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  • As tensions rise between America and Iran,

  • there's a lot of so-called experts

  • trying to make sense of this chaotic moment.

  • But if you want a clear, informed analysis,

  • then you have to turn to more reliable journalists:

  • the Daily Show news team.

  • Joining us by satellite, please welcome Michael Kosta,

  • Roy Wood Jr. and Desi Lydic, everybody.

  • (cheering and applause)

  • Let's, uh, let's start with Desi,

  • who's actually in Iran right now.

  • Desi, President Trump says he wants peace,

  • yet his attack on General Soleimani

  • clearly escalates the likelihood of a conflict.

  • How does that make sense?

  • Uh, Trevor, it makes perfect sense.

  • If you want to reduce tension with a country,

  • you kill their top general

  • and threaten their entire way of life as they know it.

  • Boom. Situation deescalated.

  • Uh, Desi, that doesn't make sense.

  • -How does it deescalate things? -Uh, all right.

  • Okay, it's like if some woman wanted to fight you in a bar.

  • You have to stay calm, pour your drink on that bitch

  • and kiss her husband on the tongue.

  • Situation deescalated.

  • (laughter and applause)

  • I-I don't think that's right, Desi.

  • I mean, if-if someone kissed your husband...

  • Who the (bleep) kissed my husband, huh?

  • Tell me. I will hit them back so hard

  • without thinking it over for one second.

  • NOAH: Well, this is what I'm talking about.

  • Iran has vowed to get revenge

  • for the killing of General Soleimani.

  • So if they retaliate, what happens next?

  • Well, then we deescalate even harder

  • until all life itself has been deescalated from this planet,

  • especially that bitch who kissed my husband.

  • -Was it Carol? -It-It's... It's not...

  • Let's move on. Let's move on to Roy Wood Jr.,

  • who's at the White House right now.

  • Roy, please help us understand the timing around the attack,

  • because officials are saying

  • Soleimani was both a long-term target,

  • and he's also an imminent threat.

  • So why now?

  • Trevor, you are blind,

  • and not in the cool Stevie Wonder kind of way.

  • This isn't about Iran.

  • This is a classic diversionary tactic

  • where a leader goes to war

  • in order to distract the population from domestic strife.

  • Because, remember, there's another big problem

  • Trump wants everyone to forget about back home.

  • Oh, of course. His impeachment.

  • No, (bleep), that movie Cats.

  • Have you seen this shit?

  • It was an international embarrassment,

  • the likes from which this country may never recover.

  • They all had human hands.

  • All the cats had human hands, and some of them cats was sexy.

  • I didn't even want them to be sexy.

  • I got a cat at the house,

  • and now I can't look him in the eyes.

  • His paws are so soft. They're just...

  • -Mm! -Roy, Roy, Roy.

  • I don't think Cats is such a disaster

  • that Trump would start a war over it.

  • Oh, really?

  • Look what they did to my boy Idris Elba.

  • (laughter)

  • He was supposed to be the next James Bond.

  • Now he's a cat pimp.

  • And why's he wearing a fur coat? He's a cat.

  • -He's already got fur, Trevor. -O-Okay, Roy.

  • You're obviously going through your own crisis.

  • Let's move on to Michael Kosta, who's in Iraq right now.

  • Michael, this feels reminiscent

  • of the Iraq War, right?

  • Going into Iran feels like a similar move.

  • -Bad leadership, no exit strategy. -Mm-hmm.

  • What do you think about a potential war with Iran?

  • Trevor, it's a great idea.

  • And let me tell you about America.

  • Americans have great ideas.

  • Like, for example, just now my phone charger snapped off

  • into this electrical outlet.

  • You as a South African

  • would probably just buy another phone charger,

  • but me as an American?

  • I came up with a great idea.

  • I'm gonna get it out with these metal tweezers.

  • M-Michael, that-that sounds like a really bad idea.

  • You don't tell me what's a bad...

  • Oh, shit! Goddamn it! Aah!

  • Anyway, Trevor,

  • the-the war with Iran couldn't be easier.

  • We go in, we're greeted as liberators,

  • and we all get free oil for life.

  • Oh, shit in a Waffle House! God!

  • Kosta, Kosta, Kosta, are-are you sure?

  • I mean, the last time

  • America's military got involved in that region,

  • it was one of the greatest mistakes in modern U.S. history.

  • Well, Trevor, we're a country

  • that learns from its mistakes.

  • Aah! Piss in an IHOP!

  • Man, that's hurting!

  • But the point is we're not gonna fall into the same trap, okay?

  • We're just too smart for that.

  • Oh, in a Cheesecake Factory!

  • -NOAH: I-I'm sorry, I... -LYDIC: I'm sorry.

  • Can I just get us back on track here?

  • Yes. Desi, thank you so much. Some logic, please.

  • Look, I think we're missing

  • what's at the heart of this issue.

  • The real question is

  • who's the bitch who kissed my husband?!

  • You know what, we're out of time.

  • Desi Lydic, Roy Wood Jr., Michael Kosta, everybody!

As tensions rise between America and Iran,

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