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  • President Trump wasn't the only person

  • giving a speech tonight.

  • After he finished his State of the Union,

  • Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer

  • gave the Democrats' response speech in English.

  • Texas representative Veronica Escobar

  • gave the Democrats' response in Spanish.

  • And then Beto O'Rourke gave the speech

  • in Spanish again but much worse.

  • And, as you know,

  • we here at The Daily Show have our own annual response

  • where we cover the issues

  • that are of special importance to black America.

  • So, please rise--

  • but not really, you can just clap--

  • as Roy Wood Jr. delivers

  • The Daily Show's annual State of the Black Shit address.

  • -♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)

  • Good evening, black people,

  • African Americans, people of color

  • and really tan Italian people.

  • I'm Roy Wood Jr., and I'm coming to you

  • from one of America's blackest places:

  • a Popeyes in St. Louis

  • owned by Cedric the Entertainer.

  • Tonight, we black people are gathered here

  • to once again ask ourselves the question,

  • where we is?

  • Now, we can't deny

  • we had some setbacks in 2019.

  • Let's start with this presidential race.

  • All of our black candidates are gone.

  • Kamala, gone. Cory, gone.

  • Deval Patrick.

  • Come on, he basically...

  • Right now the blackest person in the race

  • is Andrew Yang.

  • And no. And no,

  • he is not related to the Ying Yang Twins.

  • I made that same mistake.

  • But by campaigning

  • on giving all Americans $1,000 a month,

  • Yang is doing one of the blackest things:

  • promising to hook everybody up before he even got the damn job.

  • (laughter and applause)

  • Y'all know how we do.

  • (cheering and applause)

  • That is how we do.

  • One time, I applied for a job at Best Buy.

  • I texted half of Birmingham.

  • I was like, "Hey, who want a Blu-ray of Frozen?

  • It's on me."

  • Now, of course,

  • one of black America's biggest setbacks

  • happened at the beginning of 2019.

  • The infamous case of Jussie Smollett.

  • What the hell was that boy doing?

  • I don't know what's more messed up,

  • a black man faking a hate crime

  • or the fact that he went out at 2:00 a.m.

  • to go eat at Subway.

  • Jussie, you're black.

  • Make yourself a syrup sandwich and go back to bed.

  • But-but 2019 wasn't all bad.

  • As usual, black excellence overflowed

  • in the world of entertainment.

  • Tyler Perry opened

  • one of the largest movie studios in the country.

  • Spike Lee won his first Oscar.

  • Billy Porter won an Emmy

  • and every red carpet he walked on.

  • -(cheering and applause) -And, of course...

  • And, of course, Lil Nas X.

  • That boy made the biggest country hit of the year.

  • That's right, we finally got one.

  • We got us a country hit.

  • This-this must be how white people felt

  • when Vanilla Ice came out.

  • (laughter and applause)

  • And...

  • Let's also not forget about Lizzo.

  • -(cheering and applause) -She sang,

  • she rapped, she twerked, and she did the unthinkable.

  • She made playing the flute black as hell.

  • That's how good Lizzo is.

  • Lizzo can turn any white thing into a black thing.

  • I bet you on her next album,

  • she just gonna be speaking to a manager at the Gap.

  • (laughter)

  • In sports...

  • In sports, we celebrate Super Bowl MVP Patrick Mahomes,

  • whose last-minute comeback propelled him to victory

  • against the San Francisco 49ers.

  • And yes, I know. Everybody keep reminding you

  • that Patrick Mahomes is half white.

  • But it must have been his black side that won the game

  • because it showed up late in the fourth quarter.

  • (cheering and applause)

  • We also...

  • We also congratulate sister Meghan Markle,

  • who made history by telling the royal family

  • to shove that crown up their ass.

  • (cheering and applause)

  • We say thank you.

  • We say thank you to Ms. Markle.

  • America is now 2-0 versus the British Empire.

  • That's what you get.

  • That's what you get for that Stamp Act, bitches.

  • And we stole Idris Elba.

  • This brings me to the future of black shit.

  • What's in store for us in the year 2020.

  • This year, we're gonna be supporting black businesses,

  • cheering on sister Simone Biles at the Olympics

  • and going to political rallies in record numbers

  • to support our candidates.

  • But mostly just to see if Obama show up 'cause we miss him.

  • I-I...

  • So, black citizens,

  • when you ask the question, "Where we is?"

  • I stand here to say to you all

  • the state of black shit is, ooh, goddamn!

  • God bless you all,

  • God bless black people,

  • and God bless the series finale of Power on Starz!

  • I got to go. My sandwich is ready.

  • -Good night! -(cheering and applause)

  • Roy Wood Jr., everybody.

President Trump wasn't the only person

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