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  • SO GM LINE-- AND IT'S A VERY NICE BOTTOM LINE-- WE'RE NOT AT

  • WAR.

  • WE'RE SO NOT AT WAR THAT THERE'S BIG NEWS ABOUT THE BRITISH ROYAL

  • FAMILY.

  • BRACE YOURSELF: PRINCE HARRY AND MEGHAN MARKLE, THE DUKE AND

  • DUCHESS OF SUSSEX, HAVE RELEASED A STATEMENT SAYING, "WE INTEND

  • TO STEP BACK AS 'SENIOR' MEMBERS OF THE ROYAL FAMILY."

  • THAT'S RIGHT, HARRY AND MEGHAN ARE STEPPING DOWN AS SENIOR

  • MEMBERS OF THE ROYAL FAMILY.

  • DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS?

  • BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS.

  • I HAVE-- THERE ARE SENIOR LEVELS OF ROYAL.

  • >> Jon: THEY HAVE LEVELS.

  • >> Stephen: I THOUGHT IT WENT KING, QUEEN, PRINCE AND

  • PRINCESS, JACK OF SPADES, BOY WIZARD, DUKES OF HAZZARD, AND

  • THEN CARTOON MOUSE THAT SEWS CINDERELLA'S DRESS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ACCORDING TO THE COUPLE'S

  • STATEMENT, THEY'RE WITHDRAWING FROM SOME OF THEIR OFFICIAL

  • DUTIES AND NOW PLAN TO BALANCE THEIR TIME BETWEEN THE UNITED

  • KINGDOM AND NORTH AMERICA.

  • I SAY, "WELCOME, MEGHAN AND HARRY.

  • ON BEHALF OF ALL FORMER REBELS AGAINST THE BRITISH CROWN,

  • YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE DECLARING INDEPENDENCE.

  • IT COMES WITH FREE SPEECH AND UNLIMITED BREADSTICKS."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?

  • >> Jon: YOU'VE GOT TOW LOVE IT.

  • >> Stephen: DECROWNING THEMSELVES WILL BRING SOME BIG

  • LIFE CHANGES, BECAUSE IT WILL ALLOW HARRY AND MEGHAN TO WORK

  • FOR MONEY, SOMETHING THEY CURRENTLY CAN'T DO.

  • THIS IS GREAT.

  • SHE'S AN ACTRESS.

  • THIS MEANS MEGHAN MARKLE CAN GO BACK TO "SUITS!"

  • AND HARRY CAN SELL THEM AT MEN'S WEARHOUSE!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THIS CAME-- THIS CAME AS-- I'D

  • BUY A SUIT FROM HIM, SURE!

  • THIS CAME AS A SHOCK TO EVERYONE.

  • ONE BBC JOURNALIST REPORTS, "NO OTHER MEMBER OF THE ROYAL FAMILY

  • WAS CONSULTED BEFORE HARRY AND MEGHAN ISSUED THEIR PERSONAL

  • STATEMENT TONIGHT.

  • THE PALACE IS UNDERSTOOD TO BE DISAPPOINTED."

  • OH, DISAPPOINTED.

  • TRANS: THAT MEANS HER MAJESTY IS

  • QUEEN ELIZA-PIIIISSSED!

SO GM LINE-- AND IT'S A VERY NICE BOTTOM LINE-- WE'RE NOT AT

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