Name: NASA Wants Astronauts, Hot Pockets Heiress Sentenced & Scotland Gets Free Tampons | The Daily Show
Uploaded: 2020-03-11T18:30:27.000Z
Duration: 5 min 1 s
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America's most expensive way of collecting rocks.

The second conditional

If you wanted to be an astronaut when you were a little kid,

first of all, congratulations on being basic.

And secondly, this may be your big chance.

NEWSMAN: The odds of being selected are pretty low.

So, if you think you've got what it takes

to survive not just the neutral buoyancy pool

well, the next astronaut class opens up on Monday.

Thank God this guy is covering NASA and not a tornado.

But yes, NASA is looking for new astronauts.

But you can only apply if you have a master's degree

Basically, you have to be an athletic nerd,

That would be like Neil deGrasse Mike Tyson.

One: you need to know how to walk in slow motion.

That's all you need. You know who NASA should hire?

"I see you aren't afraid of taking risks.

one big parent got the biggest sentence yet.

is heading to prison after a judge handed down

the harshest sentence yet in the college admission scandal.

She understands the harm that her choices caused.

NEWSMAN: Michelle Janavs sentenced to five months

to paying bribes to get her two daughters

By the way, can we admit "Hot Pockets heiress"

is a very weird phrase that is somehow both trashy

and extremely upper-class at the same time.

"Introducing the archduchess of scratch-off lottery tickets."

"Oh, five months doesn't seem like a long time in prison."

But it really is, especially if you're a rich white woman.

your book club has moved on to a totally new book.

you'll completely miss pumpkin spice season.

will have completely forgotten who you are. Yeah.

The woman the nanny gives you to on the weekends. Remember?"

she might come out of prison with all new ideas

for fillings for Hot Pockets, you know? Yeah.

"All right, guys. Forget that ham and cheese shit.

"We're doing toilet wine and cigarettes. Come on.

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NASA Wants Astronauts, Hot Pockets Heiress Sentenced & Scotland Gets Free Tampons | The Daily Show

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