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  • Is it all right to eat?

  • Well, we do this.

  • Uh, no.

  • Anyone ever told you You look like a Giants fan?

  • Has anyone ever died from doing this?

  • Is your name Jim Gaffigan?

  • Yes.

  • Are you a stand up comedian?

  • Yes.

  • No, Be sad if I was like, Do you have the flop sweats right now?

  • No, No, I just I always look like sweating.

  • You know what I mean?

  • Well calibrated.

  • Let's begin.

  • Yes.

  • Let's start with your life.

  • I've had one.

  • Not lately, but so you've lived in New York City for the past 30 years.

  • Is that right?

  • I have.

  • Would you consider yourself a coastal elite?

  • No, I do not.

  • Were you the youngest of six Children?

  • From what I can?

  • Yes.

  • Would you say that you have youngest child syndrome?

  • Um, I don't even know what that is.

  • Do you ever feel for gotten among such a big family?

  • Uh, I don't think Well, one time there was like a tornado, and everyone in my family went to the basement to hide from the tornado and they forgot to wake me up.

  • So deceptive.

  • Why would I lie about that?

  • We're going to come in and lie about a tornado.

  • All right.

  • I saw it in a movie.

  • I mean, I didn't it happen in the movie.

  • And you have five kids of your own now.

  • Are you equally close with all of them?

  • Yes.

  • Do you know how you would rank your kids from least two?

  • Most favorite, I view them equally.

  • So you have five kit.

  • I have five.

  • And your parents had six?

  • Yes.

  • Does it bother you that your parents were better at having kids than you?

  • Uh, no.

  • Deceptive.

  • What?

  • But that's ridiculous.

  • I'm not competing with my parents.

  • They started earlier.

  • He graduated from Georgetown with a degree in finance.

  • Correct.

  • As a result of this, Are you responsible with your money?

  • Uh, yeah, yeah, sure.

  • Do you own any crypto currency?

  • Don't Don't Bitcoin No.

  • Does coin does?

  • Cliff?

  • I think I broke this.

  • Does it matter now?

  • It's fine.

  • Does coin Now, would you say we're about to hit another recession?

  • Yes.

  • Good to know.

  • You know, next, let's talk about your career.

  • You moved to New York to pursue comedy?

  • Um, not initially, but yes.

  • In the back of my mind, I was thinking and David Letterman have a big influence on that?

  • I think so.

  • Is it true you auditioned for his show for six years before you got on?

  • That is true this trip.

  • Does that mean you resent David?

  • No.

  • Yeah.

  • Did you know that in 2016 you were the most popular comic on pandora dot com?

  • Uh, I think I think I had heard that.

  • Yes.

  • Is there pressure that comes with that title?

  • Uh, no, I didn't Really I don't think at that point I don't even knew what Pandora Waas do.

  • You think you were the best working comic in 2016?

  • Now, how about now?

  • Yeah.

  • Do you remember the first joke you ever told?

  • Yeah, I think I remember one of my first jokes on stage.

  • There's people would ask me, Why are you so white?

  • Why are you so whitened?

  • I'd say because my father was a Q tip.

  • That's humorous.

  • It's was a first draft.

  • Is there a joke?

  • You've been trying to make work for years, but it just won't land.

  • I've been tryingto make the Rust Belt funny, which is never really worked because I think that it's funny that they you know, this area of economic devastation that someone decided to give it a cute name.

  • Rest bell.

  • Because there's a lot of rest there.

  • It doesn't feel appropriate.

  • I mean, people are employed.

  • Maybe give it some more time.

  • I don't know if it'll ever work, but, I mean, the people there will work, but not a joke.

  • You opened for this man pope last year.

  • Is that correct?

  • Yes, I think.

  • Yeah.

  • Yeah.

  • One point.

  • Yes.

  • Do you think he watched her set from the Pope Mobile?

  • I don't think so.

  • I met him.

  • I don't think he had any idea who I waas.

  • There was a guy standing behind him, speaking in Italian or Spanish, going comedic Americano.

  • And he just nodded.

  • Then I introduced him to my mother in law.

  • And I won best in law.

  • Ever.

  • Did you pray before you went on stage?

  • Now your wife?

  • Yes.

  • Is your collaborator and co writer.

  • Is that correct?

  • Yes.

  • Would you say that she's funnier than you?

  • You know.

  • All right.

  • I think she's great.

  • Do you two ever take your creative arguments home with you?

  • Oh, yeah, carefully.

  • Do you think she's ever fake?

  • Laughed at one of your jokes?

  • I hope not.

  • She's pretty honest.

  • Like she'll say.

  • That's not funny.

  • I mean, sometimes she'll say, That's not funny, but I'm not even trying to be funny.

  • Have you ever fake laughed at one of her jokes?

  • No.

  • What is that doing?

  • It's registering your pulse rate.

  • Something.

  • What is that?

  • It's your galvanic skin response.

  • What does that mean?

  • Sweating.

  • It's that bad or good?

  • It depends.

  • Yeah.

  • Do you ever receive any fan letters?

  • Ah, yes, yes.

  • Do you write back?

  • No, I mean, if no, I don't.

  • I used to.

  • How about that?

  • I've got five kids.

  • Someone on Reddit started a thread asking how they could sneak food to you during a show.

  • Is that something fans regularly attempt to do?

  • It's waned a little bit.

  • A couple specials ago, I had a lot of jokes on doughnuts, so that led to an influx of doughnuts.

  • Maybe with American dreamer.

  • I'll get free uber rides or lift rides when people would bring you food.

  • Did you eat it sometimes.

  • I mean, yes, I did.

  • It would be rude not to.

  • Do you ever get heckled?

  • Not really, No.

  • Do you remember the last time you were heckled?

  • They're I don't know if I'd describe it as heckled.

  • It was just somebody verbalizing their reaction.

  • And I don't think they were intentionally.

  • I don't think they were aware of it.

  • So I would say something and they would go.

  • Yes, kind of.

  • And I think they thought that they were doing under their breath, but they were speaking out loud.

  • So I don't know if that's a hackle or if that's just human beings were insane.

  • Have you ever done anything on stage?

  • We're looking back.

  • You think that was hacky?

  • Uh, yeah, I'm sure.

  • Their stuff I'm always trying to improve.

  • Look, I had jokes about my wife liking pillows on the bed that I wasn't a fan of, I don't know.

  • It's weird.

  • It's like old material I'm not really thrilled about.

  • In general, why don't we move on to philosophy?

  • Do you think you're stigmatized for being Catholic?

  • Possibly.

  • There's so many reasons for someone not to be Catholic.

  • I don't have any resentment with someone finding it weird.

  • If God was a comedian, do you think he would have a clean act?

  • Depends.

  • Older New Testament.

  • You know.

  • I think Old testament.

  • He probably it would be pretty edgy, I think.

  • New Testament, you know, probably he might be much more observation all and maybe not necessary to curse.

  • Do you really think God for gives everyone?

  • I hope so, Yeah.

  • I mean, you know, like Gomer.

  • I don't know.

  • I mean about that, You know, like Hitler.

  • He's like, Jesus, like, you know, I know.

  • I said everyone.

  • Should people be automatically granted mercy if they apologize?

  • Not for May decide.

  • I just like a scenario where I'm forgiven.

  • So would you say you're a better Catholic than this man Stephen Colbert?

  • No, he's He's obviously a better Catholic and smarter and other stuff.

  • But I have more comedy specials.

  • You don't curse in your stand up, right?

  • Sure does.

  • So I guess the same doesn't go for your real life, right?

  • Do you think perfection is ever attainable?

  • Obviously, No.

  • But when you're good looking as may you try to make other aspects of your life, she's here.

  • Your looks.

  • Do you think you've ever written a perfect joke?

  • No, because I think comedy and humor are similar to liberty.

  • It's all kind of moving and the context is changing.

  • So what's funny today?

  • Might be funny in a different way tomorrow.

  • That the truth.

  • He's telling the truth.

  • No, let's talk about pop culture.

  • Do you have three million followers on Twitter?

  • Uh, does that make you feel validated now, when I see how many followers other people have, Um but I appreciate it.

  • I don't know my doing this right.

  • I'm not sure you feel validated.

  • Has a troll ever made you cry?

  • No, but I I don't really pride because I don't really have human emotions.

  • Would you consider yourself Mimi literate?

  • No.

  • If you had to take a shot at it.

  • How do you mean?

  • If I this photo?

  • Oh, I would say, uh, gotta get home before I my pants.

  • Not bad.

  • How about this one?

  • When, uh, the fat guy tries to be cute?

  • Sounds like you are meeting literate.

  • I think I I think I figured it out.

  • My hands were very sweaty.

  • Or what's the word you're using?

  • Its galvanic skin response.

  • You're not that smart.

  • Settle down.

  • Be honest.

  • Have you ever taken a buzzfeed quiz?

  • I think I have.

  • I think I have So do You know what Disney Princess You are?

  • Well, I think everyone does.

  • Which one are you?

  • I'm the Would you one from Scotland?

  • What?

  • You know what's her name?

  • Call yourself a man.

  • I did the, uh, the gene.

  • The version thing.

  • What character am I?

  • And Jane?

  • The Virgin.

  • And I think I was wrong.

  • Julio, I don't know what that means.

  • Urine, Avid foodie by you know, I eat a lot.

  • Yeah.

  • So if you're making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich Yes.

  • Peanut butter and jelly go in the same slice.

  • I would say No, there might be.

  • No, I don't think so.

  • I think the one on each side.

  • Let's put this debate to rest.

  • Does pineapple ever go on pizza?

  • Of course not.

  • It does not.

  • It does not.

  • 100% true.

  • It's obviously look at us.

  • Way know when people put pineapple on pizza in a way there, they're killing America.

  • Our hot pockets.

  • Technically just big raviolis.

  • Yes, they're also probies and empanadas.

  • And there's hot apple pies that they used to sell at McDonald's face home anymore.

  • Do they?

  • No.

  • They were found to be too hot.

  • Do people ever just yell hot pocket at you on the street?

  • Yes, they did.

  • More often than monthly, Much more than months.

  • Do you regret making that joke?

  • Absolutely.

  • I mean, it's a blessing and a curse.

  • Final question?

  • Yeah.

  • At any point during this interview, did you lie and we didn't catch you?

  • Absolutely.

  • So you're clean, but not quite honest?

  • Sure.

  • Yeah.

  • I mean, yeah, you didn't know this, but Lou and I used to be lovers.

  • We go way back.

  • Is that true?

  • That is not true.

  • What does the machine say?

  • Lou, disregard the machine.

  • Okay, He's not in the mood.

Is it all right to eat?

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