  • New York City is hanging it up,

  • removing the last remaining pay phones from the streets.

  • City workers will remove 30 pay phones

  • in Hell's Kitchen alone by the end of March,

  • then rip out about 3,000 more pay phones

  • across the five boroughs.

  • Did you know there were that many left?

  • Yeah, this is a sad day for New Yorkers.

  • After so many decades, soon,

  • we will no longer have the pay phone, which means

  • we'll have to find somewhere else to get hepatitis.

  • -(laughter) -And... and, look, I know...

  • I know we don't need pay phones anymore,

  • but they were such a big part of the landscape for so long.

  • You know? You could count on them

  • if you locked yourself out of your apartment, or...

  • or if you needed to call the mafia, and...

  • And, also, like, like, Superman. You know, like, pay phones.

  • It was cool when he changed in a phone booth.

  • Those are things that are gone.

  • Although, actually, now that I think about it,

  • he didn't have to use that.

  • He could have just flown home and changed.

  • (laughter)

  • Now that I think about it, I feel like

  • Superman was just, like, a secret exhibitionist.

  • You know, he was...

  • Yeah, he was just changing in the phone booth

  • because he got excited that someone might catch him.

  • He was just... You know?

  • He was just like, "Oh, no, you-you saw me naked.

  • "Oh. Oh, man.

  • "Now you're gonna tell everyone, 'Big Dick Superman.'

  • Oh, I hope they don't call me that."

  • It's like, "Get out of here, Superman, you pervert!"

  • "Okay, okay, I go... I've got to go

  • "and save a bunch of kids making tiny coffee cups. (laughs)

  • One last look? Okay, got to go."

Coffee.

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Nespresso Controversy, Taliban Agreement & New York Pay Phone Removal | The Daily Show

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/03/12
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