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  • - Today we do our duty to find the best TP for your booty.

  • - Let's talk about that.

  • (fun theme music)

  • (fire blazing)

  • Good mythical morning.

  • - Choosing the right toilet paper is incredibly difficult.

  • If you're like me you just go to the grocery store and you

  • stand in the TP aisle and you just stand there for minutes

  • up to sometimes hours.

  • - Wow.

  • - Depending on how intimidated you get.

  • I usually just break down and pick the thing that's closest

  • or has the prettiest picture on it.

  • - No, you cannot do that because this is

  • an important decision.

  • I think this is as decision as choosing a spouse.

  • - Okay.

  • - It's a lot like that.

  • I mean, it's a daily relationship that gets very intimate.

  • - Oh, yes it does. - So, we're gonna

  • help you make the proper decision today.

  • It's time for Test For The Best Toilet Paper.

  • - Okay, we're gonna be doing a series of tests on a number

  • of different toilet paper brands that really go across a

  • spectrum of prices.

  • We've got Cottonelle Ultra Comfort Care.

  • - Angel Soft Softness and Strength.

  • - Charmin Ultra Strong.

  • - Seventh Generation brand.

  • - Scott 1000, which is one ply.

  • - And Quilted Northern Ultra Plush, which is three ply.

  • - And then we're gonna take all these tests and together

  • determine the ultimate toilet paper that you

  • should be buying.

  • - Let's do it.

  • - [Both] Round one.

  • - Okay, we're gonna get started with the softness test.

  • - Which is very important.

  • - My face is covered with beard.

  • I don't know what the world feels like anymore.

  • But you have a bare face.

  • - It's like a heinie.

  • - We're gonna use your face.

  • Of course, as you can see, we don't know what brand is what.

  • We just got A through F here.

  • So, I've got a system in mind.

  • I'm going to compare all these and establish

  • a ranking, Link.

  • Feel free to touch them.

  • You just tell me which one's softer, right or left.

  • - This one's softer.

  • - Okay.

  • Alright, I'm gonna compare all these

  • to A.

  • - Let me get some hands.

  • - Okay.

  • - You know, this has got a lot of detailing which makes it

  • feel less soft than this one.

  • This one's softer. - Okay.

  • This one's still softer.

  • Alright.

  • Hm.

  • This is fun, by the way.

  • - Ooo, now we're getting into a tie territory.

  • - Gotta pick a winner.

  • Gotta be a winner.

  • - This one.

  • - Okay, alright.

  • I can feel with this one, I can feel

  • which one's softer. - Oh, my goodness.

  • This one's softer.

  • - Yeah, definitely.

  • Okay.

  • And.

  • You can't do this in the grocery store.

  • You have to pay.

  • - Yeah you can but it's plastic.

  • Gotta do it through plastic.

  • This is tough.

  • Hold it still.

  • Just push. (crew chuckles)

  • And now pull.

  • Oh, yeah.

  • There we go.

  • This one's softer.

  • - Okay.

  • Wow, alright.

  • So now which one's softer between these two?

  • Clearly.

  • Clearly.

  • - This one.

  • - Yes.

  • Okay, which one's softer between these two?

  • - Push harder.

  • And then, yep.

  • Just a nice...

  • Okay.

  • Hm.

  • This one by a little.

  • - That one's a little bit softer.

  • - Yeah. - Okay.

  • And then which one's softer between these two?

  • - I've never felt so

  • loved. - You're picking the

  • softest one right now, Link.

  • So

  • be good.

  • Be good, Link.

  • - Be good.

  • This one, definitely.

  • - Okay.

  • Alright, there you go.

  • There is our order of softest to least soft.

  • - There it is.

  • I wanted it exactly where I wanted it.

  • So we have our results.

  • Six points for B being in first place of softness going all

  • the way down to one point for E in last place of softness.

  • - [Both] Round two.

  • - And now to find out how much pee-pee can your TP drinky.

  • You've seen the blue liquid test

  • - Yeah. - Which is apparently

  • the standard of the industry.

  • Until today. - Well, a lot of

  • people have blue pee.

  • - Okay.

  • Well we have pee streams, so we're gonna use,

  • - Yes. - Well a simulated

  • pee stream test.

  • - Now, I know you typically don't pee directly into a roll

  • of toilet paper.

  • I mean, I have done that after a particularly wild night but

  • what we're gonna do to test the absorption is I'm gonna

  • spray the pee

  • into

  • the TP.

  • - That's just water.

  • - Well, but it's yellow.

  • You're gonna pull this and see how many squares

  • it goes through.

  • - This is the standardizing mechanism.

  • So go ahead and hit the same amount of stream, from the

  • same distance every...

  • Oh, my goodness.

  • It is pee.

  • - Yeah, I had a lot of vitamin B.

  • - So one. - Yeah.

  • - Two,

  • three,

  • four,

  • five,

  • sixer,

  • seven,

  • eight,

  • - Nine. - Nine.

  • - That's it, nine.

  • - Nine. - Alright, next one.

  • - So that's nine for A.

  • You got some pee stream on my nose.

  • It was in this. - Here we go.

  • Comin' back in and.

  • - Alright.

  • I should let it hit for a second.

  • - Okay.

  • - One,

  • two,

  • three,

  • four,

  • five,

  • six,

  • seven,

  • eight,

  • nine. - Nine.

  • Well, nine. - Is there a 10?

  • - It's a tie.

  • It's a tie.

  • That's it, nine.

  • Alright, bring in the next one.

  • I usually pee more than just a little burst like this.

  • (laughs)

  • When I'm peeing on the toilet paper.

  • - Paper.

  • Ooo, goodness. - Oh.

  • It never bounces back 'cause it's always down there.

  • - One.

  • - Oh, this is a big one.

  • - Whoa.

  • Two.

  • - Too big for the roll.

  • - Three,

  • four,

  • five,

  • six,

  • seven,

  • eight,

  • nine.

  • - [Rhett] 10, there's a little bit there.

  • - 10 right there.

  • - And

  • okay.

  • Alright, that's it.

  • - 10.

  • - Alright, so we've got two at nine and one with 10.

  • - Alright.

  • - The ties are gonna split the points.

  • You'll see how we do that.

  • And.

  • - Ooo.

  • Yeah, it is consistent.

  • I'm getting sprayed consistently

  • every time. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • - Science.

  • - If anything I'm a - One.

  • Two. - Consistent pee sprayer.

  • - Three,

  • four,

  • five,

  • six,

  • seven,

  • eight,

  • nine,

  • 10.

  • - [Rhett] Oh.

  • 11.

  • Very small.

  • - [Link] 11.

  • - 11, that's it.

  • - You're a good spotter of the pee spot.

  • - Yeah.

  • Trust me, I tell ya, I do this.

  • - I'll tell ya, I do this.

  • - If you could replace your (clicks) with a water

  • gun, would you? (crew laughs)

  • - Let me think about that, no.

  • - I think I would, man.

  • This is fun.

  • - Well, more power to you.

  • Doesn't impact me at all.

  • (crew laughs)

  • Alright, so that's one.

  • Oh, my goodness, two.

  • - This one's goin' deep, sucka.

  • This one's goin' deep.

  • - Three. - This looks like our

  • - Four.

  • - One ply contestant. - Five.

  • Six.

  • Looks like a eyeball starin' at ya.

  • Seven.

  • Oh, my goodness.

  • Eight.

  • Nine.

  • - This really forces you to not get a lot of TP, that's what

  • I like about this one.

  • - 10,

  • 11.

  • - Oh, gosh.

  • - 12.

  • - Uh-huh. - 13.

  • - Oh, gosh.

  • - 14.

  • Oh,

  • 15.

  • 16.

  • Oh, my goodness, 17.

  • 18. - Yeah.

  • - You're gonna have to take over, my arm's getting tired.

  • 19.

  • 20.

  • - [Rhett] Oh, yep, 21.

  • - [Link] 21.

  • - And that's it.

  • 21.

  • 21. - Woo!

  • - Alright, we got one more in here?

  • Alright.

  • Oh, gosh. - Oh!

  • I'm trying to help

  • and I'm not doing it. - And.

  • Alright, that's it, right?

  • - Alright, so that's one.

  • Two,

  • three,

  • four,

  • five,

  • six,

  • seven,

  • eight,

  • nine, - Nine.

  • Nine.

  • Wow.

  • So three of them had nine.

  • - That's a sweet spot for absorption.

  • - Okay, so we've go three that are tying in

  • the absorption test.

  • - [Both] Round three.

  • - Okay, now for a poopy pick up test because no TP is worth

  • its weight if it can't pick up some poo-poo (laughs).

  • Okay. - That's true.

  • - So instead of wiping poop from butts, we're gonna be

  • wiping pudding from el-butts.

  • Everybody present your elbows and I'm gonna put

  • a consistent amount.

  • - Because an el-butt is an elbow

  • crack area.

  • Just like a baby's bottom. - I'm gonna center

  • it right there.

  • - [Link] Oh, look at that.

  • Mr Consistent Dolloper.

  • Lettin' 'em have it.

  • - [Rhett] Yep.

  • - Sorry, there you go.

  • - [Link] Look at that, receive it.

  • Receive that dollop of

  • - Okay. - Chocolate dookie.

  • (laughs)

  • Boy that's...

  • This is like a spa treatment, right?

  • - [Lizzie] Mhm.

  • - It's like, now we are placing the feces on

  • your inner elbow.

  • - Okay.

  • Now, don't do your el-butts yet because you'll do your

  • el-butts right before and you know what, I'm gonna do a

  • little bit more on Mike over here.

  • - Yeah, gotta get 'em consistent and I then am gonna be the

  • ultra consistent one swipe wiper.

  • I'm gonna give

  • just an initial two finger swipe wipe

  • that would then be followed by other wipes, but we're only

  • gonna judge the initial wipes.

  • Starting with A.

  • Rhett, are you in position?

  • - A.

  • - Hand me the A wiper.

  • Now,

  • make that el-bottom.

  • There it goes. (laughs)

  • - [Rhett] Get it, Link.

  • - [Link] Well, I'm gonna see what, there

  • she goes. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • If a little bit drops.

  • - Yeah, they see that? - Yeah.

  • - I don't have to work on that.

  • - Yeah, that's right.

  • You let that go right into the toilet.

  • Right into the sewer system.

  • - [Link] I'm just doing a two finger.

  • Oh, do you open it?

  • Yeah, I do that.

  • Open it a little. (laughs)

  • Oh, my goodness. - Okay.

  • - That did not feel great. (laughs)

  • Alright, so now make one over here.

  • - You're gonna be there a while, Mike, on that one.

  • - [Link] Bring it in.

  • Oh, my goodness, that one wants to.

  • Look, he's making your tiger soiled.

  • (laughs)

  • Look at that, I need to try to get...

  • Nope, permanent.

  • Alright, so.

  • - Bring your arm in, Alex, so we can get a good shot.

  • - Hold on, I haven't wiped this one yet.

  • - [Rhett] Yeah.

  • - Here we go, I was just wiping the tiger.

  • Here we go.

  • Alright, again, I'm gettin' a lot but I'm not

  • getting it all.

  • - Okay. - It's a part

  • of the judgment.

  • - C.

  • - C, C.

  • Oh, this one's bumpy.

  • - Ready?

  • - [Link] Yeah, give it a squeeze.

  • - [Rhett] Oh.

  • Oh, look at that.

  • Oh. - I don't like watching that.

  • (laughs)

  • I know my face says I like it but I don't.

  • (laughs)

  • - Alright, now open back up, spread a little.

  • There we go.

  • Again, this is two finger.

  • Woop.

  • (laughs)

  • Now, right here, if you'll...

  • - D.

  • - Alright, so we're going with the left.

  • Close the lefter.

  • There it goes.

  • Just like a waterfall.

  • - [Stevie] (laughing) Ew.

  • - Like a poopy waterfall. - Pretty consistent.

  • There's a little dookie drop on every one of 'em.

  • - [Link] Alright, and just a quick swipe.

  • - [Rhett] Oh, gosh.

  • Oh.

  • - That was good.

  • - That was uncalled for.

  • - You could open up a store.

  • - It was uncalled for is what it was.

  • - Oh, look at this.

  • This is a pathetic sheet, man.

  • My fingers are gonna be compromised.

  • Oh, my goodness, is that gonna drop?

  • - [Lizzie] Mhm.

  • It's going.

  • - I want a little, yep.

  • Good gosh, this is not gonna do anything.

  • This is like...

  • - (laughing) Oh. (crew laughs)

  • Oh.

  • - [Link] Gosh.

  • - Alright.

  • - Finally.

  • - And F.

  • Oh!

  • Oh!

  • - Right on my shoe.

  • (laughs)

  • Okay.

  • And then spread. - Oh, oh, oh.

  • Oh.

  • - Yeah, that's it.

  • - [Lizzie] Okay.

  • - Boop.

  • And there we have it.

  • - Okay, now, we have to rank these.

  • Wow. - Oh, goodness.

  • - Get where I can see the B, there.

  • - Oh, man.

  • - Sorry.

  • - You just smashed my C.

  • - [Link] I mean, I think the C is pretty good.

  • The F is pretty good right here.

  • - [Rhett] The B is pretty good.

  • It just has a little bit down there.

  • I mean, that's pretty clean.

  • A is not good.

  • Right now it's B,

  • C. - C,

  • F.

  • - Hold on, F has a crap ton.

  • - [Link] Well, yeah, but where I wiped it's pretty clean.

  • Look at that.

  • - Oh, yeah, yeah.

  • - [Link] Look at that.

  • - Right. - That's real bad.

  • - Yeah, and D's not good either 'cause where you went over

  • there's still a whole bunch.

  • - [Link] Yep, yep.

  • - Okay, so, we've got B,

  • C.

  • - B, C.

  • - F.

  • - F.

  • - And then...

  • - Between A, D, and E.

  • - Okay, and then we've got between D and A, D's

  • better than A.

  • - Okay. - And you've got A

  • and then lastly you've got E.

  • - Alright, so there you have it.

  • For the pick up round B takes the lead with six points going

  • all the way for sad E

  • with one point.

  • Good work, guys.

  • - And after tabulating the results after all three

  • rounds, the winner, based on performance alone, is

  • B, which is Quilted Northern Ultra Plush with 17 points.

  • - Whoa.

  • And when you factor in price it shuffles around the

  • standings a little bit but still at the top of the standings

  • is Quilted Northern Ultra Plush!

  • - Oh, so it's affordable too.

  • Oh, how can you eat that after what you just did to it?

  • - It's irresistible (laughs).

  • - Okay.

  • - Thank you for liking, commenting, wiping, and subscribing.

  • - You know what time it is.

  • - Hi, it's Maibe.

  • - Hey, it's Shudi.

  • - Hallo, it is Meena.

  • - Hey, it's...

  • - [All] And we're from Egypt and it's time to spin the

  • Wheel of Mythicality!

  • Woo!

  • - You can wipe all of the stress of your day away with some

  • fun new videos over at YouTube.com/ThisIsMythical.

  • - And click through to Good Mythical More.

  • We're gonna play, play,

  • - Play. - Play

  • toilet paper bowling.

  • - Win Face.

  • Congratulations to Alex.

  • You win some of the Mythical Pomade.

  • Look at that. - Woo.

  • - Whoa. - Your hair is gon'

  • look good, Alex. - Yeah, Alex.

  • Click on the left to watch our show after the show,

  • Good Mythical More.

  • - [Link] Click on the right to watch another episode of

  • Good Mythical Morning.

  • - [Rhett] And makes sure to check out our new channel, This

  • Is Mythical, by clicking the video at the bottom.

  • - [Link] Thanks for being your mythical best.

- Today we do our duty to find the best TP for your booty.

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