ADMITTED TO ACCIDENTALLY SHOOTING DOWN A UKRAINIAN

PASSENGER JET.

IN PROTEST, IRANIANS HAVE TAKEN TO THE STREETS TO EXPRESS

THEIR OUTRAGE AT BOTH THE DOWNING AND THE LYING ABOUT IT.

TO SUPPORT THE PROTESTERS, TRUMP TWEETED IN BOTH ENGLISH AND

FARSI, "TO THE LEADERS OF IRAN-- DO NOT KILL YOUR PROTESTERS.

THOUSANDS HAVE ALREADY BEEN KILLED OR IMPRISONED BY YOU, AND

THE WORLD IS WATCHING.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, THE U.S.A. IS WATCHING.

TURN YOUR INTERNET BACK ON AND LET REPORTERS ROAM FREE!"

(AS TRUMP) IT'S SO TRUE, REPORTERS DESERVE

TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT, WHETHER THEY'RE FROM THE FAILING

"NEW YORK TIMES" OR TH THE FAKE NEWS CNN, THEY SHOULD BE ALLOWED

TO ROAM FREE, GIVE THEM A 30 MINUTE HEAD START AND LET DON,

JR. HUNT THEM.

( APPLAUSE ) DEMOCRATS HAVE BEEN CRITICAL OF

TRUMP'S FAILURE TO PROVIDE EVIDENCE OF AN IMMINENT ATTACK,

SO, IN RESPONSE, THE PRESIDENT RE-TWEETED THIS PHOTOSHOP OF

CHUCK SCHUMER AND NANCY PELOSI IN A TURBAN AND HIJAB WITH THE

CAPTION, "THE CORRUPTED DEMS TRYING THEIR BEST TO COME TO THE

AYATOLLAH'S RESCUE."

THAT TWEET IS LAZY, WRAPPED IN DISHONEST, STUFFED INSIDE

RACIST.

IT IS A TRUMP-DUCKEN.

( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, TRUMP'S AS ANXIOUS AS

THE REST OF US TO FIND OUT WHO'LL BE THE DEMOCRATIC

NOMINEE-- HE'S GOT HIS PHOTOSHOP TEAM STANDING BY WITH A TURBAN.

I'LL TELL YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S FIRST-EVER

INSTALLMENT OF: ♪

♪ >> A PROGRESSIVE AGENDA.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME.

IT'S CRAZY!

>> "FURY ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE."

2020!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL.

BEAUTIFUL.

( APPLAUSE ) OH, I KNOW.

OH, I KNOW.

TODAY WE GOT SOME NEWS FROM NEW JERSEY SENATOR CORY BOOKER, SEEN

HERE GETTING PICKED LAST FOR KICKBALL.

( LAUGHTER ) THIS MORNING, BOOKER SHARED THIS

VIDEO.

>> OURS IS THE STORY OF THE FAITH WE HAVE HAD IN ONE

ANOTHER.

WE KNOW BEATING DONALD TRUMP IS THE FLOOR, IT IS NOT THE

CEILING.

IT GETS US OUT OF A VALLEY; IT DOES NOT GET US TO THE

MOUNTAINTOP.

>> STEPHEN: THAT IS SOME INSPIRING RHETORIC.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE NEED TO STOP IGNORING CORY BOOKER AND GET BEHIND HIS-- I'M

SORRY, THERE'S MORE?

>> WE NEED ALL DEMOCRATS TOGETHER TO CALL TO THIS COUNTRY

TO STAND TOGETHER, TO WORK TOGETHER, TO RISE TOGETHER!"

TODAY I'M SUSPENDING MY CAMPAIGN FOR PRESIDENT.

>> STEPHEN: WE NEED TO STAND TOGETHER, WORK TOGETHER, RISE

TOGETHER, SIT BACK DOWN TOGETHER, AND QUIT ALONE.

( LAUGHTER ) BOOKER'S DEPARTURE MADE A MARK

ON ONE ELDERLY WHITE VOTER: "REALLY BIG BREAKING

NEWS--KIDDING-- BOOKER WHO WAS IN ZERO POLLING TERRITORY JUST

DROPPED OUT OF THE DEMOCRAT PRESIDENTIAL

PRIMARY RACE.

NOW I CAN REST EASY TONIGHT.

I WAS SOOO CONCERNED THAT I WOULD SOMEDAY HAVE TO GO HEAD TO

HEAD WITH HIM!" ( BOOING )

THAT'S A JERKY THING TO SAY.

TRUMP'S JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE CORY BOOKER DID SOMETHING TRUMP

COULD NEVER DO: ADMIT HE'S BALD.

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

( PIANO RIFF ) BOOKER WASN'T THE ONLY DEMOCRAT

TO END HIS CAMPAIGN.

BECAUSE ON FRIDAY, "MARIANNE WILLIAMSON DROPPED OUT OF THE

2020 RACE."

OR DID SHE IN FACT DROP IN TO A DIFFERENT RACE IN A PARALLEL

DIMENSION?

THIS COMES TO QUITE A BLOW TO --

( LAUGHTER ) THIS COMES AS QUITE A BLOW TO

HER PROBABLE RUNNING MATE: WIND CHIMES.

( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )

SO THE DEMOCRATIC FIELD HAS NARROWED.

LET'S SAY GOODBYE, FIRST, TO MARIANNE WILLIAMSON.

( PIANO RIFF ) AND A FOND FAREWELL TO NEW

JERSEY'S CORY BOOKER.

( HONKING ) LOOKS LIKE HE'S CAUGHT ON THE

TURNPIKE.

YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT FOR THE AIRPORT AN HOUR AGO, CORY!

OH, YOU'RE SO SCREWED.

OH, HE'S NEVER GOING TO GET THERE!

GET OFF!

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

NO.

NO.

NO.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NO.

THE CANDIDATES WHO ARE STILL IN THE RACE WILL BE FIGHTING IT OUT

TOMORROW AT THE DEMOCRATIC DEBATE, AND WE WILL BE ON THE

AIR RIGHT AFTERWARD, LIVE!

TUNE IN TO WATCH ME STAY UP PAST MY BEDTIME, AND TRY NOT TO

SWEAR.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE DEBATE IS IN IOWA, WHERE

BERNIE SANDERS IS ENJOYING A LATE SURGE.

AND TRUMP HAS NOTICED, TWEETING "WOW!

CRAZY BERNIE SANDERS IS SURGING IN THE POLLS, LOOKING VERY GOOD

AGAINST HIS OPPONENTS IN THE DO NOTHING PARTY.

SO WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?

STAY TUNED!" "SO WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?

STAY TUNED?" THAT'S HOW CABLE NEWS THROWS TO

A COMMERCIAL.

IS TRUMP JUST LIVE-TWEETING WHATEVER'S ON TV?

(AS TRUMP) "MORE FOX AND FRIENDS AFTER THE

BREAK.

AND NOW A LITTLE ENGLISH LIZARD IS TELLING ME TO BUY CAR

INSURANCE."

( LAUGHTER ) WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

TONIGHT!

JOE SCARBOROUGH AND MIKA BRZEZINSKI ARE HERE, AND WHEN WE

RETURN GOOP HAS A NEW TV SHOW!

STICK AROUND!