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  • HEH HEH HEH. TOP 7 ANSWERS ON

  • THE BOARD, LADIES. NAME

  • SOMETHING GRANDPA HAS DREAMS OF

  • JUDGE JUDY DOING TO HIM.

  • JANETTE: GIVING HIM A DIVORCE.

  • STEVE: GIVING HIM A DIVORCE.

  • [BUZZER]

  • KATHY: UM.

  • [BUZZER]

  • STEVE: MS. THELMA.

  • THELMA: HAVING SEX.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • STEVE: HAVING SEX.

  • [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

  • JOE?

  • JOE: MAKE HIM DINNER.

  • STEVE: MAKE HIM DINNER. THANK

  • YOU, JOE.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • MAKE HIM DINNER.

  • [BUZZER]

  • JANETTE: OH!

  • STEVE: PASS OR PLAY?

  • FAMILY: PLAY, PLAY, PLAY!

  • JANETTE: WE'RE GONNA PLAY,

  • STEVE.

  • STEVE: WE'RE GONNA PLAY.

  • [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

  • JANETTE, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR

  • A LIVING?

  • JANETTE: WELL, I'M A SALES

  • MANAGER FOR SCI, SERVICES

  • CORPORATION INTERNATIONAL. WE'RE

  • THE LARGEST DEATH CARE PROVIDERS

  • IN NORTH AMERICA.

  • STEVE: DEATH CARE?

  • JANETTE: YES.

  • STEVE: WHAT YOU MEAN?

  • JANETTE: I MEAN--I MEAN CEMETERY

  • AND MORTUARY ARRANGEMENTS AND

  • PRE-ARRANGEMENTS. WE ASSIST

  • FAMILIES WHO'VE HAD A LOSS. AND

  • MORE IMPORTANTLY, STEVE--STEVE,

  • STEVE, STEVE.

  • STEVE: I DON'T--I DON'T--I

  • DON'T...

  • JANETTE: MORE--MORE...MORE

  • IMPORTANTLY, WE HELP THEM

  • PRE-PLAN, STEVE.

  • STEVE: NO, I DON'T WANT YOU

  • PRE-PLANNING NOTHING. I AIN'T

  • ASKED FOR THAT.

  • JANETTE: BUT, STEVE--

  • STEVE: DIDN'T YOU SEE ME WALK

  • OFF?

  • JANETTE: STEVE.

  • STEVE: I DON'T TALK TO PEOPLE

  • LIKE YOU.

  • JANETTE: BUT WE ALL HAVE AN

  • APPOINTMENT, STEVE.

  • STEVE: NO, YOU DON'T KNOW WHEN

  • IT IS.

  • JANETTE: I DON'T KNOW WHEN IT

  • IS, BUT WE GOT TO BE READY AT

  • ALL TIMES, RIGHT?

  • STEVE: WHAT YOU MEAN? WHO IS

  • YOU?

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • WHO DIED AND MADE YOU PRESIDENT

  • OF THE DAMN DEATH CLUB?

  • JANETTE: I'M JUST A MESSENGER.

  • I'M THE MESSENGER, STEVE.

  • STEVE: YOU'RE NOT A MESSENGER.

  • JANETTE: OH, STEVE.

  • STEVE: YOU JUST WORK DOWN THERE.

  • YOU'RE PROBABLY ON COMMISSION.

  • JANETTE: OH, STEVE.

  • STEVE: SELLING PLOTS AND

  • FUNERALS AND CASKET FABRICS AND

  • ALL THAT.

  • JANETTE: STEVE!

  • STEVE: I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT

  • MY CASKET LOOK LIKE. HELL, I

  • AIN'T GONNA SEE IT.

  • JANETTE: STEVE, IT'S FOR YOUR

  • PROTECTION.

  • STEVE: I'M DEAD.

  • HOW ARE YOU PROTECTING PEOPLE

  • WHO ARE DEAD? YOU DIE SO YOU CAN

  • BE WORRY-FREE.

  • JANETTE: BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO

  • LEAVE YOUR FAMILY WITH WORRIES.

  • STEVE: MAN.

  • JANETTE: HEY, STEVE, IT'S A

  • TOUGH JOB, BUT SOMEBODY'S GOT TO

  • DO IT, HUH?

  • STEVE: AIN'T NOBODY WANT TO HEAR

  • YOUR SLOGAN.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • MS. THELMA, WHAT DO YOU DO?

  • THELMA: YES. NOTHING.

  • STEVE: SHE SAID, "YES. NOTHING."

  • THAT'S WHAT A--THIS WHERE I'M

  • TRYING TO GET TO RIGHT HERE.

  • MS. THELMA? YES. WHAT DO YOU

  • DO? NOTHING.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • THELMA: UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO

  • TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF.

  • HA HA HA! STEVE, I DID.

  • STEVE: MS. THELMA, WHAT? WHAT'S

  • GOING ON?

  • THELMA: NO. I TURNED 72, AND I

  • LIVED IN VEGAS.

  • STEVE: OK.

  • THELMA: SO THEN SOMEONE ASKED,

  • "DO YOU WANT TO DO A NUDE POSE?"

  • I SAID, "SURE." "COME AND

  • AUDITION FOR THE BOOK." SO I

  • SAID OK. OF COURSE, I THOUGHT I

  • WASN'T GONNA MAKE IT. I WAS 72

  • YEARS OLD. TWO DAYS LATER, THEY

  • CALLED ME AND SAID, "WE WANT YOU

  • TO COME DOWN. YOU MADE THE BOOK.

  • WE WANT YOU TO DO SOME NUDE

  • POSES FOR 'TIMELESS BEAUTY.'"

  • JANETTE: TIMELESS BEAUTY.

  • THELMA: AND HERE I AM.

  • STEVE: WOW. YOU DID ALL THAT

  • AFTER 70?

  • THELMA: LIFE BEGINS AT 70.

  • COME ON.

  • [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

  • STEVE: THAT'S PRETTY GOOD. ALL

  • RIGHT, LET'S PLAY. CAR--

  • CARRERA: CARRERA.

  • STEVE: CARRERA.

  • CARRERA: MM-HMM.

  • STEVE: OH, LIKE THE CAR.

  • CARRERA: YES.

  • STEVE: OH, OK, GOOD. NAME

  • SOMETHING GRANDPA HAS DREAMS OF

  • JUDGE JUDY DOING TO HIM.

  • CARRERA: TELLING HIM TO GO TO

  • JAIL.

  • STEVE: TELL HIM TO GO TO JAIL.

  • JANETTE: GOOD ANSWER, GOOD

  • ANSWER.

  • YEAH!

  • CARRERA: PULLED THAT OUT OF

  • NOWHERE.

  • STEVE: YOU CAN'T BELIEVE THAT'S

  • UP THERE.

  • CARRERA: NO.

  • STEVE: GO TO JAIL. MS. BEVERLY,

  • NAME SOMETHING GRANDPA HAS

  • DREAMS OF JUDGE JUDY DOING TO

  • HIM.

  • BEVERLY: TELLING HIM HE'S FIRED.

  • STEVE: TELL HIM HE'S FIRED.

  • [BUZZER]

  • ALL RIGHT, WILL, WE GOT ONE

  • STRIKE. NAME SOMETHING GRANDPA

  • HAS DREAMS OF JUDGE JUDY DOING

  • TO HIM.

  • WILL: BATHING HIM.

  • STEVE: BATH...

  • BATHING HIM.

  • [BUZZER]

  • COME ON, JUDGE.

  • JANETTE, NAME SOMETHING--GOT TWO

  • STRIKES. GOT TO BE CAREFUL.

  • LANDGRAF FAMILY CAN STEAL.

  • SOMETHING GRANDPA HAS DREAMS OF

  • JUDGE JUDY DOING TO HIM.

  • JANETTE: BURYING HIM, STEVE.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • WILL: OH, MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS.

  • GOOD ANSWER, GOOD ANSWER, GOOD

  • ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER.

  • JANETTE: HE'S GRANDPA, HE'S

  • AGING.

  • STEVE: HUH?

  • JANETTE: HE'S GRANDPA, HE'S

  • AGING.

  • STEVE: YEAH, HE'S AGING.

  • WILL: WHERE YOU GOING, STEVE?

  • STEVE: I'M GOING OVER HERE.

  • HELL, WHAT YOU THINK? AIN'T

  • NOBODY SAYING THIS BUT HER.

  • AIN'T NO DAMN GRANDPA WANT JUDGE

  • JUDY TO BURY HIM. BURY HIM. HERE

  • I COME, BOYS.

  • [BUZZER]

  • [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

  • NAME SOMETHING GRANDPA HAS

  • DREAMS OF JUDGE JUDY DOING TO

  • HIM.

  • KATHY: SPANK HIM.

  • STEVE: SPANK HIM.

  • [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

  • NUMBER 7.

  • AUDIENCE: "GO TO MY CHAMBERS."

  • STEVE: 6.

  • AUDIENCE: HANDCUFF HIM.

  • STEVE: 5.

  • AUDIENCE: FIND HIS FAVOR.

  • STEVE: NUMBER ONE.

HEH HEH HEH. TOP 7 ANSWERS ON

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