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  • -Well, my new poll numbers are in, and it's not looking good.

  • There's only one thing left to do --

  • make cold calls to normal, everyday Americans

  • and try to win back their support.

  • [ Line ringing ]

  • Congratulations, you're speaking to Donald Trump.

  • I'm calling undecided voters

  • who are way less rich and way less successful than me.

  • What poor loser am I speaking to?

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Mike Bloomberg.

  • -Wait a second.

  • The Michael Bloomberg of Bloomberg News and Bloomberg TV?

  • -That's right.

  • -And "Bloomberg Med" and "Chicago Bloomberg"

  • and "Bloomberg 3: Tokyo Drift"?

  • -Sure, Donald. -Well, this is fantastic.

  • I was gonna ask you for your vote,

  • but now that I have you on the phone,

  • how about I just ask you some questions like an interview?

  • Even a stable genius like me would like to pick

  • Mike Bloomberg's very smart, very huge brain.

  • -You know I'm running against you, right?

  • -Like I said -- very dumb brain.

  • It's a teeny-tiny, very small brain.

  • Okay, let's get started --

  • Why exactly are you running for president?

  • -Well, I've joined the race

  • to return our country to sanity and honesty...

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • ...so we can be proud of America again,

  • and step one is giving you a New York goodbye.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

  • What's a New York goodbye?

  • -Sending you back to Queens in a Yellow Cab

  • while Times Square Elmo flips you off.

  • [ Laughter, cheers and applause ]

  • -Wow. That's very mean, Mike. Very mean. Very nasty.

  • Very nasty. Very nasty answer.

  • Didn't expect that from you. Very, very nasty.

  • Next question -- What makes you think

  • you'd be a better president than me?

  • And you can't cheat and use facts.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Well, let's see -- I'm a self-made businessman,

  • a proven leader, and a New York icon,

  • whereas you just play those things on TV.

  • [ Laughter, cheers and applause ]

  • Plus, I was mayor of the greatest city in America

  • with the greatest audience in the world.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Well, I do love New York City mayors.

  • I even keep one as a pet. Good boy.

  • Good boy. Good boy.

  • But, anyway, this is the big leagues, Mike,

  • the bigly big leagues, so let me ask --

  • What would you do if you got to sit where I'm sitting?

  • -Well, first, I'd wipe the KFC grease off the seat...

  • [ Laughter ]

  • ...maybe take some of those Kid Rock posters off the walls,

  • and then I'd tackle key issues like climate change

  • and gun safety and income inequality...

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • ...which would mean raising taxes on billionaires.

  • -Wait. I'm gonna have to pay more in taxes?

  • -No, I said billionaires.

  • [ Laughter, cheers and applause ]

  • -That was a low blow, Mike.

  • I'm actually a very successful person just like you.

  • I've created and run many beautiful businesses,

  • and none of them have failed...

  • besides the casinos.

  • -And the university? -Oh, yeah.

  • -And the magazine. -That's right.

  • -And the steaks. -Uh-huh.

  • -And the water. -Forgot about that one.

  • -And the board game. -I did that?

  • -And the vodka. -Pour one out.

  • -And the airline. -Okay! Okay! Okay!

  • Let's change the subject! I don't like this.

  • I don't like this game.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Here's one more very perfect, very important question --

  • Are you watching the Super Bowl this weekend?

  • -Yes, I am. Actually, I have a 60-second commercial

  • airing during the game.

  • -Really? Me, too. What's yours about?

  • -It's about an important issue facing our country right now

  • and how I can use my experience as a mayor and business leader

  • to bring America forward.

  • -Cool.

  • In my commercial, I get really angry, then I eat a Snickers bar

  • and turn into Betty White.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Well, it's been a fun interview, "Mini" Mike.

  • That's my nickname for you, by the way, Mini Mike.

  • Do you have any nicknames for me?

  • -Well, usually, I just call you that [bleep].

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Stop that! I've heard enough.

  • I've heard enough.

  • I guess you learn a lot of colorful words in New York City.

  • Rudy! No! Rudy!

  • I got to go, Mike. Rudy just peed on the carpet.

  • No, Rudy! Bad boy! Rudy!

-Well, my new poll numbers are in, and it's not looking good.

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Donald Trump Cold-Calls Michael Bloomberg

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/03/11
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