Name: Pedro Gonzalez Is Trying To Get Back To His Country
Uploaded: 2020-03-11T17:30:46.000Z
Duration: 5 min 51 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK.

Adverbs of manner

FOLKS, NEXT GUEST IS A STAND-UP COMEDIAN ORIGINALLY FROM BOGOTA,

I AM THE FIFTH PEDRO GONZALEZ IN MY FAMILY.

BUT I AM THE FIRST ONE WHO GETS TO SPEAK INTO A MICROPHONE

WHEN I WAS BORN, MY MOM WAS 16, AND MY DAD WAS 26.

SO I AM MY MOM'S FIRSTBORN, AND MY DAD'S FIRST FELONY.

SO WHEN I WAS A CHILD MIERK MOM WOULD MASSAGE MY NOSE EVERY

NIGHT FOR FIVE MINUTES TO MAKE IT STRAIGHT.

SO, LIKE, IF YOU GET REALLY, REALLY, REALLY CLOSE TO ME AND

YOU LOOK, YOU'LL SEE I HAVE A VERY LITTLE SELF-ESTEEM.

WHEN I WAS GROWING UP IN COLOMBIA, THEY DID A COLOMBIAN

VERSION OF "WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?"

BUT THEY FORGOT MILLIONS AND PESOS AND DOLLARS IS VERY

SO THE FIRST CONTESTANT THEY EVER HAD, WON 300,000 MILLION

THE NEXT DAY THEY HAD TO CHANGE THE NAME OF THE GAME TO, "WHO

WANTS TO GET KIDNAPPED RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW?"

I THINK MUSIC CREATES MEMORIES THAT YOU NEVER FORGET, LIKE THE

LIKE, DO YOU GUYS, FOR EXAMPLE, REMEMBER THE EXACT SONG THAT WAS

PLAYING THE MOMENT WHEN YOU LOST YOUR... NIECE AT THE MALL?

I GOT A MASTERS IN LITERATURE WHEN I WAS ONLY 22.

BUT BECAUSE I WAS SO IMMATURE, I MADE A MISTAKE.

BUT IT WAS A COMMUNITY COLLEGE, AND SHE WAS 47.

SHE DIDN'T BREAK THE LAW, BUT SHE BROKE MY HEART.

A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK ONLINE DATING IS WEIRD, BUT TO ME

ONLINE DATING IS JUST LIKE LOOKING FOR A JOB ON THE

I SEND OUT 100 APPLICATIONS, AND NOBODY REPLIES BECAUSE MY NAME

AND THE FIRST THING THAT WOMEN POST ONLINE IS THEY WON'T EVEN

GO ON A DATE WITH YOU IF YOU'RE BELOW SIX FEET.

IT'S LIKE, HAVE YOU LADIES NOT READ ABOUT THE ONLINE DATING

KILLER IN THE NEWS LAST WEEK-- SIX FOOT, SUPER JACKED.

IT'S SO DANGEROUS TO GO OUT WITH A GUY LIKE THAT.

I STARTED USING THAT TO MY ADVANTAGE AND POSTING MY HEIGHT

AND WEIGHT-- 5'8", 145 POUNDS, AND TOO WEAK TO STRANGLE ANYONE.

EVER SINCE I MOVED TO THE UNITED STATES, I'VE ONLY DATED WHITE

YOU DON'T LIKE US?" I SAID, "NO, I'M SO BLAND, YOU

WHITE WOMEN ARE THE ONLY ONES I CAN TRICK INTO THINKING I HAVE

I'M LIKE THE WHICH CHIPOTLE OF D JUST CHEDDAR, REALLY.

SHE HAD THIS BEAUTIFUL APARTMENT IN MIDTOWN MANHATTAN THEY MOVED

THE FIRST TIME I MOVED IT, I HAD TO MEET HER FATHER.

HHE SAID, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU, I DON'T LIKE HISPANICS

BECAUSE YOU COME TO THIS COUNTRY AND LIVE OFF THE GOVERNMENT.

I SAID, SIR, I'LL YOU HAVE KNOW I'M HISPANIC AND I DON'T LIVE

I WAS TRYING TO CATCH A CONNECTION TO GO HOME, AND I WAS

SO I GOT INTO ONE OF THE MOVING WALKWAYS AND STARTING TAPPING

I TAPPED THIS BIG GUY AND HE DIDN'T LIKE IT.

HE SAID, "IT'S CROILDED BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU, GO BACK TO

AND I SAID, "THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO, BUT YOU'RE

AND HE SAID, "I'LL HELP YOU GET UP THERE."

Subtitles ListPlay Video

Pedro Gonzalez Is Trying To Get Back To His Country

weird

episode

esteem

trick