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  • [lovely jazzy intro music]

  • Greetings and welcome to an LGR Valentine’s Day... thing!

  • Sure why not, because were taking a look at 101 Love Letters,

  • sold by Great Bear Technology in 1995.

  • It’s a Windows PC application providingwords to express your love,”

  • withfull word processing capabilities.”

  • Mm, fancy!

  • Express yourself in the name of love.”

  • Tell him you still care."

  • "Disclose your passionate feelings.”

  • Share your admiration for your family."

  • "Invite her off on a romantic weekend.”

  • Why whisper sweet nothings, when you can write sizzling somethings?”

  • Ooh, good point, sounds hot.

  • I gotta say, this whole package is really doinit for me: big beautiful box, copious

  • marketing copy, and ah, is that the bear, the great bear of the company’s namesake?

  • A cupid polar bear?

  • I just have no idea what with programs like this, but '101 Love Letters?'

  • This has gotta be something special.

  • After all, nothing says “I love youlike a letter

  • written by some unknown person in Moraga, California.

  • Check out these example letters:

  • Darling first name, there was a time when the thought

  • of seeking someone to love was at the bottom of my list.

  • A solitary walk on the beach was more attractive than being wrapped in a lover’s arms.

  • There just existed too many complications in loving.

  • I had no need to care for anyone other than myself.”

  • Yeah I dunno, sounds like a pretty sweet gig to me.

  • Oh here’s their other chosen example: “My dearest love, there is so much to say I don’t

  • know if I’ll ever find all the words or the time to tell you.

  • How can I in one lifetime give you all the love I have to give?

  • Everything I do is for you.

  • Every thought that comes to mind is of you.

  • Each day I live, I spend in the delight of your...”

  • ...pancakes.

  • Right, let’s open up the box and see what kinda [disk crashes to the ground]

  • Jeez, barely even got into the box and I’ve already lost control of my disk.

  • Ahh here we go, it comes on a delightful little 3.5” floppy disk.

  • I’d rather have a 5.25,” but you know what they say about disk size not mattering.

  • Anyway, next up is the disk’s protective sleeve -- always use protection.

  • Along with instructions on how to get started as quickly as possible.

  • No instructions required for finishing.

  • You also get a fold-out card offering a lifetime of free benefits, ooh, how friendly.

  • And finally you got some, uh, very 90s stationery.

  • This one looking like a bedspread from Laura Ashley and the other one’s generic enough

  • that you don’t have to use it for wedding announcements.

  • So that’s handy.

  • Oh and there’s a remarkably beefy catalog of stationery, some more stationery,

  • even more stationery, and yet more stationery.

  • Enough with the foreplay, let’s get this thing installed on a Windows 3.1 PC and write

  • ourselves some pre-written love letters.

  • [soothing saxophone plays]

  • All right first thing to do is get the program installed and [chuckles]

  • You know that’s not ever a good sign.

  • That’s okay though, it seems it did actually copy everything over.

  • So well just open up the program here and it looks like that we can -- okay, well.

  • Okay let’s try a different Windows 3.1 PC here and

  • this time [chuckles] Okay.

  • When it comes to low-budget Windows 3.1 applications, just don’t do it!

  • Not even once.

  • I tried this on two different Windows 3.1 PCs and two different DOS emulators running

  • 3.1 and both suffered the same errors on all the settings and configurations I tried.

  • The real hardware got the general protection fault, among others,

  • and the emulators would divide by zero.

  • Ah that’s inspiring, I’m gonna write my own love letter, let’s see here.

  • Roses are red, violets are heroes.

  • I love you so much, I’m dividing by zeros.

  • So after continuing to fiddle around just to try to get the thing to install properly,

  • much less run.

  • I ended up giving it a shot on Windows 98SE on a whim on my Megaluminum Monster build.

  • And heh, y’know go figure, it works!

  • Even though it’s from several years in the future from when this program was made.

  • So y’know whatever, I dunno man.

  • It’s not running perfectly but we can at least check out 101 Lover Letters finally,

  • so yeah, here’s what you do!

  • Right, um, 101 Love Letters for Windows 3.1 running on Windows 98SE!

  • Here it is, in all its mid-1990s budget software glory.

  • And as described on the box, it really is just an assortment of love-centric correspondence

  • templates paired with an exceptionally unexceptional word processor.

  • Each of the premade lovey-dubby form letters are divided up into a number of categories

  • ranging from serious, to silly, to sultry, to somewhat stalkery.

  • There are letters themed around things like asking for a second date, apologizing for

  • screwing up, rekindling an old flame, talking to your partner about AIDS, venting romantic

  • frustrations, expressing admiration to friends and family.

  • And quite the assortment of letters about trying to attain love, too.

  • Like, a lot of those, yeah.

  • While there’s only a single letter for telling your kids you love them, there’s half a

  • dozen letters for revealing you have the hots for someone who barely knows you exist.

  • Perhaps it’s just me but I’m sensing a target demographic here.

  • Anyway, it’s time to choose a letter, either by selecting directly from those listed or

  • by searching for specific words and phrases contained within them.

  • Once youve chosen the perfect lovely little letter, opening it up provides a tool for

  • filling in the letter’s blanks.

  • Kinda like Mad Libs for uninspired cassanovas, you just fill in things like your address,

  • your name, the subject’s name, and any pronouns, unique events, dates, locations, and so on.

  • Unfortunately, the program still isn’t quite working as it should, because you can’t

  • actually see the entire letter on-screen at once.

  • There’s no word wrapping option and no scrollbar for revealing the text off to the right, so

  • you have to edit the text line by line to see everything.

  • Not only that, but the fonts and formatting don’t function at all

  • so yeah, something’s screwy here.

  • Ha! Right on time, I thought you’d forgotten about me, General Protection Fault.

  • Say hello to Lieutenant Divide By Zero for me.

  • Oh wait there they are, never mind!

  • Seriously, this is one badly-made application from top to bottom.

  • Real hardware, emulation, virtual machines, doesn’t matter.

  • It doesn’t work reliably on any of the solutions I tried

  • with tons of glitches, crashes, and general wonkiness every step of the way.

  • Eh, whatever though, I was able to squeeze out a few complete love letters regardless.

  • At this point you can either print out the letter directly or save it to a plain text

  • file or a Microsoft Write-compatible document.

  • And due to the font and formatting issues going on, the letter exporting process is

  • completely screwed, with the resulting documents

  • consisting of gigantic 127 point typefaces, bold text and italics all enabled.

  • Clippit, help!

  • I’m trying to make a YouTube video, what do I do?

  • You can stop whining about old computer software and get a life.”

  • Ahh yes.

  • Or I can just manually edit the document and fix all the formatting myself,

  • because everything is broken.

  • Much like the hearts of whatever poor souls ended up buying this program back in the day.

  • Now to print out my fantastically well-made love letters

  • on this even lovelier dot matrix printer and bam!

  • Romance, here I come!

  • [dot matrix printer prints dots in a matrix]

  • -Perfect.

  • And that is 101 Love Letters from 1995 by Great Bear Technologies.

  • It sure is a great bear to use, they got that right.

  • I have no doubt that part of the problem stems from the fact that I couldn’t get it to

  • run on Windows 3.1, but either way

  • it’s just a shoddily put together piece of software unfortunately.

  • Yeah I know, it’s an off-brand budget-priced mid-90s PC application

  • offering somewhat inauthentic words of romance.

  • What exactly did I expect, right?

  • Yeah, see, I’d still at least like the program to work on the system it was intended for,

  • Windows 3.1!

  • And since I’m feeling frisky, it’d be nice if there perhaps a bit less of the dividing

  • by zero crashing, that’d be nice too.

  • And even without these bugs that may or may not be a problem on my end,

  • it’s still kind of a crappy product.

  • As a word processor it is objectively lackluster, an experience on par with or even worse than

  • Microsoft Write, and that came for free with Windows.

  • And as a collection of love letters, well, I guess it’s better than nothing?

  • Though so many of them rely on trite clichéd expressions, uninspired out-of-date prose,

  • and of course, awkwardly seeking the affection of strangers.

  • Heh, and as an internet person that frequently receives unsolicited letters of affection

  • from strangers, I can’t say I’m a fan of that particular romantic strategy.

  • I swear, some of the emails I’ve gotten read exactly like what you see here, complete

  • with people’s real full names and phone numbers

  • and addresses and everything, it gets weird.

  • Even ignoring that though, I’ve never felt the need to fill out a form letter in order

  • to express my affection in any of the relationships I’ve been in.

  • If I’m feeling a thing, I say the thing, it’s pretty straightforward.

  • Now I’m not knockinyour style if you do rely on pre-written love letters.

  • I dunno, maybe youve had success with programs like this and I’m the weird one here.

  • But personally I found nothing about 101 Love Letters very useful or inspiring, even for 1995.

  • I could see sending some of these letters to a friend in jest,

  • assuming they were already in on the joke, but sending them seriously?

  • Nah man.

  • The letters are cheesy and the program is broken.

  • This is simply one of those 1990s Windows applications

  • that really isn’t worth revisiting at all anymore.

  • Unless youre making a silly YouTube video about it for Valentine’s Day because the

  • other thing you planned on covering fell through, and in that case, it’s fantastic!

  • And if this episode of LGR got you in the mood for more steamy streaming video about

  • old computer programs and stuff, then have I got news for you.

  • That’s what I do, all the time!

  • So try out my older videos or check back in a week for more LGR.

  • And as always, thanks for watching!

[lovely jazzy intro music]

Subtitles and vocabulary

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B1 love letter bear disk program formatting

101 Love Letters for Windows: From 1995, With Love

  • 11 0
    林宜悉 posted on 2020/03/06
Video vocabulary

Keywords

reveal

US /rɪˈvil/

UK /rɪ'vi:l/

  • verb
  • To show something that was hidden before
barely

US /ˈbɛrli/

UK /ˈbɛəli/

  • adverb
  • Only just; just possible
general

US /ˈdʒɛnərəl/

UK /'dʒenrəl/

  • noun
  • A broad field of study or knowledge.
  • A high-ranking officer in the army, air force, or marine corps.
  • The public; the population at large.
  • Top ranked officer in the army
  • adjective
  • Widespread, normal or usual
  • Having the rank of general; chief or principal.
  • Not detailed or specific; vague.
  • Relating to all the people or things in a group; overall.
  • Applicable or occurring in most situations or to most people.
kinda

US /'kaɪndə/

UK /'kaɪndə/

  • adverb
  • Short way of saying 'kind of'
  • Used informally to express a feeling or desire.
  • Somewhat; to some extent; rather.
  • Sort of; in a way.
express

US /ɪkˈsprɛs/

UK /ɪk'spres/

  • noun
  • A system for the rapid delivery of goods or messages.
  • A system for sending something quickly.
  • Fast train or bus
  • A train, bus, or other vehicle that travels rapidly with few or no stops.
  • adjective
  • Clearly and explicitly stated; not merely implied.
  • Traveling or able to travel at high speed.
  • Sent by a fast mail service
  • Moving or operating rapidly and directly.
  • Traveling at high speed
  • verb
  • To send something by fast mail
  • To state or show what you think or how you feel
  • other
  • To show (a feeling, thought, etc.) by words or actions.
  • To convey thoughts or feelings in words or by gestures and conduct.
  • To send (something) speedily to a destination.
solitary

US /ˈsɑlɪˌtɛri/

UK /'sɒlətrɪ/

  • noun
  • A punishment to keep a person alone in a cell
  • A person who chooses to live alone
  • adjective
  • Done alone; spending a lot of time alone
silly

US /ˈsɪli/

UK /'sɪlɪ/

  • adjective
  • Careless
  • Acting funny or playfully
  • Not being serious or important
divide

US /dɪˈvaɪd/

UK /dɪ'vaɪd/

  • noun
  • A separation or distinction.
  • other
  • To separate or be separated by a boundary.
  • To cause to disagree; disunite.
  • To share out; distribute.
  • To perform mathematical division.
  • To perform mathematical division.
  • To separate into parts; split or break up.
  • verb
  • To split numbers by another number, e.g. 6 / 2 = 3
  • To separate something into equal pieces
  • other
  • To cause people to have different opinions.
inspire

US /ɪnˈspaɪr/

UK /ɪn'spaɪə(r)/

  • verb
  • To draw (air, etc.) into the lungs.
  • To give someone an idea to do or make something
  • To fill (someone) with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.
  • To make someone feel a certain emotion
  • other
  • To breathe in
  • To encourage or impel someone to do something
  • To fill (someone) with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.
affection

US /əˈfɛkʃən/

UK /əˈfekʃn/

  • noun
  • Feeling of liking someone or something
  • (Archaic) A feeling; emotion.
  • (Medicine) A disease or condition.
  • other
  • Behavior or actions that show your liking for someone.
  • A feeling of liking for a person or place.
  • A gentle feeling of fondness or liking.