Name: Toh... Maine Job Chhod Di | E02 • Train of Thought | Stand-up Comedy by Shashwat Maheshwari
Uploaded: 2019-12-27T18:05:05.000Z
Duration: 7 min 46 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

He said "I reject your resignation" I said, "Fine by me, keep sending me the salary. I'm leaving."

So my maid complains to me about groceries all day.

I've noticed, whenever there is a long weekend, my friends go mad!

Now, I had quit my job 3 years ago on a Friday.

So technically, my long weekend is still going strong.

People want to go to Lonavala? I can go to Mars. I have all the time.

People give me the credit I don't even deserve.

"And then you quit all that to follow your passion. Bravo!"

Then they're like, okay, you didn't have a choice!

Just because I quit my job doesn't mean I was good at it.

I randomly handed my resignation to my boss one day.

He said, "Oh listen, even we were gonna fire you"

I said, "Could be. But I resigned before that. So I win.

This is like a relationship, whoever acts first, is the winner.

That hurt his ego. He said, "No. I reject your resignation"

I said, "That was a rhetorical question."

Are you North Korea? How can you stop someone from leaving?

Reject my resignation? Cool then,  I'm gonna leave anyway, but you can keep  paying me the salary.

I said, "I've worked here for 3 years. Did I ever attend a meeting?"

I used to work from home at another place.

My boss called me once and said," Shashwat you are a good employee. And an asset to the company"

But because of the WFH situation there is a huge communication gap.

So, we'll have to let you go, I hope you understand.

I said I completely understand. Because I quit 3 months ago.

Eh, communication gap. I hope you understand.

I get to do this for a living. I'm really happy.

My parents are not that happy. My father came to my show once. Started heckling me.

You've been at this for 6 years. You haven't perfected it still?"

You think I'll be perfect at something in 6 years?

I've been bathing every day for 28 years.

Forget bathing. I'm not perfect at breathing apparently. I went to a meditation class.

The instructor gave me breathing exercises.

That thing, that I've been doing every moment.

"You need to practice breathing because you're bad at it", he says.

This instructor is on the stage with a mic- Shouting "breathe in, breathe out"

Who is ONLY breathing in, turning purple and dying?

The other students are going crazy! What? in AND out?

Slow down, sir. Don't let all the secrets out in the first class. Spread it out.

We're such a stupid generation that we need to relearn breathing?

That they are going to take tuitions for breathing...

They would have jumped into the very fire they invented.

I was on a strict bed-rest for a month. My flatmates never figured it out.

They'd even come check on me. "What, he's still on the bed? Cool, then it's normal.

I wear a fitbit so they can check on my pulse easily.

I don't want people to know about my death from the smell of my rotting body.

I'm already so lazy. On top of that Netflix adds 10 new shows every day.

By the time I finish one show, they increase the syllabus.

I've finished all Hindi and English shows. They added Israeli shows now!

My girlfriend told me I sleeptalk in Hebrew.

"Tell them! They keep adding shows, I keep watching."

They'll put 1000s of episodes. Tarak Mehta ka ultah chashma?

They don't write a script. They just record whatever is happening on the sets.

The actor is watching TV. I'm watching him watch TV.

I saw another show on that show for an hour.

Then we complain about American shows being better.

They have so much to tap into. American culture is different.

I was watching an American show. It was a romantic scene. The woman took her wedding ring off.

Now what that means is, they'll have sex.

It's obvious. She takes her wedding ring off, to put the wedding aside for some time. To cheat.

American audience knows this. Thye don't even have to show the sex scene. It's understood.

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Toh... Maine Job Chhod Di | E02 • Train of Thought | Stand-up Comedy by Shashwat Maheshwari

meditation

deserve

intimate

audience