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"I am so jealous of you, everything always looks so good on you."
Is what friends often say to me. But you know what I've been through to get this body?
Follow me and I'll tell you my story.
I used to be the girl in school that nobody noticed. All the boys would just look pass me.
I wasn't even popular in my own group of friends. I was invisible.
I used to feel a little down about that,but it was my goal to get into the best university possible.
And when I set my mind to something, I do everything in my power to achieve it.
My priority was to first get into my dream college and then I could worry about my appearance.
I asked my parents for their permission to get cosmetic surgery if I was accepted into the university.
They agreed and gave me their blessing. So from that moment on, I focused all my time and energy into studying to pass the entrance exams.
Once I was accepted, they were so proud as they knew how much work I had put into getting there.
But I was still a long ways away from achieving my dream. There were two more obstacles I had to overcome.
First was my face.
So I had surgery to add an extra layer on my eyes, to raise the bridge of my nose, and to make my face into the V-shape.
All the things that seem to be what people consider beautiful. When it was done, I looked like a completely different person.
But now I'm left with the part that stressed me out that most: losing the weight.
Because even though my face was beautiful, if I'm still fat - no one will consider me beautiful.
This is the social convention, you have to be skinny to be beautiful.
It didn't help that most of the boys in the university liked to tease me. Chubby, they'd call me. Piggy, they'd tease.
They even joked around about my big arms and big legs.
My friends said they were just joking and not to take it seriously but as time went on, I had no more confidence and self-esteem.
So I had to be skinny. I watched clips online to teach me how to exercise and used the entire summer break to lose my weight
At first, I was so exhausted and everything hurt. I almost gave up
But I kept myself inspired by constantly looking at all the beautiful and fit girls on Instagram
If I could look like them, people would notice me, I could wear anything I want
But most importantly, I could finally show the people that teased me about my body that they were wrong.
Once university started, I was the center of attention. Girls looked at me with jealousy and so many boys kept asking me for my phone number.
Even my clothes were getting smaller. But it wasn't enough.
When I was nominated as the Queen for the Summer Ball, I started to worry even more that I wouldn't win
I still believed my body wasn't perfect yet. Exercising wasn't enough anymore.
So I started to control my diet. I ate less and was more picky about what I was eating. And I ended up losing weight even faster than I did from exercising.
People were telling me that I was too skinny but I didn't believe them.
"I'm not skinny, what are they talking about?"
Of course I won the Queen of the Summer Ball. I worked so hard for it.
Everyone was congratulating me, but all I could think about was that I had to work harder.
That I'm still fat and if I'm not careful, I could go back to being invisible again.
I had to exercise more and control my diet more. So I started to work out not just in the evening but also in the morning.
I didn't eat anything that had carbohydrates or fat.
For lunch I would only eat fruit or drink a box of milk and for dinner I would just drink a glass of water.
I was so obsessed with how I looked.
I really believed that if I missed a work out or ate more than I was supposed to.
I would go straight back to being fat again.
While I was obsessed with losing my weight, I was just ignoring all these other strange symptoms that were occurring.
My period had stopped coming for months. I was losing so much hair.
I was always cold. My skin was started to peel heavily. And I was struggling in every single class to focus.
My grades had dropped so far and so fast, no one could believe it.
A lot of people noticed the changed. I kept hearing that I was too skinny, I wasn't the same, I wasn't as pretty as I used to be.
I couldn't accept it and would just tell them that they didn't know what they were talking about.
I lost a lot of friends that time. I cried almost everyday. I didn't know what they were talking about, I really couldn't see what was skinny about me?
When I looked in the mirror, I still looked fat! They must have been just jealous...
"Hi honey." I woke up to see my mother standing next to me. She looked sad and concerned.
Then I looked around. Why do I have so many tubes in my arms? What's happening? The last thing I remembered, I was exercising.
I was diagnosed with Anorexia.
I couldn't believe it. But I knew my condition was serious when I could no longer feed myself as I had to be fed through tubes.
I was in the hospital for weeks. I had to drop out of school and my mom even had to quit her job to take care of me.
But it's been a year now and I'm fully recovered and finally back in university. I really learned how little value other peoples opinions have.
The most important things are the love you have from friends and family but even MORE important than that is the love you should have for yourself.
I am me. I am beautiful in my own way and I don't feel the need to have to follow society and trends about being skinny.
Why do I need people who only love me for how I look?
It's been a long journey getting here, I really hope that my story can help to warn people that are about to fall into the same trap.
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I became Anorexic for Instagram

1153 Folder Collection
Annie Huang published on March 2, 2020
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